Mandy

(Amanda, this is it.)

I first became aware of Mandy some time in middle school. She was a year behind me, and was way beyond not popular. While I was in middle school, Champion sweatshirts exploded onto the Long Island scene. You were supposed to wear your Champion sweatshirt over a turtleneck.

The outfit went like this:
turtleneck
Champion college sweatshirt
sweatpants, with the ankles either pushed up right below the knees, or twisted (out, not in) at the ankle
baggy socks, with the elastic ankles of the sweatpants resting above the socks, and the bottom layer of the baggy socks resting just below the highest part of the Keds
Keds

During the warmer months you could get away with wearing a polo shirt underneath your Champion sweatshirt instead of the turtleneck. I used to wear a white polo my dad had given me, that had some emblem from his company under my sweatshirt.

I had a hot pink Champion, an aqua one, and a peach one. The first two were cheap Champions, and didn't fit the way the sweatshirts were meant to. The peach one fit perfectly, but it was, you know, peach. Later on I got my brother's college Champion, which I think was North Carolina, but I can't be sure. I'm just sure it was black. Then after that I got his old red one, which I liked a lot.

Mandy had a few Champion sweatshirts too. I only remember a red one specifically. She only had the cheap ones, and I think her mother must not have read the label and put hers in the dryer on high, because Mandy's sweatshirts were always too small. They always accentuated her flabbiness.

In the late 80's/early 90's, oversized was in, and nothing else would do. Somehow, Mandy never got the memo, and she showed up most days in a form-fitting Champion sweatshirt. Mandy was not just fat. She was fat in a disproportionate way. Mandy also had permanently red cheeks. She was clumsy. She also, because she got picked on so often, for anything, got flustered very easily.

Yeah, Mandy was very unpopular. She was the type to remind the teacher they forgot to give the class homework. The type to laugh at other people's inside jokes that she didn't get. Mandy also followed rules, in an effort to be viewed as .... I don't know what. Even my mother who is a total stickler for rules, has been known to tell me "That's bullshit" when a rule is ridiculous. It's my mother who taught me that when driving, safety comes before laws.

I can't remember how long it took, but a while after I switched to the private high school towards the end of 10th grade, Mandy switched over there too. This meant not only did I have to ride the tard cart to my school that was several school districts away, but I had to be on a bus with Mandy. A small bus, that didn't leave much room for getting away from her. It's hard to explain what exactly was so annoying about Mandy that made me feel like she deserved to be treated so badly. Probably because it's been over a dozen years since I've seen her. But I will say right now that as badly as I was teased in school, Mandy was so annoying that I felt she deserved to be treated horribly. (Why yes, I AM a terrible person.)

Though I don't remember the cause for it, I do recall a rule being instituted that parents were supposed to wait with students while they were waiting for the tard cart to come in the mornings. My mother is not a morning person - she likes to sleep in. Plus, I was in 11th grade, and she knew damn well I was capable of walking out of the house and locking the door when the bus arrived, without her help or supervision. The first morning the rule was in effect, my mother sat on the couch in the den with me. Tard cart came, I headed out, and my mother was finished following that rule for the rest of time.

Mandy's mom, on the other hand, was not that kind of mother. Not only did Mandy's mother wait with her, but she waited OUTSIDE, in full view of all of us. Each morning, Mandy's mother would stand on the driveway with Mandy. We were all surprised she didn't make it worse by kissing Mandy goodbye in front of us. Now I think "poor Mandy; how humiliating" but at the time I wondered if Mandy's mom was wearing a matching, poorly-fitted Champion under her coat.

I think it was that Mandy tried to involve herself in conversations she wasn't invited to join. If Nicole asked me what time it was, Mandy would answer. "Thanks, Information Central." And that's how we started referring to Mandy as 411. Nicole, Caryn, Kimber, Alayne, Maureen and I would all sit near the back of the tard cart, with the Chrises - Chris the Little Deaf Kid, Chris the Angry Druggie, and Chris the Hot Druggie.

Mandy would sit up front near Marge, our grumpy bus driver. Nancy, the Nice Druggie would sometimes sit with us, and sometimes sit with Chris the Angry Druggie when they had Druggie Issues to discuss. Chris the Hot Druggie would either sleep or chat with us - he could share in our gossip even though we went to different schools, because his cousin Heather went to our school.

Mandy would listen to our conversations and continually interject. Some of us were meaner to her than others. Kimber was shy and quiet - she wouldn't give Mandy a verbal smackdown. But she'd give her the Glare of Death when Mandy was getting on her nerves. Kim would be telling me how she'd fooled around with her neighbor Scott, who was her boyfriend's best friend, and Mandy would lean in and say "Do you think Scott will tell Andy?" Out would come the Glare of Death.

One winter we had an especially crazy snowstorm and I was so determined not to fall walking down my driveway to the tard cart with people watching, that I'd start heading down to the curb early, lest I fall on my ass in front of everyone. Mandy did not have the same plan I did. You know she totally fell on her ass, right as she got in front of the bus. You KNOW I loved seeing people fall (I'm laughing even as I type this) as much then as I do now. I can not even begin to imagine how difficult it was for Mandy to get on the bus, with all of us hysterically laughing at her. Even Marge was laughing.

At my private high school, there was a smoking room. That's right, it was a room where kids could go to smoke during Break or Lunch. There were tables and metal folding chairs. Usually I didn't hang out there, but sometimes I'd go in to talk with someone for a while. Mostly I'd sit on the floor with Alanna or on the benches in the hallway with Kimber or Jen Italian. Sometimes we'd hang out in the front office (which was also the nurse's office).

I was sitting indian style on the filing cabinet in the front office during lunch on the day that Mandy rushed in, rushed past me, and rushed straight into the bathroom. We all looked at each other as we listened to Mandy puking behind the closed door. When she walked out, we all looked at her in silence. Someone asked if she was okay. She said she was, and explained she'd just puked because of a dare.

Apparently Jill had dared her to smoke a cigarette. Mandy went on to explain that her father smoked, and she knew that smoking made her sick.

"Wait, then why'd you take the dare, knowing it would make you sick?"

Because it was a dare. (Stupid reason. But it was a logic I understood.)

"Well what'd you get for smoking?" Nothing.

"So you smoked, KNOWING it would make you sick, on a dare, despite not getting anything for it?"

Yes.

And that is the exact moment when any shred of respect I'd had for Mandy vanished into thin air (like a cloud of smoke except that would be too corny).

After graduating from high school I don't remember ever seeing Mandy ever again.