Fucking Yoga: When Fatties Collide
*Even if you're not into yoga, read through to the bottom to see what happened to me on the way home.
Last night I was *not* the only fat person at yoga. I'd meant to go on Tuesday but there was a technical problem and I couldn't make it, so I went yesterday instead. There were two huge dogs in the lobby and I was tempted to just hang out there and play with the dogs instead of yogging, but that would leave me with little to blog about, so yes, I yogged for you!
By the way, at my yoga place, there is a tiny little room where they store mats for the people (who are too cheap to buy their own) like me who need to borrow one for class. When I started to go into that room, which does not have a door by the way, there was a very old man with very saggy skin standing there naked, changing his clothes. I promptly turned and walked out. Why he couldn't just wait for one of the three bathrooms where everyone else changes I don't know. People have bathroom emergencies, not clothing-changing emergencies (unless they're also having a bathroom emergency in which case he'd need a bathroom).
Right across from me was another fat girl, and she had her shirt tucked into her pants. I kept having visions of the two of us falling off balance, colliding into each other, and banging into other people, creating a domino effect. I'm so silly - we weren't even close enough for that to happen. I love how the yogis always make a big point of asking if anyone is new to yoga when there's more than one fat person in the class (rare, usually I'm the lone representative). Why do they not realize that not everyone who does yoga is skinny? I bet there are a lot of fatties yogging in the privacy of their own home because it's too intimidating to go to a class full of skinny girls. I bet if they ran a Yoga For Fatties class it would fill up. Wonder how they'd advertise that in a politically correct way....
I did not recognize the yogi teaching last night but he had a middle eastern accent that was pleasant to listen to, and he was hot, which always helps things along. Well, I guess it does nothing for the straight guys, but whatever. I wound up next to a yoginator; he had tattoos on his stomach, arm and leg, and did deep breathing like it was a contest. He also had this weird jazz hands thing going on and although he struck me as straight, got way into flaboyantly flinging his fingers all around.
Ever notice how when someone is not that good looking, but they're really nice, it makes them look better? And conversely, when someone is hot but then they act like an idiot, they stop seeming so hot? Yeah, this yogi SUCKED. The class I go to actually has the word "beginner" in it. Yoga is one of those "everybody is always welcome" things - kind of like a temple, I guess - so there's normally a wide range of abilities in my class. There are people who can balance on one hand upside down, and other people who can't do vinyasa.
The yogi TOTALLY catered to the one-handed upside downers like the yoginator next to me, completely ignoring those of us who sat there unable to even figure out what a modified version would be. The dogs stayed in the lobby through the class, sometimes playing with each other, sometimes barking, and I had to restrain myself from going out to them, especially since I spent so much class time waiting for a pose I could do.
Also, what's up with nap time? I am wondering if the yogi house got slapped with a sexual harrassment suit. Normally during nap time the yogis come around and adjust your body (for maximum napping?), but last night that wasn't done. Actually now that I think of it, they normally adjust people during the class too, as everyone goes through the poses, and the yogi did not do that.
*In New York, on Z100, when you see or interact with someone famous, it's referred to as "a brush with greatness." On my walk home from yoga, one of the streets I cross was closed down, from the Embarcadero up to Market Street. There were cops at each intersection. I was standing on the corner with an Asian guy in a suit. After several minutes, he yelled to the cop, "Who's coming through, Sir?" The response was immediate. "HILLARY!" Yep, I saw Hillary drive by - guess she's in town today. While you might think she'd be in a black SUV, she wasn't. It was a white mom-style minivan. Whudda thunk it?
Last night I was *not* the only fat person at yoga. I'd meant to go on Tuesday but there was a technical problem and I couldn't make it, so I went yesterday instead. There were two huge dogs in the lobby and I was tempted to just hang out there and play with the dogs instead of yogging, but that would leave me with little to blog about, so yes, I yogged for you!
By the way, at my yoga place, there is a tiny little room where they store mats for the people (who are too cheap to buy their own) like me who need to borrow one for class. When I started to go into that room, which does not have a door by the way, there was a very old man with very saggy skin standing there naked, changing his clothes. I promptly turned and walked out. Why he couldn't just wait for one of the three bathrooms where everyone else changes I don't know. People have bathroom emergencies, not clothing-changing emergencies (unless they're also having a bathroom emergency in which case he'd need a bathroom).
Right across from me was another fat girl, and she had her shirt tucked into her pants. I kept having visions of the two of us falling off balance, colliding into each other, and banging into other people, creating a domino effect. I'm so silly - we weren't even close enough for that to happen. I love how the yogis always make a big point of asking if anyone is new to yoga when there's more than one fat person in the class (rare, usually I'm the lone representative). Why do they not realize that not everyone who does yoga is skinny? I bet there are a lot of fatties yogging in the privacy of their own home because it's too intimidating to go to a class full of skinny girls. I bet if they ran a Yoga For Fatties class it would fill up. Wonder how they'd advertise that in a politically correct way....
I did not recognize the yogi teaching last night but he had a middle eastern accent that was pleasant to listen to, and he was hot, which always helps things along. Well, I guess it does nothing for the straight guys, but whatever. I wound up next to a yoginator; he had tattoos on his stomach, arm and leg, and did deep breathing like it was a contest. He also had this weird jazz hands thing going on and although he struck me as straight, got way into flaboyantly flinging his fingers all around.
Ever notice how when someone is not that good looking, but they're really nice, it makes them look better? And conversely, when someone is hot but then they act like an idiot, they stop seeming so hot? Yeah, this yogi SUCKED. The class I go to actually has the word "beginner" in it. Yoga is one of those "everybody is always welcome" things - kind of like a temple, I guess - so there's normally a wide range of abilities in my class. There are people who can balance on one hand upside down, and other people who can't do vinyasa.
The yogi TOTALLY catered to the one-handed upside downers like the yoginator next to me, completely ignoring those of us who sat there unable to even figure out what a modified version would be. The dogs stayed in the lobby through the class, sometimes playing with each other, sometimes barking, and I had to restrain myself from going out to them, especially since I spent so much class time waiting for a pose I could do.
Also, what's up with nap time? I am wondering if the yogi house got slapped with a sexual harrassment suit. Normally during nap time the yogis come around and adjust your body (for maximum napping?), but last night that wasn't done. Actually now that I think of it, they normally adjust people during the class too, as everyone goes through the poses, and the yogi did not do that.
*In New York, on Z100, when you see or interact with someone famous, it's referred to as "a brush with greatness." On my walk home from yoga, one of the streets I cross was closed down, from the Embarcadero up to Market Street. There were cops at each intersection. I was standing on the corner with an Asian guy in a suit. After several minutes, he yelled to the cop, "Who's coming through, Sir?" The response was immediate. "HILLARY!" Yep, I saw Hillary drive by - guess she's in town today. While you might think she'd be in a black SUV, she wasn't. It was a white mom-style minivan. Whudda thunk it?
Labels: City Livin, Music, New York State of Mind, People watching, Playing in SF, Yoga
posted by Green at 4/03/2008 10:12:00 AM
3 Comments:
When the class goes into Eagle ,I do Pigeon, even though it makes me feel like prey. When they do Boat (Yeh I know you do it well), I just do SOMETHING else 'cause there's nothing close that I can do.
Were there snipers in the area when you saw Hillary? (You may not have seen them, but they were THERE!)
You get to nap in yoga? Ew... I am not big on random male nakedness. (call me a sexist but I don't mind random female nakedness as much)
I once had a brush with irritating non-celeb (i.e. famous for absolutely no reason)- Andrew Firestone who was on Bachelor reality show was in town promoting a new wine for his vineyard... and I was playing hostess at the restaurant that booked him. Ick. He's an annoying child. I didn't even know who the hell he was and he was ducking, waiting for my reaction. Yeah, dude... I don't even use your tires. Anyway, the sea of women who came to see him weren't too pleasant either. Ugh.
Huh... Hillary is in a mommy minivan? Even I'm not in a mommy-van.
I always feel silly in yoga. I am usually the biggest girl there. A close friend of mine has shrunk though from it so I have hope. All of the years of running and neither she nor I lose any weight, then she starts going to yoga every day and doing it at home and she tiny now.
Thanks for your comment on my blog! My first comment! Sorry about all the negative stuff about working in a law firm and the people I work with. The old firm I was with had way too many grandma secretaries who drove me insane. They treated me like I was a child and talked down to me ordering me to do things they should have been doing and I had no boss to stick up for me nor was I allowed to stick up for myself. Anyway, it's much better now. Just lots of crazy baby attorneys here.
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