You're (Not) Fired
The other day it occurred to me that my review should be on the system somewhere, and that's how I came to waste some time looking for it.
I found the evaluation Tuna filled out about me. It's okay, but not great. Nothing I'll get fired over (especially since he's an associate rather than a partner).
Green generally performs her work promptly and efficiently, and she knows her job reasonably well; she needs to gain a better knowledge of Word, but that will come as she gains experience.
My knowledge of Word is ... decent. I couldn't be in the Word Processing Department, but any time Tuna asks me to do something fancy involving TOCs or TOAs I can almost always do it. Sometimes. Like maybe half the time. (No, I'm not being defensive at all, why do you ask?)
Green is very good with clients and responsive to them. She needs to improve the thoroughness and accuracy of her work, which she has the ability to do.
Ummm... I think once he asked me to type something and I didn't spellcheck it. Damn, what a memory.
Green is dependable and reliable on projects, always on time for work, willing to stay late when necessary, and conscientious of others.
That's right. I am. You can depend and rely on me, unless you need anything fancy done in Word, or anything done thoroughly or accurately apparently.
Green has excellent problem-solving skills and is flexible and easy to work with, very able to grasp and retain explanations. She needs to improve in terms of taking initiative and self-motivation.
I really am fucking awesome at problem-solving. I wish I could be a professional problem solver; I'd be great at that. Perhaps I'd take greater initiative if I knew what the fuck was going on.
Green is quite stable, mature and professional about her job, and cooperates well with everyone.
I really appreciate this one; I put a lot of effort into being more than civil to LEL, even when she's being mean to me. Plus I grew up being told indirectly that I was unstable, and being told directly that I was immature. And actually, in the absolute worst review I ever got (where I cried right there in the meeting with my boss, through the ENTIRE meeting), I was told I didn't dress professionally enough. I was MORTIFIED.
Green generally performs her job efficiently and prioritizes her work well.
Well alrighty. Excellent, thank you for noticing.
Green is an overall solid performer. She has the ability to do excellent work, and continues to improve. She needs to develop more passion and enthusiasm for the work.
Soooo... I'm not working up to my potential? Yeah. Here's the thing. I DON'T have passion for the kind of law I do. It's a boring subset of a boring kind of law. Even more boring than the regular boring practice areas. So it's hard to be passionnate about it. Especially because I don't understand most of it.
When I first started working in a law firm, I had a boss who was totally happy to answer any question I had. She encouraged me to read every single document in a file, all her books, everything in the office. After a while I learned the secret to understanding what's going on in any case: read the Complaint. The Complaint will tell you what the major issue is.
But with the area I work in now, there are rarely any Complaints filed. And often I don't know what cases my bosses are working on until I'm putting their time in. In fact, I get most of my information about cases from the timesheets. "Prepare and revise case management statement." Ahhh, well this tells me a case management hearing must be coming up soon. Great. Except, not really, because I still don't know what the case is about! I mean, I know what it MUST be about, because it's in my department, but I don't know the details of who's angry at whom, and for what.
Really, I need my attorneys to sit me down and give me two minute summaries on each case we're working on. Before you roll your eyes and start cursing me out, I know. I know I'm supposed to be able to figure this shit out on my own. Welcome to my learning disabilities, where I can't read a paragraph and tell you what the paragraph is about in one sentence. My reading comprehension SUCKS. I'm not saying those two minute summaries are what the lawyers should be giving me. I'm saying it's what I need in order to understand, and then, give a shit. Hopefully. Some of this stuff is frightfully dull, to be honest.
Sometimes, I AM kind of enthusiastic about what I'm doing. But I keep that toned down, because I know I don't fully understand what's going on, and I don't want to blurt out something stupid. I figure it's best to keep my mouth shut in those situations.
So that's my review from Tuna. I wish I could find my review from Nice Partner. His opinion carries a lot of weight since he's who I work with most frequently. I assume he would say that I'm pleasant to work with but make too many stupid mistakes and should pay greater attention to detail, while also keeping track of the bigger picture. And he'd be right. I am disgusted by all the mistakes I make, and how often I forget what he says to me. It's frustrating that I can't do better. Frustrating that I have to console myself with the realization that for me, it's impressive to have made it in one law firm for over a year now.
At least I get to go to work tomorrow.