You Stoopit

If you're a guy, I've been told by other guys, that when you walk into any room, you look at all the other people and assess their fighting ability based on looks, and figure out who might be a threat to you.

I do that but with smarts. I dismiss all stupid people as a threat, and then try to figure out where I am in line with the smart people. Usually I'm behind them. All of them. Damn learning disabilities always screw things up for me. It's one of those things that's only fine with me because I have no choice but to accept it.

When it comes to science, I was given a D in the easiest science class a community college had to offer, and that D was a real gift, that I only received after doing two sixth-grade level extra credit papers. 9am happens to have a Masters degree in chemistry. So you know, I defer to him when we wind up talking science.

Last night after company left I was watching tv, and something on it prompted 9am and I to wind up talking about why the sky is blue.* Literally. 9am told me it's not really that whole sun-reflecting-off-the-ocean reason I was taught. Instead it's something to do with how there's moisture in the air and when sunlight hits the moisture the light defracts and it creates the color blue. He then said something about how different places in the sky have different levels of pollution and I think he may have then told me that places with more pollution have prettier sunsets, but I was lost by this point. Since I was comfortable and in the privacy of my own home, I allowed the "Oh god, please dumb it down for me" look to cross my face as 9am explained this, and as you may be able to see from what I said, I kind of got it (unless I'm totally off-base, in which case, well, what the hell did you expect, I'm a freaking moron!).

I thought about what 9am said, and asked if there are different levels of moisture at different levels of the atmosphere, and if the answer to that was yes, does that mean that different levels of the atmosphere are different shades of blue? At this point my head exploded and 9am was busy cleaning the blood off the carpeting before it stained and that distracted me from getting this question answered.

However, since is not the point of this post. But since I'm off-point I'll continue in that direction and say this: you can go to school to become a teacher, but really, you either ARE a teacher or you are NOT. The smartest people can be horrible teachers. Every single member of my family is a great teacher, and only one of us went to school for that. 9am is a great teacher (I happen to be a horrible student).

The point of this post is this: also on the news was how the Olympic torch route was changed at the very last minute and how upset thousands of people who turned out to watch it got. 9am turned to me and said he bet there'd be lots of lawsuits with the city. Why do you say that, my Iranian friend? He asked me, "What if someone from 100 miles away took the day off from work and spent a tank of gas driving into the city all to watch the torch, only to miss it? I shook my head at this silly law student. "There's no case. The City is under no obligation. They signed no contract with the general public." 9am argued with me, "But they advertised. People spent money based on this." My decision was final. "There is no case. San Francisco had no obligation to produce entertainment. They *ARE* under obligations to keep the city as safe as possible, which is what they believe they did. If a store advertises a product and you go to the store to buy it only to arrive and find they have sold out, will you have a case if you sue the store? No. Bait-and-switch would only apply if they refused to give you a raincheck for when the product comes in AND more importantly, tried to sell you something else that costs more than the original product you wanted to buy."

With that issue resolved, we then started talking about how our day had gone. I told 9am about how Sara-Elizabeth is suddenly gone, and nobody seems to know why. I told him since it would be career death for a lawyer to quit without giving any notice, I think she was fired. "Can they DO that?!" "Do what?" 9am clarified, "Can they really just fire her without giving her two week's notice?" At this point my brain exploded, but for different reasons from the last time. "Dude. Everything is at-will. Do you realize how much of a liability company's would be at if they gave everyone they were going to shit-can two week's notice?" 9am nodded, and agreed that made sense.

Geez. I'm not so sure he's going to be a good lawyer. Maybe he should have stuck with the chemistry.

*I just want to note that this site does NOT make science simple enough for this simpleton.

Even Lawyers Cry At Work Sometimes

*Just want to say that while I know many more people read than comment, I don't know if any legal secretaries are reading. If you are, and want me to post my notes on ECF filings, please comment and let me know to throw them up here.

Because Perky Paula left the firm, I've gotten her associate, a woman we'll call Sara-Elizabeth (thanks, L!), who is only one year older than I am, has a lisp (a lisp! I *love* lisps!), and is well-liked by everyone.

Well, not everyone. Initially this chick was hired to work with Bitch On Wheels. But that didn't work out. My guess is that Bitch On Wheels was, well, a bitch. Normally when an attorney is mean, they are only mean to support staff but rein in the cruelty when it comes to other attorneys. Not BOW though. She is an equal-opportunity screamer.

Sara-Elizabeth is one of those lawyers who you can tell gets a kick out of having a secretary. Not in a mean, power-gone-to-her-head way, but more in a "I'm going to make my secretary LOVE me!" kind of way. Today when I was walking by Sara-Elizabeth's office, she asked me to come in and close the door.

Sara-Elizabeth proceeded to tell me that this week seemed pretty slow, and she was going to take advantage of that by getting errands done, going to doctor's appointments, and generally not being in the office very much. And then, perhaps because I am such an easy person to talk with, Sara-Elizabeth decided to tell me about BOW. How she had to go to the other partners and tell them she couldn't work with BOW. How it was very hard, but she absolutely knows she made the right decision.

And then Sara-Elizabeth's face changed. Holy fuck, she was at that place - we've all been there. That place where if you say anything else, you will cry. I did not want her to cry on me. So I quickly said, "Yeah, I've had a couple of interactions with BOW." Sara-Elizabeth nodded, and the moment passed.

She explained that all the other attorneys know about how she went up against BOW, and now has to prove her credibility all over again. This means they are slow to give her work. Which means Sara Elizabeth isn't making her hours.

Best-case scenario when an attorney doesn't make their hours? They get little to no bonus. Worst-case? Fired. To say Sara-Elizabeth is stressed would be an understatement. I assured her we will turn work around quickly and make sure everything is perfect.

Ten minutes after I left Sara-Elizabeth's office, she came bounding down the hall with a pleading for me to revise. Glad one of the partner's decided to give her a chance.