From Scratch

So that guy who was brought in as the substitute for Nicki, Turkey's personal assistant? (Oh my god, the stairs are right outside my apartment door and while I was typing the previous sentence I heard someone clomping up them and then, they tripped! Tripped!)

Oh wait. Remember how I told you that the PA was being fired? Like, at least a month ago? Well, she's still here. As of right now, she's been demoted. Her hours have been slashed in half. Office Manager is not normally the type, but on Tuesday he totally told Turkey a true tale about how the PA does lots of personal work while she's on the clock and it offends him.

Now you may think that's lame, but the thing is, everyone surfs the web while at work. Everyone makes a personal call every so often. The key is that you are quiet about it. You close the screen when somebody walks over. You only make personal calls when the office is quiet and nobody will need you. Anyway. So the PA has been demoted, and meanwhile, that substitute guy is still here.

Turkey likes him. Swear to god, Turkey commented on his body to his face just this past week. We don't really need the Sub, but Turkey thinks he could prove useful eventually, so he's keeping him around, and calling him the firm's Client Development Manager. Sub's  real job is being a professional fundraiser for a specific type of company. I didn't even know that was a thing, did you? Sub skipped his high school graduation to leave for Europe, and didn't come back for about 13 years. So it's great that he's tri-lingual, but bad that he's got no American office experience.

This is the guy who thought it was okay to send out a letter to a client folded in quarters. It's not. This is the guy who took a phone message but didn't include the date or time. This is the guy who is expected at work at 9am and has never once shown up before 9:10am. Also the guy who thought it was okay to send out solicitation letters to potential clients from Turkey, without having Turkey actually sign them.

To be fair, Turkey wants everyone to take initiative. Sub understood that to mean he didn't need to show Turkey the letters before they went out. He was wrong. Turkey wants people to take initiative by like, seeing that something needs to be done, and getting it done perfectly. Office Manager, Turkey and I all had a big meeting about Sub, and it has been determined that he is not stupid, he just has little office experience, no law firm experience, and no American office experience.

So while he knows how to say, re-fill a stapler, he doesn't know if a multi-page letter being given to Turkey for editing should be stapled or paper-clipped. (The answer is paper-clipped - Turkey hands back each page as he's edited it.) All this to say that come Monday, I will be trying to break down how one works in an office to the Sub.

I love training people. Not saying this to brag, but I'm excellent at it. I can turn anyone with a bit of intelligence into at least as a good a legal secretary as I am. This training will be a bit different though. I've never trained someone who's starting from zero. And I've got to find a way to do it without offending him. Monday is going to be interesting! (And, based on past experience, it'll also make my throat hurt from talking so much.)