The Bitch On Her Blog
I'm Gonna TellTrust Issues
A friend and I got into a ... fight? Misunderstanding? Whatever you want to call it. A not-getting-along-swimmingly. That's what I want to call it. She e-mailed me saying she didn't want to be friends anymore. My whole issue with having a history of not being able to keep friends is another post. The friend and I kept talking (e-mailing). We're going to be okay. That is not the point of this post. It may be the point of another post.
The point of this post is that at one point, in talking about a third person, she said something like "I don't want to be the bitch on her blog who ..." and I responded "Just like you didn't want to be that bitch on her blog, I didn't want to be THIS bitch on her blog who ..." It made me think. It made me sad.
Are blogs really so popular now that people worry about their actions being blogged about? (Excuse me while I laugh at this irony.) I know my blog about Rique at Trader Joe's was not nice. I certainly haven't forgotten my whole family issue. I talk a lot of smack about my work people. But are we really living in a society where people's actions are hindered and thoughts they previously would have shared are muted if they know the other person they're dealing with has a blog? Should this be the way things are? Do other people who have blogs constantly think "Is this anything to blog about?" as they're having conversations? I don't. Something will happen, and I may think "I feel a blog post coming on." I may get angry at LEL for something and instead of cursing her out and losing my job because I can't just let it go, I remind myself I can vent by writing about it later. But it never occurs to me in the moment something is happening that I should see it as a blogging opportunity. I'm usually too busy doing whatever I'm doing. Perhaps I'm not the best multi-tasker. I felt sad when I read that sentence my friend wrote.
Sure, I want to write about the fight my friend and I had, so technically, yes, I plan to write about it. Except that, it's not HER I want to write about. It's how what she said made me feel and what it reminded me of, that I want to write about. Really, the only reason I will write about the fight is to explain what I'm talking about. Some may be thinking "Why not just write to her directly, instead of blogging about it? Better yet, why not call her?" Because. Because if I blog about it, there may be no response, or a "Huh, I didn't know that about you" response, or a "Hey, I've had the same thing happen in my life" response. But if I write to someone about this, I fear the "Why are you bothering to tell me this?" response. I don't want to worry that I'd get that response. This particular Someone would not say that to me, I'm sure. Even when she was angry at me she was not being mean, and that sentence is designed to hurt someone's feelings. But I've been hurt that way before, even by people who say they love me. So I have trust issues. I'm working on them, getting better at trusting people, and giving the benefit of the doubt. Still a long way to go. "And miles to go before they sleep."