Rachel Zoe Show

Okay who is watching this with me?  Nicole? Mrs. T.D. Randi? 

Taylor the style assistant is the biggest bitch I have ever seen on reality television.  Aside from Spencer Pratt.  She is manipulative, passive-aggressive and just plain bitchily aggressive.  And I am shocked SHOCKED that she is also bitchy to her boss.  No matter how much of an asshole I think Rachel Zoe is (and I think she's a big one), it is simply not acceptable to talk to your boss that way.  

Okay and Nicole, yes, I did cry when Lauren and Audrina had their talk at the fireplace and they cried.  You are not alone, my blog-friend. 

Interview Series Marches On

A while back I interviewed Nicole. Now she's turning the tables.

Is there a moment in your life you'd like to take back or do over? What about it would you change? So, so many of them. It's wrong to say "all of them," right? I became friends with a girl who has the same name I do at ballet, and invited her over to my house eventually. We were in my bedroom, laying on the floor playing while my mom was downstairs in the kitchen. I think we were about nine or 10, and she wanted to play with these cut-out doll things she found in my bookcase. For several years I'd been over the whole doll thing, but in trying to be a nice hostess I let her pick what we played.

She was fat. Not just a little overweight, but fat. And when she looked at the doll in her hand and said, "She's fat," I accidentally blurted out, "You shouldn't talk." I gasped. I don't think I've ever been more horrified at my own actions. She immediately put her head down in her arms and I didn't know what to do. So I left my bedroom and ran downstairs to tell my mother what I'd done. Of course, she told me I had to go back and apologize and to think before speaking in the future, so I did. The girl nodded and we went on playing.

We stayed friends for a year or two after that - as long as we were taking ballet together I think. It was one of those moments that made me think that maybe I was really a horrible person deep down, and I was just unable to hide it all the time.

Is there anyone in your past you wish you could say something to? Who would it be and why? You know, I got teased and bullied and made fun of so much growing up. And I've seen those Maury shows where a former loser confronts their bully after they've gotten implants and a short dress. I'd never do that. Not because I already have big boobs, but because the truth is, I don't think any of the kids who teased me feel all that badly about it. I think a third of them wouldn't remember it, a third would say I deserved it, and a third would say I should be over it.

I would really like to talk to my grandma again though. She died two months after I turned 18, while I was away at college. It was sudden, and the last time I'd spoken to her I'd felt like she was angry at me. It's not that there's something specific I'd like to say to her; I'd just like us to talk again. She was a true example of pure unconditional love, and it would be nice to thank her for that. While I was at it, I'd also thank her for keeping that shimmery unicorn sticker I gave her on her purse for two years, and for letting us watch cartoons in the morning before school. And for always having Pine Brothers cough drops in her purse.

And I'd ask her for her recipe for booze cake, because that was really good.

What blogs do you read regularly and why? You can see by the sidebars which blogs I read. The only ones I don't list are the ones that are password protected, because ... what's the point? Whoever you are, I am secretly fascinated by you, and I always have been. I want to know if you really like your job, look in your closet, meet your friends, look at your books, everything. As a little kid we used to take a lot of hellishly long car trips. I hated it. Spent a lot of time telling my dad the speed limit as it flashed by while my mom and brother slept. I'd also look at the people in the cars around us and wonder where they were going. If they liked the people in the car with them. If they were happy about where they were going.

I've never stopped thinking that way. I am interested in everybody. Reading people's blogs is a great way to people-watch.

What television show do you watch that you won't admit to your friends? Is there any lower low than The Hills (season finale tonight!)? I've been known to flip over to Oprah sometimes if I'm home for it. I've never been one of those people who tapes their soap opera or anything. Also, when Trixie lived here, she got the Oprah magazine, and I'd read that too.

If you're a blogger, what is the best post you think you've ever written? Can't answer this. The ones that got the most hits where when my family found out about my blog. Everyone's fascinated by a trainwreck, huh? But that wasn't great writing - that was numb writing. Some of the Loose Earlobe Lady posts were a lot of fun to write, as are some of the fucking yoga ones. This one was fun.

Daaaaa Hills!

Okay, who's watching with me? Let's discuss:

1. Who else is surprised that Heidi has lasted at her job as long as she has? Didn't you think for sure she'd have been fired ages ago?
2. Poor Audrina! What the hell is Lo's problem? Lo always seemed so nice before; why is she acting this way and who's going to smack her?
   
3. Justin Bobby is turning into a real person more and more! How is this possible?
   
4. Where's Whitney? She's my favorite.
   
5. Spencer was clearly going for the scruffy look, but it doesn't work on him. Doesn't he realize he's the only one who has nothing going on in his life?
   

Justin Bobby Used Crest White Strips!

I was a little behind in my Hills watching project and caught up today. How exciting to see Justin Bobby sober! How exciting that Justin Bobby can now maintain eye contact for a full three seconds! I am 100% Team Audrina and hoping she is not swayed by his inarticulate compliments though.

Heidi is being an ass (what's new?), but so is Spencer. Which leads me to the conclusion that they deserve each other. Which I must admit, is not a new conclusion.

Lo is going to be a great addition to the show. As much as I love Lauren, I am getting a little tired of her standard look. You know, giving everyone she talks with Significant Eyes?

Excuse me, I must leave now so I'm not late to my Hills Anonymous Support Group.

For SHAME Lauren Conrad, FOR SHAME!

Okay so I'm a little behind the times, what with not having MTV with my crappy cable company that has a monopoly at my apartment complex. Luckily, several months ago, a friend who shares my love for The Hills alerted me to the fact that MTV allows fans to watch the show at their website. (Real friends help friends watch The Hills!) Last night, I watched the episode where Lauren and Whitney (Port, port!) went to Paris for the ball. They were lent dresses, ballgowns really, for the ball, from a huge, famous designer. The night before the ball, Lauren and Whits decide to go out so Lauren can make eyes at an ugly boy in a band who wears skinny pants and smokes. Whitney packed her entire closet in LA, and has a dress for this faux event, but Lauren only brought pencil skirts, and decides to hem her ballgown and wear it out.

Any normal person would know this is a bad idea. Lauren has stopped being normal. So she hems the ballgown and she and Whitless go off into the night for Lauren to begin her Making Eyes at Ugly French Boys Project. While successful in her eye communication, the next day when Lauren is about to start getting ready for the ball, the reason she was flown to Paris (as an intern) in the first place, she finds a stain on her expensive-yet-not-hers ballgown.

At first Lauren thinks it's coffee. But no, it's an even more lame stain than that. Lauren left her curling iron on and it stained the fabric on the dress. The dress is now ruined. I don't know how many balls you've attended, but I attend only three each season, and even I know one simply can not show up to a ball without a gown. To Lauren, THIS is her main problem, this is the reason she gets tears in her eyes. Had I been in Lauren's position, the tears in my eyes would have been for having ruined someone else's very expensive ballgown that they LENT TO ME! Lauren only seemed concerned that she wouldn't be able to attend the ball. Whitters saves the day by talking the designer into lending Lauren a second ballgown, and Lauren was ultimately able to attend the ball. I know that this is only a reality tv show and that not everything can be shown. But I would like to know if the stain came out, and if not, whether or not Lauren paid for the ballgown she ruined, and if it got back to Teen Vogue that she ruined something she was lent based on Teen Vogue's reputation.

These are the types of things that keep me up at night.

We're Back To the Hills

I've been sick lately, and yesterday I felt well enough to do more than lay in bed moaning yet not well enough to go sit in front of the tv in our living room. Which clearly meant I should watch tv on my laptop.

For about three hours I watched all the episodes of The Hills from this season that I've missed, because my shitty cable company doesn't provide MTV anymore.

And I see now that nothing's really changed. Heidi is still friendless except for Spencer, who swallows hard any time his boobily enhanced girlfriend mentions wedding details. Lauren is still trying to figure out whether or not she likes Brody, who was wearing a bitch of a brace on his birthday in Vegas. Whitney still wants to know about all of Lauren's drama, and manages to screw up at work by being both unprofessional and unprepared yet keep getting told she's doing a good job. And Audrina, bless her heart, is still being serenaded by Justin Bobby's belches. Oh, and she got a promotion to a cubicle. Sweet girl, but not too smart. I'm glad she's got Lauren as a friend.

My favorite person on the entire show is Lo, even though she only guest stars. Lo is fucking hysterical. My favorite episode was a recent one, when Lauren invites Heidi to her apartment only to tell her, "I want to forgive you ... and, I want to forget you." I was so proud of Lauren for saying that. My next favorite episode is going to be the one where Lo takes Audrina out for drinks and convinces her to dump Justin Bobby for good. Unless of course Whitney falls down a staircase again. Because that's just great television and would obviously trump all.

Can I just ask a question of my readers who are either in, or from, LA? On average, over the course of four days, if that equals 12 meals for you, how many of those would be eaten out at a restaurant with a friend? Also, over the course of the same four days, on how many of those days would you be wearing heels? These girls, at age 21, wear heels more often than I ever have in my entire life, and I'm ten years older than they are.

Stuff We All Get - Operative Word Being ALL

There are some bloggers who get free shit. I am not one of them. Until now. If you've always wondered how to be one of those people who get swag, you are not alone. As far as I can tell, you don't really have to do anything special, and they'll just come to you. At least, that's how it seems to be working for me.

Back at the end of May, someone from MTV e-mailed me, asking if I was interested in mentioning some stuff in order to get some stuff. (I think she found me because I've written about The Hills, but I'm just guessing.) Does a fat kid like candy? Of course I was interested in free shit, and I wrote her back saying so. And then I never heard from her again.

Until last week, when she e-mailed me a second time to ask if I was still interested. Now I know you guys don't want to read this if I'm just randomly plugging stuff. What do you get out of it? The answer is, you can get free shit too, and that's why I'm happy to plug away. And so, here's me, fulfilling my end of the bargain:

You can now buy The Hills (Season Two) on DVD! The first hundred people to pre-order (that means ordering it before you order it) get a bag of free stuff (different free shit than I'll be getting). It's totally worth buying just to see Whitney fall down the stairs. Remember that? Good times, good times.

The Hills! (Spoiler)

WHITNEY FELL! HOLY CRAP! Who else saw that? OH MY GOD I CAN'T BELIEVE WHITNEY FELL DOWN THE STAIRS WEARING THE HILARY SWANK DRESS!

Okay seriously, was that not the funniest thing EVER? And equally awesome was at the end of the show when Whitney and Lauren are telling Audrina about the fall and Lauren says something like, "I thought it was going to be a domino effect with all the models falling down, but it wasn't."

Here's a clip for those of you who want to watch it over and over, like I do.

I am also proud of Heidi for telling Spencer (a.k.a. Steve Sanders) she wasn't moving in with him. Now I respect her a tiny bit more. This is the first thing she's done right all season.

Thank you for sharing this with me. Really, I must start having Hills parties each Tuesday night.