Summer 2011: Airing of the Grievances
- Not identifying yourself when calling someone. It's one thing when you're calling your friend that you've known for seven years, someone you're so close with that you know her husband only has one ball from that time he fell funny on the monkey bars. But when you're calling your lawyer's office? You need to realize that I *will* lie to you, with zero hesitation about whether or not Turkey is in the office, depending on who you are. You can't possibly know all the criteria, so you've got to just hope for the best, hope you're at the top of Turkey's priority list and announce yourself. Every single time I call anyone Turkey works with, I say, "Hi! This is Green, from Turkey Burnstein's office. How are you?" I ask how they are not because I care, but to give them time to process what I said and figure out who I am. When I answer the phone and a voice just starts talking at me (and no, my law firm does not have caller ID), I am not going to give out any information about whether Turkey is available to talk, or to meet with their expert, until I know who they are. Please, I beg of you. Practice saying your name, and when you call someone, announce it.
- Shit, I forgot.
- Oh yeah. In New York, when you are buying something in a store, the cashier tells you, "That'll be $1.82." In response, you say, "Out of $2," while digging out two singles. As soon as you tell the cashier how much you'll be providing, they start pulling together your change, based on that. Thus, you hand over the bills in one hand and the cashier puts your change in the other hand. This doesn't work in San Francisco, and it drives me nuts. If I say, "Out of $2," nothing happens. The cashier just stands there looking at me. This is supposed to be such a trusting place. People hitchhike here! Why don't they believe the money's coming? It could save so much* time!
- Being habitually late. It's one thing if Something's Happened and you're late. Especially if you call the person to say you're running late. But to be late for everything, every single time? Completely unacceptable. It says you have zero respect for the other person. For the time they took out of their day to make time for you. Turkey is late for everything. For everyone. He will schedule a meeting for 10am, show up at 10:14 (or 10:44, whatever), and say to the person, "Oh, you're early!" I started noticing lately that I disregard every deadline Turkey gives me. Because he doesn't stick to his own schedules and deadlines, what's the purpose of stressing myself out to stick to them? He's constantly telling me something "must!" go out today, and three weeks later it will still be waiting for his final approval. If someone has a kid, I give them a pass. Maybe their kid saw a rock on the ground and were fascinated and needed to talk about it Right Then while staring at it. Or maybe your dog slipped past your legs when you opened the door to leave and you're late because you had to run after it. Or maybe you're in trial. Things happen. But when you're late for everything? All the time? Unacceptable.