Weak Work

This has not been an easy year, to put it mildly. I have not worked since early 2014. That's not a typo. Each evening I go for a walk just to get out of my house, and stop staring at the same walls all the time. When I'm not working and can't afford to go out, I withdraw from friends, from everyone. Of course, it's a terrible cycle, because being alone fuels the depression. Being around people fuels the depression too - people don't realize how much they talk about things that cost money.

Lately I've been working with this young recruiter - one of those lawyers who didn't want to lawyer, so she became a legal recruiter instead. I don't think she's ever worked as an associate since graduating from law school, and between that and being in her mid-twenties, it's been a frustrating experience to interact with her.

Once though, I had an interview with this old lady headhunter, and afterwards I said, "It felt like I was talking to a slick, brick wall. Nothing I threw to her stuck." I figured it was a waste of time and nothing at all would ever come of that interview. She placed me at the best job I've had in all the time I've lived in San Francisco. So I've learned not to give up on people too quickly.

This morning she called me about a job. Almost apologetically she explained the details. Non-profit. For those who don't know, any job that's a non-profit job pays significantly less. Like, half of what you earn now. Part-time. Four hours a day. Temp work. Just for four weeks. She basically told me flat out that she knows it's beneath me. Um, no. I am desperate. No honest work is beneath me. "Okay," she said. She would pitch me to the non-profit. She would let me know in the afternoon if they want me to start work tomorrow.

At 5:01 p.m. I looked at the clock and thought to myself, "Guess they went with someone else." Literally right after I let out a sad sigh, my phone rang. I'm to show up tomorrow. For pay that is literally half what I normally get on an hourly basis. But it's more than nothing, and that absolutely counts. Every single dollar that puts me farther away from eviction is a dollar that makes me happy.