The Bitch On Her Blog
Other potential titles for this post:
Blog Fodder
I'm Gonna TellTrust Issues
A friend and I got into a ... fight? Misunderstanding? Whatever you want to call it. A not-getting-along-swimmingly. That's what I want to call it. She e-mailed me saying she didn't want to be friends anymore. My whole issue with having a history of not being able to keep friends is another post. The friend and I kept talking (e-mailing). We're going to be okay. That is not the point of this post. It may be the point of another post.
The point of this post is that at one point, in talking about a third person, she said something like "I don't want to be the bitch on her blog who ..." and I responded "Just like you didn't want to be that bitch on her blog, I didn't want to be THIS bitch on her blog who ..." It made me think. It made me sad.
Are blogs really so popular now that people worry about their actions being blogged about? (Excuse me while I laugh at this irony.) I know my blog about Rique at Trader Joe's was not nice. I certainly haven't forgotten my whole family issue. I talk a lot of smack about my work people. But are we really living in a society where people's actions are hindered and thoughts they previously would have shared are muted if they know the other person they're dealing with has a blog? Should this be the way things are? Do other people who have blogs constantly think "Is this anything to blog about?" as they're having conversations? I don't. Something will happen, and I may think "I feel a blog post coming on." I may get angry at LEL for something and instead of cursing her out and losing my job because I can't just let it go, I remind myself I can vent by writing about it later. But it never occurs to me in the moment something is happening that I should see it as a blogging opportunity. I'm usually too busy doing whatever I'm doing. Perhaps I'm not the best multi-tasker. I felt sad when I read that sentence my friend wrote.
Sure, I want to write about the fight my friend and I had, so technically, yes, I plan to write about it. Except that, it's not HER I want to write about. It's how what she said made me feel and what it reminded me of, that I want to write about. Really, the only reason I will write about the fight is to explain what I'm talking about. Some may be thinking "Why not just write to her directly, instead of blogging about it? Better yet, why not call her?" Because. Because if I blog about it, there may be no response, or a "Huh, I didn't know that about you" response, or a "Hey, I've had the same thing happen in my life" response. But if I write to someone about this, I fear the "Why are you bothering to tell me this?" response. I don't want to worry that I'd get that response. This particular Someone would not say that to me, I'm sure. Even when she was angry at me she was not being mean, and that sentence is designed to hurt someone's feelings. But I've been hurt that way before, even by people who say they love me. So I have trust issues. I'm working on them, getting better at trusting people, and giving the benefit of the doubt. Still a long way to go. "And miles to go before they sleep."
Blog Fodder
I'm Gonna TellTrust Issues
A friend and I got into a ... fight? Misunderstanding? Whatever you want to call it. A not-getting-along-swimmingly. That's what I want to call it. She e-mailed me saying she didn't want to be friends anymore. My whole issue with having a history of not being able to keep friends is another post. The friend and I kept talking (e-mailing). We're going to be okay. That is not the point of this post. It may be the point of another post.
The point of this post is that at one point, in talking about a third person, she said something like "I don't want to be the bitch on her blog who ..." and I responded "Just like you didn't want to be that bitch on her blog, I didn't want to be THIS bitch on her blog who ..." It made me think. It made me sad.
Are blogs really so popular now that people worry about their actions being blogged about? (Excuse me while I laugh at this irony.) I know my blog about Rique at Trader Joe's was not nice. I certainly haven't forgotten my whole family issue. I talk a lot of smack about my work people. But are we really living in a society where people's actions are hindered and thoughts they previously would have shared are muted if they know the other person they're dealing with has a blog? Should this be the way things are? Do other people who have blogs constantly think "Is this anything to blog about?" as they're having conversations? I don't. Something will happen, and I may think "I feel a blog post coming on." I may get angry at LEL for something and instead of cursing her out and losing my job because I can't just let it go, I remind myself I can vent by writing about it later. But it never occurs to me in the moment something is happening that I should see it as a blogging opportunity. I'm usually too busy doing whatever I'm doing. Perhaps I'm not the best multi-tasker. I felt sad when I read that sentence my friend wrote.
Sure, I want to write about the fight my friend and I had, so technically, yes, I plan to write about it. Except that, it's not HER I want to write about. It's how what she said made me feel and what it reminded me of, that I want to write about. Really, the only reason I will write about the fight is to explain what I'm talking about. Some may be thinking "Why not just write to her directly, instead of blogging about it? Better yet, why not call her?" Because. Because if I blog about it, there may be no response, or a "Huh, I didn't know that about you" response, or a "Hey, I've had the same thing happen in my life" response. But if I write to someone about this, I fear the "Why are you bothering to tell me this?" response. I don't want to worry that I'd get that response. This particular Someone would not say that to me, I'm sure. Even when she was angry at me she was not being mean, and that sentence is designed to hurt someone's feelings. But I've been hurt that way before, even by people who say they love me. So I have trust issues. I'm working on them, getting better at trusting people, and giving the benefit of the doubt. Still a long way to go. "And miles to go before they sleep."
posted by Green at 3/28/2006 09:57:00 AM
6 Comments:
I have found that people DO temper their actions around me, or they jokingly (nervously) state "oh she's going to blog about this", when something funny,embarrassing, or eventful happens. Weird. I think that is a stigma of the non blogging world though...not mine. :)
I think some people do think about being blogged about. I would hope that's a good thing, you know, like all those people who say, "I tip better," and "I am nicer to my waiter," after reading Waiter Rant and realizing they just might be that asshole customer on some guy's blog. Even so, I think most blogs are about the blogger, not the subjects. It's a way for the blogger to clarify things in his own mind and to relieve built-up stress. Sure, it's easy for me to say, not being blogged about....
I read somewhere that it's actually pretty rare that two people leading separate lives (non-couples) maintain a close friendship for many years. It's not that the relationship fails or that there's something wrong with the people. It's just that everyone's lives change, everyone changes, and it's incredibly difficult to stay close.
Personally, (maybe I'm lazy, maybe I'm selfish, I don't know) I've given up on having girlfriends. I've had enough bad experiences with back-stabbing and lying and catty put-downs and just having them bail on me for a new boyfriend when I need them the most that I really don't feel like taking away from quality time with my sweetie and my alone time to find a nice woman to pal around with. I think I've been incredibly lucky to find a man who won't kick me in the gut, so why keep looking? Why go through that "getting past the facade" phase to find out how they really treat their friends if you're happy with one good friend? But that's my own trust issue...
Hey,GY, it sounds like there's a tornado of things swirling around in your head all at one time. If you can afford to wait for the weather to change and all the dust to settle, you might be able to deal with all of these issues one by one, giving each your full concentration . Maybe then you will be able to make the best decision for you and how you want to direct your life.
In the meantime take a deep breath and go forth to conquer the day. Have faith in yourself. You can deal with it all.
BTW, the inside things are usually harder to deal with than the things outside of you. Usually, they have more and the most significant tangents to consider. Sometimes even the tangents have tangents giving you lots to think about.
How important is this anyway?
Stop to smell the pretty flowers!
I find I'm often likely not to blog about something because of who might read it.
For example: I don't often talk about work, b/c I know someone from work who reads it.
I won't say anything negative about my in-laws b/c I hear from them every so often that they enjoy reading what is going on with me. Often my venting medium is closed because I can't vent. But that was my choice to tell those people that I have a blog. Ugh.
It's such a hard balance.
when my blog killed a friendship (or what i blogged killed a friendship -or- what i blogged about blogging killed a friendship -or- what i blogged about not being able to blog killed a friendship) i re-assesed my blogging intentions. i don't blog to embarass my friends, take passive aggressive jabs at them or call them out on bad behavior or actions. i blog about what happens in my life because ultimately it is my diary. meant for me, but read by others. i don't say anything on the blog that i wouldnt say to the face of the person about whom i'm blogging.
all that said, people shouldnt say or do anything in public that they don't want other people talking about. a blog is just a high-powered microscope of life. it magnifies the minutae of life because we have the ability to put it out there for others to see. if we didn't do that, blogs wouldnt be so powerful.
i would never change my actions to avoid being blogged about. and i would hope that the 10 bloggers i met over the course of this week didn't change any of their behaviors based on fear of my blog.
ever since i have recently decided to stop giving a fuck about what other people think of my blog, its content and how things "look" to outsiders, i have been the most liberated blogger on the interwebs. this new mindset has served me well so far. sorry to ramble. i don't even know where all of that came from.
Greenie:
Stop telling people you know about your blog! I have a blog and write everything on it. But I haven't told one friend or workmate about it. Sure, I get comments from people, maybe even someone I know. Doesn't matter. If you want to write whatever comes into your head, you either have to stop telling people you know about the blog or edit your writing/thoughts - which do you prefer? I mean, isn't it supposed to be a diary? Haven't you chosen "Ramblings of a Green Yogurt" as your nom de guerre for a reason?
Caryn
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