Dancing With the Stars Falls Down and Goes Boom

The thing is, my dad called and we were on the phone past when the show started, so I missed the first guy. But if you're interested in finding out how to smooth out a popcorn ceiling or wall, e-mail me because I now know.

- Mark - he was very stiff. When I was a little girl I took dance classes at the local Y with a woman named Shelley. At the start of each class, we'd spend time working on isolations - learning to move different parts of our bodies while keeping the rest still. Mark needs Shelley.

- Wayne - he moved like he was scared he'd either fall or trip Cheryl. Whatever he was trying to do with that turn at the end? Not good. I wouldn't be surprised if he gets voted off.

- Marie - pretty risque for a Mormon broad! Her hair looked retarded, but she really worked her costume. Marie said in the "package" that she needed to step it up, and she really did! Tonight's performance made me like Marie a little more than last week.

- Albert - who the fuck is this Albert kid? And why was he wearing capri pants in rehearsal?

And now we interrupt this very special blog post for a story. When I was a
little girl and thought nobody was watching, I used to slide down the bannister
in our house in Long Island. One day when I thought it was safe, I swung
my leg over and slid to the bottom, only to be busted by my dad, who was
watching tv in the den. He yelled at me, and I ran upstairs crying to my
mom. She smiled, and led me back downstairs to the study where the photo
albums were kept. My mother showed me a picture of her mother - who I
never met - sliding down a bannister in the 50's.

So, back to Albert. Whoever he might be. I loved his slide down the bannister, for reasons now obvious to you. Unfortunately, there was a distinct lack of connection with his partner that made me wonder if he was counting in his head.

- Helio - I really liked this guy a LOT! He and his dance partner had a great connection, and their performance felt very "Miami" to me.

- Jennie - a FALL! If anyone can find a video link to the fall, please send it to me - I need to re-watch this. (I know, I'm terrible. Recently I talked a four-year-old into watching the episode of the Hills last season when Whitney fell. Not only did the kid keep calling Whitney Sidney, she didn't see the humor in it at ALL!) Seriously though, I thought she was going to pass out after her dance was over - she looked AWFUL! Poor Kelly!

- Cameron - I could not have hated his partner's outfit more if it had tunafish hanging from it! That terrible contraption distracted me from their dance - how was it? Anyone? Is it just me, or does Cameron remind anyone else of John Norris?

- Floyd - dude was good! Great footwork, but his posture was a bit sloppy. He has potential.

- Jane - oh, the awkwardness! You could tell each time Jane was losing her place, because she'd slow down a smidge. Disappointing.

- Sabrina - fabulous! Had I been her, I'd have worried about catching my heel in the bottom of that dress. I was impressed she didn't let that happen.

Okay, I know he's not a contender, but can we just talk about Drew? He's MUCH more entertaining than that Samantha chick ever was! I think he is absolutely contributing to the show's ratings, whereas Samantha was doing nothing for them in either direction. However, I must say I'm impressed with whoever her attorneys are - it seems they negotiated that her name would be mentioned a minimum of four times each show. Slick move.