Turkey Had a Very Turkey Day Today

(Nothing to do with Thanksgiving, in case you're new. Sorry.)

At this firm, Turkey is forced to be better. Less crazy. More self-sufficient. I still do a lot of things for him most attorneys do for themselves. Like, I enter his time. He emails me documents to save on the system. I look up phone numbers for him within our directory. But overall, he loses fewer things. He throws people under the bus less often. He lies less often. Turkey just screws up less these days.

But today was a doozy. Let us count the ways ...

1. This morning I came in and found an email from a coworker/friend in our Risk Management department, forwarding an email Turkey sent last night to the entire Risk Management team, plus the CEO of the firm, plus the General Counsel, claiming I said something I didn't say at all. See, each time we're sending out an engagement letter it's supposed to be a form letter, but Turkey always changes it so much that he often leaves the firm open to risk. So they decided all his engagement letters have to be reviewed before being sent to a client. We also have disengagement letters, when a matter has ended. I spoke with the head of Risk Management about these and he told me the important language they need to have. As long as they say that, he doesn't really care what else they say. That's what I told Turkey yesterday. That disengagement letters don't need to be seen by Risk Management before going out. He emailed all these people though, claiming I said nobody has to review engagement letters, non-engagement letters (different from dis-engagement letters) anymore.  I was livid. I went straight up to the General Counsel to speak with him about this. He talked me off the ledge and five minutes later I was sure that the firm was not about to fire me. But holy shit, what a way to start your day. 
2. Ironically, while Turkey was worrying about what I am doing in relation to risk management, he sent an email to clients and accidentally cc'd the opposing counsel on the case.  Yeah. Worry more about yourself, Turkey. 
3. Turkey and I have this system wherein everything I need him to sign goes into a bright yellow folder, and we pass that back and forth to each other, multiple times a day. Often Turkey takes it home at the end of the day to review and sign letters I've prepared, and then hands it back in the morning. Yesterday I gave Turkey the folder with about half a dozen letters, one of which included a check that needed to go out. Today, Turkey told me he lost the folder and to re-create the letters. Just figuring out which letters needed to be re-created took me almost an hour alone! But I do it, put them all in a manilla folder and give him that.  I ask him to please look again for the yellow folder because we really need that check to go out to the client. He shrugs. I look a little harder at the mess that is the piles on his desk. I see a smidge of bright  yellow, and slowly pull out the folder.  "Oops," Turkey smiles at me. What does he care? He didn't just re-do work. 
4. We've been working on an agreement for months. There are many, many versions of this same document. Some redlined with tons of changes, some clean (changes accepted). Today, Turkey realized that he made a ton of redlined changes and never saved them. So I had to spend two hours retyping all these changes off a printed document, that had already been typed in.  Just such a huge waste of time. Turkey told me this needed to go to the client today. I asked him if there was any way he could get an extension from the client - that this was such a mess I didn't think we should rush through it, risking embarrassment by sending anything with mistakes. I should not rush the edits, and he should not rush the review. Luckily, I got Turkey to agree. Of course he agreed. He always tells me "The clients wants this before the end of the day" when really he just wants it done by then. I don't really care that Turkey lies about this. I'm just satisfied we're not going to send out a subpar product to a client. 

Hopefully on Monday Turkey will have pulled his shit together a bit more. That way I can move on to telling you all about my good news involving a baby lawyer.