Behind Turkey's Back

Several months ago, when Turkey realized I had been working for him for over a year, he gave me an "anniversary" gift from the store where his partner works. It was a very nice gift, but completely impractical for me, my home, and my lifestyle. For example, it was over 20 cumbersome lbs of dead weight, and I walk about a mile to get home. The office manager was kind enough to hide it among other boxes in his office for me, while I figured out what to do.

Immediately upon receiving it I (thanked Turkey) knew I wanted to return/exchange it, but had to sort out how to go about that. Didn't want to show up with it at the store and have the partner find out. Because Turkey is not the type to just want me to be happy - he's the type to want me to be happy because of something he did. He would not take it well to find out I went to the store.

At first I kept calling the store, asking for the partner, and then hanging up when an employee would say, "Sure, please hold a moment." Because that meant I couldn't take a taxi and take the thing there to exchange. After about a week of this I was fed up, and tired of prank-calling the store. Next I thought about putting an ad on Craigslist to hire someone to do this for me. When I talked about it with a friend, she said she'd go.

Last week we finally made it happen. I gave her $20 for a cab and directions on how to get there and how to get back home, and called for the freight elevator. Oh, before getting the freight elevator I brought her into Turkey's office to show her a picture of his partner. "Avoid this guy. We don't want him finding out and telling Turkey." An hour later I got a text. "He was the only one there, but didn't bat an eye. Smelled like cat piss though." Well alrighty. I wrote back thanking her, and added that they don't have a cat.

Today was our holiday lunch. Turkey handed out gifts to the four of us. We were given more stuff from his Partner's store. I genuinely liked the cashmere infinity scarf, but not the color. WASP didn't want to trade with me, but that was okay. I saw in Turkey's calendar that he was picking his partner up at 5 pm and decided today would be my adventure to his store.

They closed at 6 pm. I get out of work at 5:30, but left about 15 minutes early. The bus was 18 minutes late. I arrived at the store seven minutes before they closed, with the scarf and the store credit my friend gave me.

You know how in movies, sometimes a character will dramatically peak around a corner to see what's beyond the wall? That was totally me. Even though I had visualized this going smoothly (what? it works for Olympic athletes!), you just never know - maybe Turkey would be meeting his partner at the store for some reason.

But no - that did not happen. I found a nice lady and told her, "I want to exchange one thing for a different color, and have a store credit that I'd like to use to buy something for that exact price." I was totally prepared. This is a high-end store. They are used to people spending four hours there trying to decide what to buy. Not me. It turned out both items were even on the same table.

Start to finish, it was 13 minutes. Two of them were wasted finding someone to help me, and six were wasted trying to make the scanner/computer work. I spent more time waiting for the bus! It's a really lovely store, and I'd love to take my time wandering around touching everything (some time when they're not about to close), but the fact that my boss's partner works there kind of ruins it for me. I have such a difficult relationship with Turkey that I don't want to worry about having to deal with his partner. So handling everything at once and getting out of there quickly makes me very happy.

So! Much! Niceness!

Yesterday on the train during rush hour: I get on a packed train and find myself standing in front of an Asian woman who is sitting. A couple of seconds later the train jerks forward, and I feel a tap, tap, tap on my arm. The woman holds her hands out, and offers to hold my bags for me. Oh. My. Word. How sweet is that?!

Today on the bus during rush hour: I am sitting, and watch two girls who don't know each other. There is one seat across from me on the packed bus. Each girl offers the seat to the other. One girl says, "Oh you go ahead - you have the bigger bag." The other girl says, "No, you take it - I've been sitting all day." I just wanted to hug them both and give up my seat so they could both sit down!

It's Not a Freaking Hurricane

It's kind of moving to see your President wiping away tears. But I've gotta be honest - I was a little disappointed in his initial speech about what happened in Connecticut on Friday. It felt to me like he was talking about the shooting as if it was some sort of natural disaster, that we have zero hope of gaining any control over.

I read a good article in the NY Times that included examples of things that could be done to provide tighter gun control. These things should have been done decades ago. People claim they need to be able to have a gun in case somebody breaks into their home. I'm pretty sure the majority of people breaking into homes are doing so to steal, not to kill.

I don't know about you, but I am not prepared to kill another human being. I have done a lot of really horrible things to people, but that is a line I just don't see crossing. If someone broke into my shitty apartment to steal stuff, well, I can get more stuff. So can you. That's what renter's insurance is for. (Fun fact: I don't have any!) You know how sometimes you get new furniture and invite me over to show it off? Well two seconds after I've done the polite thing of oohing and aahing I've completely forgotten whatever you just told me about your perfectly ordinary-looking beige couch.

What's that? It's your heirloom couch that used to belong to your great Aunt Vernice who's now dead? Well guess what: she'd tell you she never much liked it. She only had it because somebody gave it to her and she was poor. Or whatever. It's just stuff. You don't need a gun to protect yourself from somebody who might break in because you're not prepared to kill a human being over your laptop. If you're smarter than I am you have home owner's or renter's insurance. Consider the fact that police officers are prepared to kill somebody every single day that they go to work, and if they do so in the line of duty, they have to go to mandatory counseling.

It all ties together, when you think about it. Of course this Adam Lanza kid was mentally ill. Of course the only person who would give a mentally ill person access to guns is someone who is mentally ill themselves. Yes that's right - I'm saying his mother was not well in the head. I don't care whether or not she was diagnosed with something - a healthy person does not look at an unhealthy one and give them access to guns. We don't have enough support for the mentally ill, nor do we have enough restrictions on guns. I have ideas on how these two connect, but need to work out some right to privacy issues first.

But tomorrow I am going to my job. It has nothing to do with guns or mentally ill people. It will make people hate him, but it's not like Obama has to worry about re-election anyway, so he may as well piss off tons of gun-toting people by laying down a ton of gun control laws. Including one that says people with a history of mental illness may not purchase guns or have access to them through their job, or through anyone else living in their home. There are all these quotes from people who knew the mother, saying how much she loved her son and would do anything for him. Sure. Anything but get rid of her guns.