Promise to Smack Me
I love that hotels will lend out umbrellas. I love that building management of major corporate buildings lend them out too - you just have to lend them your building ID while you have the umbrella.
My friend's boyfriend says umbrellas are for pussies. Every time it rains I think of him, sloshing through the rain with just the hood of his sweatshirt for protection, and decide I'd rather be an umbrella-holding pussy than get that wet. Plus, a friend in Texas sent me an umbrella a few years ago, and it makes me smile every time I use it.
As I saw that guy with the hotel umbrella this morning it reminded me of a couple of months ago when I was temping and it was raining, and I saw something that made me uncomfortable. A white guy, clearly well-off, striding down the sidewalk with nothing in his hands. A black man in a Ritz Carlton uniform, striding alongside the white guy, holding a Ritz Carlton golf umbrella over the white guy's head.
Really? You are so full of yourself that you need a PUH? Aren't you embarrassed? Especially to have someone of a minority race holding it for you? Aren't you embarrassed to be so uncoordinated that you can't walk and hold an umbrella at the same time? Aren't you embarrassed to be forcing someone else to get rained upon so that you stay dry? I understand this may be a service the Ritz offers, and that's nice of them. But if any of you ever find out I have won the lottery, become filthy rich, and started doing this, please smack me.
You know what else I want to know? Where does this sense of entitlement end? Do you have someone cutting your meat for you? Do you uncap your own pens? One minute someone is buttoning your shirt while another person is standing behind you, brushing your hair, and the next minute you're giving the nod to someone who briskly claps their hands two times before yelling, "Wipers!"