Crying ... Somewhere

In high school I was friends with a girl who said crying was a sign of weakness. I'm one of those people who will consider every view, and after considering hers, I dismissed it as being wrong. Sometimes you need to immerse yourself in the sadness in order to move through it. There are studies that have concluded that crying is cathartic.

I'm a big fan of visualization. Like yoga, it sounds corny, but I can't argue with the results, so I'm forced to believe in it. I can move pain from one part of my body to another. When I was a little girl, sitting on the living room steps, my mom told me about a psychology class she took in college, where a professor told the class about moving headaches from one part of the head to another. And if you can move the headache within your head, why not move it OUT of your head? That's stuck with me. I love psychology. And when I have a headache so bad that it sends me to bed, I lay there and try to smooth out the pain, the same way you'd try to smooth out a sharp nail using a nail file.

There's a lot of construction going on near my house lately, and having walked past it four times my eyes are very dry and itchy this afternoon. I lent my eyedrops to a friend the other day, and have been visualizing hydrated eyes today. Water hasn't really helped, and saline only helped a little bit. Crying would probably help, but I don't need to cry today.

When I lived in Florida there were a lot of sunshowers. After the rain, there'd sometimes be a rainbow, and Florida is where I was when first seeing one in person. If you've never seen one, it's much more awesome in person than when looking at a postcard. One day I was walking to the leasing office, and a guy was walking towards me. He pointed up and in an excited tone said, "Look, a rainbow!" and I looked up. It was beautiful, and we both paused in the parking lot to gaze at the rainbow for a few seconds. Then I thanked him and we both walked on.

That happened four or five years ago, but every time I think of that, I'm touched by his sharing it with me. I'm sure he promptly forgot about me before reaching his apartment, but he made my day. It kind of makes my day all over again any time I remember it.

All afternoon I've been pouring saline in my eyes the way junkies use Visine trying to hide their drug habits, and my eyes are hurting less now. But if I were going to make myself cry, I'd do it by listening to this song. And just like I can make the pain move, this song can make the tears come.