Because I'm In Charge, That's Why!
Nobody showed up to work today except me. The WASP works part-time, and today was one of her off-days. The office manager was going to come in late, but between BART protests and her errands running long, she called to say she wasn't coming. The billing guy just shows up when he shows up - he has no schedule. Turkey is out of town. So it was just me, and the sub-tenants floating in and out.
At one point, one of the sub-tenants had shown up to meet with clients, and a random guy just showed up in our office. It is my job to greet all who enter the sunken living room, so I asked if I could help him. The guy said he was there to see Sub-Tenant, regarding a legal problem. I ascertained that the legal problem definitely required Sub-Tenant, and told him Sub-Tenant was with clients. I waived my hand towards the sliding glass doors where they were all sitting and talking. He asked if there was someone else. I explained there wasn't - that their main office is across the bridge, and they just rent space and come over only when they're meeting a client. He asked if I could interrupt.
Interrupt? Was this guy fucking kidding? No. No, we do not interrupt. You interrupt when a judge is calling, or when an attorney's pregnant wife calls because her water broke. You do not interrupt for a schlub off the street.
I explained to him at each question, that what he needed to do was call their main office and make an appointment. Or he could leave his name and number with me to pass on to the Sub-Tenant when he finished the meeting. He could wait, but I had no way of knowing if it would be 20 minutes or four hours.
Since everyone was gone today, I really wanted to take advantage of the day by catching up on tons of work, and this guy was really taking up way too much of my time. He kept asking me to make it happen, and I kept telling him the only way it would happen is if he made an appointment. Attorneys are not drive-through restaurants - you do not just show up. (Unless you are paying a bill. You are always welcome to drop off a check.)
In the afternoon, a guy called, telling me he'd just talked to Turkey and wanted to make an appointment. Sure, we can do that. Then he asks me to just send over an engagement letter. Um, no. I tell him I can't do that without an attorney reviewing and signing it. He asks why not? Well, it's a letter, and we don't send out un-signed letters, and I can not sign on behalf of an attorney without said attorney's permission. But can't you just send it to me anyway? No you fucktard, I just told you I can't.
We finally agreed that he'll come in next week, and I'll send him the engagement letter by Wednesday. After we hung up, I called the WASP to confirm with her that I was doing all I could. She said yes, I absolutely made the right call - even she wouldn't send out an engagement letter without Turkey's blessing. Plus, while an engagement letter is a form letter, there are variables. You might be shocked to know that some lawyers change their hourly rate depending on how deep the client's pockets are. The retainer amount changes with each client.
I was exhausted just from arguing all day. Why couldn't these people just listen to me? I know my shit - it's not like I was making it up as I went along here!
So what have we learned today? Call ahead to make appointments when you want to meet with professionals. If someone at the office tells you a professional needs to review a document before sending it to you, take their word for it.
At one point, one of the sub-tenants had shown up to meet with clients, and a random guy just showed up in our office. It is my job to greet all who enter the sunken living room, so I asked if I could help him. The guy said he was there to see Sub-Tenant, regarding a legal problem. I ascertained that the legal problem definitely required Sub-Tenant, and told him Sub-Tenant was with clients. I waived my hand towards the sliding glass doors where they were all sitting and talking. He asked if there was someone else. I explained there wasn't - that their main office is across the bridge, and they just rent space and come over only when they're meeting a client. He asked if I could interrupt.
Interrupt? Was this guy fucking kidding? No. No, we do not interrupt. You interrupt when a judge is calling, or when an attorney's pregnant wife calls because her water broke. You do not interrupt for a schlub off the street.
I explained to him at each question, that what he needed to do was call their main office and make an appointment. Or he could leave his name and number with me to pass on to the Sub-Tenant when he finished the meeting. He could wait, but I had no way of knowing if it would be 20 minutes or four hours.
Since everyone was gone today, I really wanted to take advantage of the day by catching up on tons of work, and this guy was really taking up way too much of my time. He kept asking me to make it happen, and I kept telling him the only way it would happen is if he made an appointment. Attorneys are not drive-through restaurants - you do not just show up. (Unless you are paying a bill. You are always welcome to drop off a check.)
In the afternoon, a guy called, telling me he'd just talked to Turkey and wanted to make an appointment. Sure, we can do that. Then he asks me to just send over an engagement letter. Um, no. I tell him I can't do that without an attorney reviewing and signing it. He asks why not? Well, it's a letter, and we don't send out un-signed letters, and I can not sign on behalf of an attorney without said attorney's permission. But can't you just send it to me anyway? No you fucktard, I just told you I can't.
We finally agreed that he'll come in next week, and I'll send him the engagement letter by Wednesday. After we hung up, I called the WASP to confirm with her that I was doing all I could. She said yes, I absolutely made the right call - even she wouldn't send out an engagement letter without Turkey's blessing. Plus, while an engagement letter is a form letter, there are variables. You might be shocked to know that some lawyers change their hourly rate depending on how deep the client's pockets are. The retainer amount changes with each client.
I was exhausted just from arguing all day. Why couldn't these people just listen to me? I know my shit - it's not like I was making it up as I went along here!
So what have we learned today? Call ahead to make appointments when you want to meet with professionals. If someone at the office tells you a professional needs to review a document before sending it to you, take their word for it.
posted by Green at 9/12/2011 08:56:00 PM
1 Comments:
Thank you, on behalf of attorneys everywhere, for this public service announcement.
And while many of us do change our rates depending on how much the client can afford, we prefer to think of it as "offering much-needed discounts to those who cannot afford to pay the regular rates" -- rather than "grabbing all we can from the deep pockets." In other words (at least for me) there is an upper limit, which is my "regular rate," and then there are numerous forms of discounts for those who truly cannot afford to pay more.
And I've learned my lesson with advance fees, too. I used to base the initial required advance fee (sometimes called a "retainer" but not in Arizona) on how much the client could afford, but I got screwed too many times by clients who paid that amount and never paid another dime, despite the many hours of work I did.
I got tired of working for free, so now I base the initial advance fee amount on my best-guess estimate of how much the case will cost to complete, plus a couple thousand for costs and/or unanticipated contingencies, with refunds to be given if the advance fee isn't fully used. If the would-be client can't come up with the funds, then they can't hire me.
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