Green Bro / Golden Boy - my brother, older than me by 22 months, lives in SF with CG, can do no wrong in my mother's eyes, hence GB.
CG/Crazy Girl - my brother's fiancee, a public pretender (defender), lives with my brother, makes the best turkey I have ever tasted in my entire life, they have an adorable dog which they allow me to dogsit
The Mother Load/The Load - my mom, who lives in FL, married to my dad for over 35 years. We have had a communication breakdown as a result of her denial of truth. I want little to do with my parents, but want to want more to do with them than I do. My mother seems to think we just need to spend time together and things will magically go back to the way they were. You know, back when I hated myself and could do nothing right in my parent's eyes.
9am - my current roommate, named for the time our initial meeting was. A guy (my first boy roommate), baby lawyer, misogynist, homophobe, has one girlfriend in Europe and another in Russia. He was a chemistry major and thus is a germaphobe. 9am's shining moment was bringing me flowers on Valentine's Day. Most amusing moment with 9am: when I caught him in front of the kitchen sink washing eggs. Yes, that's right, the eggs were still in the shell, and he was washing them.
Loose Earlobe Lady/LEL - a former coworker, sat next to me, seemed to be going deaf based on how poorly she hears and loudly she talks, one of the grandmas, we didn't get along, her earlobes are very swing-y and often when I was bored by whatever she's saying to me, I quietly amuse myself by watching the earlobes swing wildly. Ultimately she was not offered a position when our department moved to a new office.
The Grandmas - the row of older women who sat near me at my old job, they do cute grandma things like reminding me to wear a sweater when it's cold out, offering me prunes, letting me know when they've brought baked goods to work, and always having tissues shoved up their sleeves.
Cat Lady - another coworker, sat on the other side of LEL, had gastric bypass surgery and likes to flash the scar on her pale flabby belly, belch, talk about her many frequent digestive problems, her cat, and thinks she knows everything.
The Cowboy - one of the two partners in my former department at the law firm I work for, very much the extrovert, often out of the office but a whirlwind of energy when he arrives, disliked intensely by the Cat Lady, I like him.
The Nice Partner - one of my two former bosses, also a partner, quiet, almost always in the office, he's got a wicked sense of humor in him though it rarely comes out, which somehow makes it funnier when it does. His claim to fame was having two sets of twins.
Tunafish - an associate that I worked for, often shat upon by the partners (they have him fetch lunch, etc.), has often quietly helped me out.
The Steamroller - my former roommate, born and raised in China, we barely ever spoke, she often lost her keys and called me to let her in, orders dinner in every single night, works long hours. She invited her parents for a month without telling me. It didn't go well.
Mr. Steamroller - Steamroller's boyfriend, he doesn't live here, but when she's home, he's here too
Cagney - my former roommate, sweet little girl who never cleaned up, naive enough to ask me to lower her rent after she got her first paycheck and realized how much of it was going to rent, parking, car payments, car insurance, health insurance, and school loans, young enough to cry when she asked that.