All Over the Board

1. About half a year ago, I noticed the beautiful salads the San Francisco Soup Company sells. So many people were happily eating them. They looked so pretty. So I got one. Then you know what else I got? Violently ill. That's right, the beautiful salad tried to kill me. I was so sad. For months I watched the happy people munching their pretty salads, wishing I could be one of them, knowing I wouldn't survive an attempted murder twice.
   
   This week I've been a little crazy, and today I decided to try the salad again. Let me tell you, they were just as beautiful today as they've been when the salads are in front of other people. The grass was just as green for me! It's now seven hours later, and I feel fine, so it seems like the first time was just an unfortunate fluke.
   
2. This may come as a shock to some of you, but GQ, my gay boss, is gay. I know! Anyway, one of our sub-tenant people was back in the office today after having gone camping for a long weekend. He and GQ were talking, and GQ asked where the guy went camping. They talked about location, and then I heard the sub-tenant say something about not being "too close to the homos or the meth-heads." Ever see those movies where someone's head dramatically jerks up and their eyes get wide? That was me.
   
   GQ didn't react at all to it, so I kept my mouth shut. Is it possible he missed it? GQ's been gay for like, his whole life, so maybe he worked out decades ago how to deal with comments like that?
   
3. Speaking of GQ! Recently, he and the other attorneys in our suite got their photos professionally done, for their respective websites. The photographer came to our office twice, and had zero sense of humor. One of the attorneys said, "One or two shots should be enough to capture my beauty," and the photographer was all, "What?!?! But how will I ... only two shots?!?! Blarphen?!?@?!" and we had to tell her she was joking. The photographer promptly developed a huge crush on GQ. To say she was disappointed would be a huge understatement. Her whole face fell, and she asked me a thousand questions about where he was.
   
4. The new season of Dancing With the Stars has begun this week, and the two people I was interested in seeing were Leah Remini and Snookie. I don't think Leah Remini is particularly smart, but she's funny. Sadly, it doesn't seem like she'll go far on this season. Girl can't dance. Plus she's very uncomfortable with her body (see: Amber Riley). Snookie however, can apparently dance. Shocker!