Shocking Moment

Who are we kidding? I've always had a big mouth, and nothing's changed. I decided today was the day I was definitely going to talk to the Turkey about Nicki. Totally got all riled up. Apparently it showed on my face, because upon sitting down in Turkey's office for our morning meeting, he announced I looked upset and asked what was wrong. Deep sigh. "Nicki."

Turkey waved his hand around, and was like "Don't even get me started!" Before I could launch into my speech, Turkey told me he's very upset with her too, and he was especially upset at hearing how she spoke to me yesterday. It was nice to hear that - I've never heard anyone say they disliked someone being mean or disrespectful to me.

Nicki has, as of tonight, left for a three-week trip. During this morning's meeting Turkey was going to talk to her today, but he hadn't realized she wasn't coming into the office. It is not clear if he is going to tell her not to bother coming back or if he'll put up with her just to give her a chance to change her attitude towards her work. About a week ago she sent a check to Turkey's bank without a deposit slip, and Turkey had written checks against that money.

Now personally, I would think he'd have overdraft protection being a multi-millionaire and all, but maybe not. When he found out about the check he was pretty furious at Nicki, but she didn't seem to grasp that she'd royally screwed up. Anyway. We'll see what happens - how the substitute works out, and whether she's allowed back.

Gay or Straight?

Turkey is the most inappropriate boss to ever live in current times. He used the word "tits" in an email to me recently. A couple of weeks ago, when he called from out of the office he used the term "my balls" when referring to how he hides a key for a filing cabinet in a box that contains ben wa balls.

Most recently, the substitute for Nicki interrupted the morning meeting Turkey and I have each day. After he walked out, Turkey looked at me. "What do you think? Gay or straight?"

Whoa there. We're at work! I know this is your law firm and you think you can do whatever you want, but asking an employee about another employee's sexual orientation is wildly inappropriate at best, and sexual harassment at its worst. I wanted to just smack my hand down on his desk, yelling "For god's sake, FILTER!"

But that wouldn't have gone over well, so I just smiled shyly and shrugged, which was the best I could come up with in the quarter second I had to think about how to react. How would you have answered that one?

For the record, I think the substitute is straight.

Tell Me to Keep My Mouth Shut

Turkey got a new personal assistant a couple of months ago. Now somebody new slices his salami. Let's say the new personal assistant's name is Nicki. I like Nicki as a person. She's fun to talk with, and it'd be fun to hang out with her. For maybe two hours, three hours tops. She's got a frenetic energy to her that, mixed with Red Bull, I find a little exhausting. She's 28, and acts like it. The office manager is 11 years older than I am, and even with that big of an age-gap, we both feel like Nicki's distinctly in a different generation than we are.

Nicki confuses aggressive with assertive. Nicki thinks she is the best thing since organic, whole-wheat, locally sliced bread. She does not know how to pull her own weight. She thinks she is smarter than everyone around her. Now, to be perfectly honest, I think with a little bit of training, I could do a better job than Turkey at what he does. But Nicki has never worked in an office together, and based on how she gets along with all of us, she clearly failed kindergarten.

Nicki works remotely sometimes. She is supposed to be able to access our Outlook system via her iPhone. Yet she is forever calling me from afar and saying, "Hey, can you give me Julie Ducket's phone number?" Here's the wild and crazy thing: she does this when she's in the office too. Forever claiming she can't find someone within the Contacts. I've told her more than once that she needs to have access to Turkey's calendar and contacts, and if she doesn't, to call IT and make them make it happen. I guess it's easier for her to just ask me.

All work emails sent to Nicki are supposed to both go to her work email address, and automatically forward to her gmail. She has a habit of not doing tasks Turkey gives her, and then claiming she didn't receive the email telling her to do said task. Last week she claimed she only gets emails forwarded to gmail if the Outlook program is open on her work computer. I don't believe that, but fine, so the second Turkey relayed Nicki was telling him this, I got out of my seat, went to her computer, and opened Outlook.

Three hours later when she still hadn't done the task, she told Turkey I had only turned on her computer. That I hadn't understood her Outlook program also needed to be open. Bullshit. She just didn't want to do what she'd been told.

The very first task Nicki was given two months ago, was not done. Office Manager and I were supposed to do it last week since Nicki didn't do it, but we were both busy doing our regular work and didn't get around to it. Tomorrow, Nicki leaves for Germany for three weeks (don't ask) and her substitute started today. I decided to punt, and gave him this file cabinet project from hell.

When I told Nicki that, she was happy, and I gently said I'd gotten the impression she simply was never going to do it. She nodded in agreement, and told me, "That ... stuff, isn't my forte." Yeah, no shit. Seems like a lot of things fall into that category. Problem is, when Nicki doesn't do things, someone else has to do them. It is not acceptable (to me) when that person is me!

Girlie

A friend just told me today that it's very common for gay men to be misogynistic. It took me about three years to grasp the meaning of that word, and I still have to look it up sometimes (don't even start with the word ambivalent), but Turkey, who is gay, is definitely very misogynistic.

The other day he had his new personal assistant going through the over 16,000 unread emails he had to delete or print them as appropriate. We ran across several sexually explicit emails sent to him. He had to have known he gets porny spam. His allowing, hell ordering, women in his office to be subjected to that is sexual harassment.

I'm not even outraged anymore. Turkey does so many wildly inappropriate things that this is barely even one of them. From digging deep into his ass from outside his pants while chatting with employees, to constantly talking about how he's going to "the bahhhthroom", to handing me a stack of legal journals and instructing me to put them in the men's restroom for him to read there, to making comments about employees' breasts. He is a ball of inappropriateness.

Turkey is out this week but I haven't been able to properly enjoy it, and that annoys me. And it annoys me that Turkey annoys me even when he's not around.

Just Start

There is so much to say. So, so very much. I can't even figure out how to catch you all up. I'm still unmarried without kids. Didn't win the lotto. It's officially been a year working for the Turkey (including temp time, but same employer so it counts). Still trying to find a new job, still trying to find a new apartment. Today as I put down my bag and iPod after walking home from work, I realized, "I am 35 and have been job-hunting for all of my thirties." This thought made me want to Take To Bed (a phrase I've been loving lately) immediately.

Tomorrow I have to get up at ass o'clock to get to a meeting with a recruiter. My parents are coming to town in about a month. I am re-thinking a trip I was tentatively planning for later this year.

You know what I wish? I wish I was better at being a person. Yes, I know - you're supposed to say you wish you were a better cook, or better at clothing shopping, or reading a map or whatever. I don't really need to be a better cook - I'm only cooking for me anyway. When I went to visit my grandmother after my grandfather (not the one I wrote about, the other one) died she told me now that she wasn't cooking for her husband anymore, she didn't cook.

Last night I only slept for two hours. Remember the movie Precious? Well, the book was called Push. I'm reading the sequel. It's about the son Precious had. Hard book to read due to the style of writing.

Trixie got married and had a baby. It's a girl. I haven't seen it yet, but Trixie is really cute and her husband is really handsome so I'm sure the baby is adorable.

Lately I have been chatting on Facebook with a girl from my private high school. When we first got back in touch, she was really bat-shit crazy and I was holding her at a distance. She tried to invite herself to stay with me, and even when I kept explaining I don't even have enough floor space to walk a straight line. Ultimately she went to live with her mother in Florida for a few months, and then moved back to where she'd been. The difference in her was astounding, and I asked about it. I can't believe it needed to be said to me, of all people, but she explained, "I was facing homelessness - how would you behave if you were?"

It made me think about the time I screamed at my friend so loudly that it ripped my throat. Because after paying rent and for a cell phone with my unemployment checks I had about $200 left each month. Because I'd been looking for work for so long with not enough luck. It left me feeling stupid that I hadn't realized the depths of what she was going through.

Speaking of homeless, I saw my homeless friend/neighbor this morning. His dog wasn't with him. Felt like a five year old, but still came right out with it. "Hi, where's your dog?" The guy shared that the dog was staying with his friend, because he'd been sick and in the hospital. Well. Okay then. Probably just skimmed the surface there.

But isn't that what most conversations do? Skim the surface of what really needs to be said?