How Does That Make You Feel?
At one point I said to one of them "I spent 12 years in therapy, and it's been almost 12 years since I was last in it" and she very sweetly responded with "Maybe it's time to check back in, and see where you're at?"
As far as I know, I'm not in the middle of any major catastrophe. As far as I can tell, I am not exuding psychotic behavior. Granted, today I did see a guy who seemed to think he was cooler than Jonathan Anton, and I did sort of wish he would trip and take a spill purely for my own amusement, but I think that way quite often. Nothing new there.
When more than one person offers to hook you up with their therapist, you can't help but wonder what they think is wrong with you. I hope I wasn't sending out some sort of thinly-veiled cry for help to those two people. When I cry out for help, I'm pretty obvious about it. "Hello? Hi, I'm feeling a little fucked up in the head and need help." It really doesn't get anymore blatant than that. I'm not feeling the need for help.
I'm probably more mentally stable than most average people due to all the therapy I had. I'm probably better able to "check myself before I wreck myself" than most average people. Just because I'm voicing some dark thoughts, working through some difficult family/friend/work shit, or my creativity is taking me to some weird places, it doesn't mean I'm thinking someone promised me a rose garden when they didn't.
I appreciate the offers. I do, really. For now though, I'm going to pass. It may make you feel better to know that I think about whether therapy might help me a few times each year. But for right now, I'm really doing quite well without it. So I'm going to continue on this path. Because of the dozen years I spent in therapy, I am capable of therapizing myself to a certain degree. It's not until I hit a brick wall and can't make any more progress on my own that I feel I should bother paying someone else to listen to me. Especially since I have you to blog at.
So thanks, but no thanks. Oh, but if I come back to you in two years or whenever, and ask you for the name and number of the therapist you offered to hook me up with, don't say "Told ya so" okay? Because then I'll have to talk about how that made me feel with the therapist. And I'd hate to waste my co-pay on that kind of issue.