For SHAME Lauren Conrad, FOR SHAME!

Okay so I'm a little behind the times, what with not having MTV with my crappy cable company that has a monopoly at my apartment complex. Luckily, several months ago, a friend who shares my love for The Hills alerted me to the fact that MTV allows fans to watch the show at their website. (Real friends help friends watch The Hills!) Last night, I watched the episode where Lauren and Whitney (Port, port!) went to Paris for the ball. They were lent dresses, ballgowns really, for the ball, from a huge, famous designer. The night before the ball, Lauren and Whits decide to go out so Lauren can make eyes at an ugly boy in a band who wears skinny pants and smokes. Whitney packed her entire closet in LA, and has a dress for this faux event, but Lauren only brought pencil skirts, and decides to hem her ballgown and wear it out.

Any normal person would know this is a bad idea. Lauren has stopped being normal. So she hems the ballgown and she and Whitless go off into the night for Lauren to begin her Making Eyes at Ugly French Boys Project. While successful in her eye communication, the next day when Lauren is about to start getting ready for the ball, the reason she was flown to Paris (as an intern) in the first place, she finds a stain on her expensive-yet-not-hers ballgown.

At first Lauren thinks it's coffee. But no, it's an even more lame stain than that. Lauren left her curling iron on and it stained the fabric on the dress. The dress is now ruined. I don't know how many balls you've attended, but I attend only three each season, and even I know one simply can not show up to a ball without a gown. To Lauren, THIS is her main problem, this is the reason she gets tears in her eyes. Had I been in Lauren's position, the tears in my eyes would have been for having ruined someone else's very expensive ballgown that they LENT TO ME! Lauren only seemed concerned that she wouldn't be able to attend the ball. Whitters saves the day by talking the designer into lending Lauren a second ballgown, and Lauren was ultimately able to attend the ball. I know that this is only a reality tv show and that not everything can be shown. But I would like to know if the stain came out, and if not, whether or not Lauren paid for the ballgown she ruined, and if it got back to Teen Vogue that she ruined something she was lent based on Teen Vogue's reputation.

These are the types of things that keep me up at night.

We're Back To the Hills

I've been sick lately, and yesterday I felt well enough to do more than lay in bed moaning yet not well enough to go sit in front of the tv in our living room. Which clearly meant I should watch tv on my laptop.

For about three hours I watched all the episodes of The Hills from this season that I've missed, because my shitty cable company doesn't provide MTV anymore.

And I see now that nothing's really changed. Heidi is still friendless except for Spencer, who swallows hard any time his boobily enhanced girlfriend mentions wedding details. Lauren is still trying to figure out whether or not she likes Brody, who was wearing a bitch of a brace on his birthday in Vegas. Whitney still wants to know about all of Lauren's drama, and manages to screw up at work by being both unprofessional and unprepared yet keep getting told she's doing a good job. And Audrina, bless her heart, is still being serenaded by Justin Bobby's belches. Oh, and she got a promotion to a cubicle. Sweet girl, but not too smart. I'm glad she's got Lauren as a friend.

My favorite person on the entire show is Lo, even though she only guest stars. Lo is fucking hysterical. My favorite episode was a recent one, when Lauren invites Heidi to her apartment only to tell her, "I want to forgive you ... and, I want to forget you." I was so proud of Lauren for saying that. My next favorite episode is going to be the one where Lo takes Audrina out for drinks and convinces her to dump Justin Bobby for good. Unless of course Whitney falls down a staircase again. Because that's just great television and would obviously trump all.

Can I just ask a question of my readers who are either in, or from, LA? On average, over the course of four days, if that equals 12 meals for you, how many of those would be eaten out at a restaurant with a friend? Also, over the course of the same four days, on how many of those days would you be wearing heels? These girls, at age 21, wear heels more often than I ever have in my entire life, and I'm ten years older than they are.

Stuff We All Get - Operative Word Being ALL

There are some bloggers who get free shit. I am not one of them. Until now. If you've always wondered how to be one of those people who get swag, you are not alone. As far as I can tell, you don't really have to do anything special, and they'll just come to you. At least, that's how it seems to be working for me.

Back at the end of May, someone from MTV e-mailed me, asking if I was interested in mentioning some stuff in order to get some stuff. (I think she found me because I've written about The Hills, but I'm just guessing.) Does a fat kid like candy? Of course I was interested in free shit, and I wrote her back saying so. And then I never heard from her again.

Until last week, when she e-mailed me a second time to ask if I was still interested. Now I know you guys don't want to read this if I'm just randomly plugging stuff. What do you get out of it? The answer is, you can get free shit too, and that's why I'm happy to plug away. And so, here's me, fulfilling my end of the bargain:

You can now buy The Hills (Season Two) on DVD! The first hundred people to pre-order (that means ordering it before you order it) get a bag of free stuff (different free shit than I'll be getting). It's totally worth buying just to see Whitney fall down the stairs. Remember that? Good times, good times.

The Hills! (Spoiler)

WHITNEY FELL! HOLY CRAP! Who else saw that? OH MY GOD I CAN'T BELIEVE WHITNEY FELL DOWN THE STAIRS WEARING THE HILARY SWANK DRESS!

Okay seriously, was that not the funniest thing EVER? And equally awesome was at the end of the show when Whitney and Lauren are telling Audrina about the fall and Lauren says something like, "I thought it was going to be a domino effect with all the models falling down, but it wasn't."

Here's a clip for those of you who want to watch it over and over, like I do.

I am also proud of Heidi for telling Spencer (a.k.a. Steve Sanders) she wasn't moving in with him. Now I respect her a tiny bit more. This is the first thing she's done right all season.

Thank you for sharing this with me. Really, I must start having Hills parties each Tuesday night.