Then He Cried

Office Manger worked for Turkey for ten very long years. She worked for him while she moved her parents into her home as they came to be unable to care for themselves and each other. She worked for him while her daughter and grandson moved in with her. At one point, four generations were living under her roof. She worked for him as, one by one, her parents died. She worked for him as she was diagnosed with, and then learned to manage, diabetes. Office Manager worked for Turkey while more than ten secretaries came in and out of the office.

Back when I temped for Turkey, Office Manager handled all human resource-type things. In April, as I was starting, Turkey closed his office door to tell me he was taking that over from Office Manager. So what exactly was Office Manager supposed to be doing with all her time? How much managing did our office really need? Office Manager had also been promised some number of paralegal (a.k.a. billable) hours each week, and it was in her contract that she'd get paid for them, whether or not Turkey was able to bill out for them. So if he didn't have the paralegal work to give her, he still had to pay her anyway. He almost never had the paralegal work to give her. Why? Because he has a crush on the (straight, and married) architect, so he gave him almost all the paralegal work.

So back in the fall, Office Manager gave five weeks of notice, per her contract. Then, in the first week of December, her last day came, and sadly Office Manager was gone. A few weeks ago, since I open all the mall, I became aware of the fact that Office Manager filed for unemployment, claiming constructive termination. I had to look it up.

When I thought about what it means, how it can be applied, and the truth of things that happened with Turkey and Office Manager, I smiled. She had a shot. When Turkey saw the mail he asked if I'd read it. I told him I never read the mail, just look at it enough to see who it goes to, with the only exception being when Turkey is out of town.

Turkey is a guy who overshares. He tells me every time he's going to the bathroom. He slams family members and co-workers to me (and other co-workers). Turkey also lets me (and others) see what would seem like incredibly personal documents regarding his life. It's almost like passive-aggressively showing off, to let everyone in the office know how much you paid for your second home.

Today something came in the mail basically saying that Office Manager submitted paperwork proving her claim of constructive termination and while Turkey can appeal, they will begin paying her. Turkey asked if I'd read the documents, and I told him no, that I just open and date-stamp everything before distribution. He folded the pages back up and tucked them under his arm. His cheek twitched, and Turkey told me he needed to take a few deep breathes. I asked if he wanted me to come back, but he said no, so I sat and waited.

It was awkward. Turkey sat, looking down, breathing, while I sat in silence. In my head I'm quite fidgety, but lawyers don't want someone fidgeting on the other side of their desk, so I force myself to sit still. We probably sat, breathing, for about 45 seconds before Turkey resumed opening his mail. What? Don't you sit with your boss providing moral support while he goes through his mail each day? What do you mean that's a waste of time?

Turkey asked once more if I'd looked at the mail. Once more, I gave him my standard reply. We continued on with the mail. It was clear Turkey wanted to be finished quickly, and when we were, he told me to close his office door on the way out. I reminded him that he had to leave in 45 minutes for a meeting. Turkey immediately got on his cell phone, and the WASP and I could hear his tone of voice through the wall. It wasn't pretty. The two of each other looked at each other in shock as we heard the noises he was making. I've been a legal secretary for 15 years, and this was a first.

Open the Windows!

My slumlord is cheap and doesn't pay for garbage pickup on the weekends. He also didn't want to pay for garbage pickup at two ends of the building, so it only goes into one place. That place sadly, is right below my apartment. This means unfortunately, that by Sundays my apartment smells pretty gross and by Monday mornings, the smell is so bad that I worry I smell badly. On Monday mornings after the trash goes out for pickup, the maintenance guys mop the hallway floors. I'm not sure what chemical it is they use on the floors, but it reeks horridly, and the smell of course spreads to the apartments.

There are windows in the hallways, but there have been signs up next to them from the landlord saying they are not the tenant's windows and as such we do not have the right to open them. Furthermore, we will be fined if he catches us (there are cameras all over the building). Recently a notice by the City was posted right outside the front door to the building, telling the landlord he was in violation of a bunch of laws.

One had to do with not allowing us to open windows. Today, as I was walking back to my apartment after dropping off rent and requesting my landlord fix my kitchen light fixture, a guy was frantically opening all the hallway windows while yelling "Open the windows! Open the windows!" He was trying to get me to agree that it's not healthy for us to have no outlet for the chemicals used to clean the floors. Telling me the landlord isn't allowed to refuse to allow us to open the hallway windows.

I was wearing a hoodie, jeans and flipflops. In no way did I look at all official. Although it turns out my landlord has hired attorneys who happen to be sub-tenants at my office, I do not work for them. I don't work for my landlord. There was no reason for this guy to get me on his side. I hold no power.

When the maintenance guy came to fix my kitchen light he asked if I'd heard all the yelling. I nodded and told him it was about the windows. Hector then spilled the gossip about the Yeller. Apparently he had a back injury and got hooked on painkillers. Hector went on to further explain that the guy is also an alcoholic, and the combination of the two is not good. Well! Thanks for all the gossip on the guy who I formerly only knew of as the guy who had a bike and always holds the door for me.

Are we now free to open the hallway windows without fear of getting in trouble? I don't know. The important thing is though, now I know who to go to when building gossip is needed. Hector!

The Repeating of History

So that Indian single mother lawyer got fired. I knew it was coming, because first Turkey wasn't giving her any work to do. This by the way, is a sign you're about to get fired. Then he handed her a binder full of articles he's written, and told her to memorize them and he'd quiz her on them the next day. Now, if someone did that to me, I'd cry. She did not. Apparently she went to law school and was familiar with memorizing large amounts of ridiculous information and was actually preparing to take the binder home and cram all through the night. But she got fired and it was the day after she signed a lease that locked her into paying rent for a year.

So now Turkey has a new baby lawyer starting Tuesday. She's like a preemie baby, because she hasn't even taken the bar yet. So she'll work for a month or two, then take a month or two off to study for and take the bar, and then come back. My prediction? Based on the fact that we don't even have enough work right now for the employees currently working, once she's left to study, she will get a call telling her not to bother coming back.

This poor girl is going to show up on Tuesday all bright and shiny in a new suit, with her hair blown out and shoes polished, ready to smile big and make a great impression on everyone. Meanwhile she has no idea she's about to begin working for a pathological liar who takes great pleasure in playing psychological warfare and driving people crazy.

It's not my place to say anything to this new girl. There's nothing to say, really. I mean the WASP has been there for over five years. I didn't get fired after two months - I've been there since April. The billing guy just got a huge promotion - he took over 75% of what Office Manager used to do. So some people do succeed at this firm.

The first person to arrive in the mornings is always me. Except for when there's a new eager beaver baby lawyer around - then they like to show up before me to appear enthusiastic, ready to work both early and late at the drop of a hat. I must make sure to not make any negative comments to her about working here. If it goes anything like it did with the single mom lawyer though, at some point she'll come to me with the comments. Not necessarily negative, but more confused. Turkey loves nothing more than having meetings with people, saying he'll discuss things with you during said meetings, acting stressed about all the meetings he has, and then giving conflicting and incomplete instructions during said meetings. One day last week he had three meetings with Billing Guy. In ONE DAY. This'll be interesting.