All I Want Is Time and Grammar Lessons
Most of the time people are surprised when they find out I don't have a bachelor's degree, and that pleases me. Except, then they expect me to know things. Like grammar. Unfortunately, they don't teach grammar in college. Well, actually they do sometimes, but I tested out of those non-credit classes when I took the college placement test.
I need third-grade grammar. Apparently, I was very busy in third grade - my worst grade of elementary school, made even worse due to it following my best year - and along with map skills and parts of the eye and ear, completely missed learning grammar and parts of speech. During a huge punishment in 7th grade, I managed to teach myself some very basic, elementary if you will, grammar. Like what verbs, nouns and adjectives are.
There was a tv show called the Adventures of Beans Baxter, and it's from that show that I learned what an adverb is. Prepositions and prepositional phrases are still iffy, and I can't stop ending sentences with prepositions.
I'd like to think it's just because I'm sick that I've made a lot of grammatical errors at work this week. But I know that's not the truth. I have no clue how to do those posessive apostophes and all that shit. The partner just told me yesterday that when a last name ends in a Z, you treat it like an S in terms of apostrophes. I did not know that. Do most people know that? How the hell do you learn these things?
Hanukah is a week away, and my family keeps asking what I want. I want to learn grammar - that's what I want. I don't want a book that teaches grammar, because I can't learn that way. I want someone to actually sit down and teach me the things I don't know in a way that I can learn them.
I know people like to give presents that don't require time and effort beyond buying something, or some things. But I have too many things as it is. I need fewer things. In fact, if someone gave me a present of helping me sell or give away some of my things, I'd love that. If I get another vase, I will cry. What I want, is what I need. And what I need, is help with various things. And yoga classes. It's time to bring back the fucking yoga.
I need third-grade grammar. Apparently, I was very busy in third grade - my worst grade of elementary school, made even worse due to it following my best year - and along with map skills and parts of the eye and ear, completely missed learning grammar and parts of speech. During a huge punishment in 7th grade, I managed to teach myself some very basic, elementary if you will, grammar. Like what verbs, nouns and adjectives are.
There was a tv show called the Adventures of Beans Baxter, and it's from that show that I learned what an adverb is. Prepositions and prepositional phrases are still iffy, and I can't stop ending sentences with prepositions.
I'd like to think it's just because I'm sick that I've made a lot of grammatical errors at work this week. But I know that's not the truth. I have no clue how to do those posessive apostophes and all that shit. The partner just told me yesterday that when a last name ends in a Z, you treat it like an S in terms of apostrophes. I did not know that. Do most people know that? How the hell do you learn these things?
Hanukah is a week away, and my family keeps asking what I want. I want to learn grammar - that's what I want. I don't want a book that teaches grammar, because I can't learn that way. I want someone to actually sit down and teach me the things I don't know in a way that I can learn them.
I know people like to give presents that don't require time and effort beyond buying something, or some things. But I have too many things as it is. I need fewer things. In fact, if someone gave me a present of helping me sell or give away some of my things, I'd love that. If I get another vase, I will cry. What I want, is what I need. And what I need, is help with various things. And yoga classes. It's time to bring back the fucking yoga.
Labels: LD Strikes Again, presents, Work, Yoga
posted by Green at 11/29/2007 09:40:00 AM
10 Comments:
How ya feelin' BTW?
S, you're so nice to ask, thank you. Definitely better than last Thursday. But still not leaving the house without tissues, and still getting dirty looks when I cough on the bus. :)
I hope Mrs. Silliyak is also on the road to recovery.
Do you mean possessive as in it's and that's or more like King's Ransom or Rachel's blog? Because if it is it's I always see if "it is" works in the sentence, otherwise it's "its". Or "that is" for that's. Does that make sense? I think a lot of people have trouble with possessives. I haven't noticed any in your blog and I read it very regularly, so don't worry too much!
I was good at spelling, but I could never understand anything about nouns, verbs, adverbs, conjunctions and the rest of that crap. I was retarded when it came to examining a sentence and breaking it down. If I got any right it was luck because I had to guess them. I HATED grammar.
Then I found these cartoons on T.V. They really helped a lot. When they were re issued for 25th anniversary, I couldn't wait to buy them for my kids.
http://www.school-house-rock.com/GrammarRock.html
I once thought I was pretty good at grammar, but either I forgot A LOT or people keep changing the rules.
For instance, I was taught that the only times you add an apostrophe, as opposed to an apostrophe s, to make a possessive was when you had a plural that ended in s or when making "Jesus" possessive. Don't ask me why "Jesus" gets special treatment, they wouldn't tell me when I asked. However, I've come across people who swear that you add only an apostrophe any time the word ends in s, regardless of whether it's singular or plural.
CONFUSING! Is it Fitz's Root Beer or Fitz' Root Beer? The bus's door or the bus' door? Miss Bliss's classroom or Miss Bliss' classroom? I'm sticking to my original teachings.
Also, I've stopped worrying about ending sentences with prepositions. I've read too many books and seen too many movies where people who are absolutely expected to speak properly often ended sentences that way, so as long as people still understand what I'm saying....
Ask for a DVD of School House Rock. I remember watching those cartoons as a kid.
Conjunction function, what's your function?
Jeez, I just sang that outloud...Anyway, that could help you learn. It's a fun way of doing it.
Well, I don't believe the z apostrophe thing at all. That doesn't mean it isn't true, but I did teach writing and grammar for a while there. I've still been wrong about grammar, though.
I also found grammar really challenging, and I've had a couple of memorable breakthroughs. One was tutoring a kid in grammar when I was in high school. I think that's when I finally got what a gerund was. And in the process of teaching my class about parallelism, I finally came to understand it. I think the biggest problem with understanding grammar is that teachers often teach it poorly. Including me.
Regarding ending sentences with a preposition, I think it was Winston Churchill who said, "This is the type of nonsense up with which I shall not put".
I'd guess that Groucho Marx may also have said something about it. Oops, I just ended with a preposition :-)
That thing with the Z' is dead wrong. It's always apostrophe-S unless adding the S would render something unpronounceable. That said, you will never convince a lawyer he's wrong about grammar, so at work, do it his way.
Oh, and that thing about ending sentences with prepositions? Churchill was right, and Bryan Garner agrees with him.
"Gerund" was in today's crossword. Still had to look it up and still didn't understand it.
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