Secondly, it's five months in, and I'm still working with Turkey. He's ... still a turkey. That's never going to change. But working with him at a big law firm provides a buffer for me that was sorely lacking in the other place. He cares very much about what others think of him, so having others around keeps Turkey in check to a small degree.
About a month ago the firm did evaluations and raises/bonuses. I'd barely been permanent for a month so assumed there'd be none for me. Wrong. Turkey and the midwestern girl reviewed me. I had to sit with the HR lady while she handed me the reviews they wrote. Then she told me since I'd just started, they couldn't justify giving me a raise. However, they did want me to feel appreciated, so she went to the head honchos and got them to give me a bonus.
Here's how I envision it went down:
HR: We should give Green a bonus.
Head Honchos: Who now?
HR: You know - the one who's working with Turkey.
HH: Oh, shit. Yes! Here's $20 from me.
And I imagine she just went to every single partner, and then each associate, and then each employee who has ever had to deal with Turkey, getting $20 from each person, pulling together my bonus.
Lastly, today, like most days, Turkey was wearing leather shoes that squeak with every step. We can hear him coming from all the way down the hall. Squeak, squeak, squeak. Everywhere he goes, we can hear him squeak along. At one point, Turkey squeaked his way out of his office, right as a call came in for him. Without even thinking about it, I inquired to the girl who sits next to me, "Where'd Squeaky go?" She was being given instructions by a partner who overheard, and he kind of snickered as he kept talking, and then all three of us were giggling.
The best part was, Turkey was close by - I just couldn't see him! (He didn't hear me.)