The Darkness Is Just. SO. VERY. Dark.
Ever since the time change I've been a bit depressed. Too depressed to do the Things I Do To Fight Depression. Because I'm too depressed.
Is it just me, or last year, wasn't it light out until 6 p.m., and now it's dark by 5:30 p.m.? I certainly didn't agree to this. Staying light out until 6 p.m. in the wintertime is one of the very few things I miss about Florida. The other thing I miss about Florida is my grandpa.
I won't be moving to Hawaii or Arizona any time in the near future (though if I had to pick one it'd be Arizona for the hair factor, no contest), so I must find some way of dealing with this instead of trying to pretend it's not happening and not affecting me.
This afternoon I was toying with the idea of asking if I could change my work hours - come in a half hour earlier and leave a half hour earlier during the winter. I don't think the guys I work with would mind, and I suppose I could make the argument that a happier worker is a more effective worker, and therefore this change would benefit the firm.
But really, do I want to have to drag myself to work a half hour earlier each day? I already have such a hard time getting here as it is, should I really make it harder on myself? And, do I really want to be telling work people that I'm depressed?
Can I just suck it up and deal, like the rest of the country does? Yeah, I can. But should I have to? This is California, where everyone's unofficial motto seems to be "Do What Makes YOU Happy." Maybe it's time to get behind that sentiment.
I know that half hour of sunlight will give me just enough of a push. Just enough to get me back to who I was in the summertime, rushing around to the library, going for walks, running errands instead of saving them all for the weekends, and doing life in general. Instead of who I am now, someone who internally sighs heavily any time someone wants to do anything after work, someone who spends all afternoon wanting to rush home after work and get into bed wearing flannel pajamas.
When I was officially depressed, back in the 80's and 90's (and 70's but I didn't know it yet), I hated the feeling that people walked on eggshells with me. Of course I also hated that sometimes I needed them to, but such is the life of a depressed person. Do I want to risk having my work people treat me carefully, worried about making suicide jokes in my presence? No. I have a very dark sense of humor, and have always like a good suicide joke. I like not being treated too carefully. Not having people search my face to see if I've twisted something they've said into something ugly that hurts my feelings. I like people thinking I can take a joke.
Maybe I should ask if I can try it for a week, to see if it makes a difference. Maybe I should ask if I can try it next week, when Nice Partner won't be in the office much anyway, and if I'm unable to get into the office on time, nobody will notice because it's Thanksgiving.
But first I need to figure out how to word it all, to make myself seem depressed enough that I need this, but not so depressed they need to treat me differently.
Is it just me, or last year, wasn't it light out until 6 p.m., and now it's dark by 5:30 p.m.? I certainly didn't agree to this. Staying light out until 6 p.m. in the wintertime is one of the very few things I miss about Florida. The other thing I miss about Florida is my grandpa.
I won't be moving to Hawaii or Arizona any time in the near future (though if I had to pick one it'd be Arizona for the hair factor, no contest), so I must find some way of dealing with this instead of trying to pretend it's not happening and not affecting me.
This afternoon I was toying with the idea of asking if I could change my work hours - come in a half hour earlier and leave a half hour earlier during the winter. I don't think the guys I work with would mind, and I suppose I could make the argument that a happier worker is a more effective worker, and therefore this change would benefit the firm.
But really, do I want to have to drag myself to work a half hour earlier each day? I already have such a hard time getting here as it is, should I really make it harder on myself? And, do I really want to be telling work people that I'm depressed?
Can I just suck it up and deal, like the rest of the country does? Yeah, I can. But should I have to? This is California, where everyone's unofficial motto seems to be "Do What Makes YOU Happy." Maybe it's time to get behind that sentiment.
I know that half hour of sunlight will give me just enough of a push. Just enough to get me back to who I was in the summertime, rushing around to the library, going for walks, running errands instead of saving them all for the weekends, and doing life in general. Instead of who I am now, someone who internally sighs heavily any time someone wants to do anything after work, someone who spends all afternoon wanting to rush home after work and get into bed wearing flannel pajamas.
When I was officially depressed, back in the 80's and 90's (and 70's but I didn't know it yet), I hated the feeling that people walked on eggshells with me. Of course I also hated that sometimes I needed them to, but such is the life of a depressed person. Do I want to risk having my work people treat me carefully, worried about making suicide jokes in my presence? No. I have a very dark sense of humor, and have always like a good suicide joke. I like not being treated too carefully. Not having people search my face to see if I've twisted something they've said into something ugly that hurts my feelings. I like people thinking I can take a joke.
Maybe I should ask if I can try it for a week, to see if it makes a difference. Maybe I should ask if I can try it next week, when Nice Partner won't be in the office much anyway, and if I'm unable to get into the office on time, nobody will notice because it's Thanksgiving.
But first I need to figure out how to word it all, to make myself seem depressed enough that I need this, but not so depressed they need to treat me differently.
posted by Green at 11/16/2006 05:22:00 PM
10 Comments:
Why not just say because of daylight savings you like leaving when its still light and leave at that.
Sometimes I tend to overanalyze things and come up with long explanations and when the time comes, its not needed.
i agree.. i wouldn't mention depression.
You are not going to believe this, but it hasnt been getting dark here at 6 or after. Its very weird, but something seems to have shifted and its getting dark a lot earlier. Today it was all dark by 5:30. Ive been kinda liking it though. I tend to like gloomier weather. I need to move to Seattle or the arctic circle somewhere.
Please do NOT adapt to the laid back CA lifestyle. We all count on all the NY ex-pats to do all the work around here. It's a dirty little secret, so keep it hush hush. (Also another reason you'll never get fired) I think the early onset of darkness is somehow related to the Xmas season starting before Halloween.
I know what you mean, the darkness is brutal! Here in Chicago we are feeling it too...
I would totally ask to change your hours and just tell them you're more productive when it's light out - who could argue with you wanting to be a better employee?
Good luck!
I HATE the time change. I've been in a fog since it happened. I am a usually a night owl and count on that energy to get my stuff done after the kids go to bed. Not anymore. With the dark dinner time, I'm ready for PJs way before bedtime.
Let's start a petition to follow Arizona's lead and not do this stupid dance of clock adjustment twice a year.
It seems so de-motivating to be at work during the daylight hours and out of work only when it's dark. It pushes the entire life-work thing off balance --> do you live to work or work to live? If you are not nocturnal, and I am not, this makes it seem like you live to work and I don't want to accept that.
I guess this is one good thing about my moving to Florida next month. :-)
When I worked at a large law firm, the secretary who sat across from me first (not my secretary; she worked with a different practice group) complained all the time when I had my curtains closed, but I couldn't work with a lot of glare and distraction. She filed a complaint with HR that I wouldn't leave my curtains open even though I knew she has Seasonal Affective Disorder, and the firm ended up buying her a special light which mimicks sunshine. I think you need one of those lights for our office. There is research showing that those lights are effective in improving the mood of those affected by Seasonal Affective Disorder, a recognized condition. You might feel more comfortable talking about SAD, a recognized medical condition, than depression. Tell HR you have SAD and you might like to experiment with your hours and a light.
Forcing myself to work out has been most helpful for me. I've thought about modifying my work schedule, but it starts getting dark around 5:30 and leaving at 5:00 would really just give me enough time to get home. Doesn't seem worth the hassle.
I was SO SO SO hoping that there would be a link to the “Things you do to fight depression” in that first sentence, or even over on the side over there where you have your Playas and 100 things lists. That would be so awesome!
I’m also sorry about the depression. It’s a constant fight isn’t it…
I dislike that it gets dark earlier too. I feel like a hibernating bear when I get home at night. I don’t want to do anything but sit in my chair in front of the tv or computer. Also, I’m supposed to work until 5:30 and it gets so dark and I have a 45 minute drive home, and I am not a good night driver… it really sucks. Geez I’m whining a lot today. Sorry about that!
Man I need to move to California so I can embrace the “Do what makes YOU happy” ideal, and feel normal. Because that’s certainly not how I’ve grown up. My therapist tells me to put myself first all the time. It’s easier said than done when everyone else you know thinks they should be first.
Of course it’s too late now, but I would not mention the depression either. I have found that when I mention a health issue at work, they ALWAYS manage to find a way to turn it on me. That really sucks.
Charlene
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