Fucking Yoga: It's Like Buttah
You knew this day would come. Tonight was my first time in (over six months I think) ages back at yoga. I've been psyching myself up for it all month. Two weeks ago when I realized I could finally blow out a candle in one try (rather than the five or six it had been taking me while I'd been sick the last four months), I got excited. And re-lit the candle just so I could blow it out again. A week ago I started trying to walk up huge flights of stairs. On Thursday I signed up for a huge chunk of yoga classes.
And tonight I went to the first one. I hoped it wouldn't be one of those classes where everyone else can balance on the ball of one foot and I'm the fattie gasping for air and holding onto the wall for balance.
Dude, I can not adequately express just how much of a natural athlete I am, but I will try. The people on either side of me kept checking what I was doing so they could copy me when they weren't sure what the yogi had said to do. For each pose, I remembered all the corrections I was given back in '07, and before the yogi could get to me, I'd have undone my (ballet) turn-out to yogify the poses. I can still do the pushups (that's not what they're called in yogaland, but you know what I mean, whether or not you do yoga) and boat posture (the yoga word starts with an 'N' but I can't remember what it is), which uses crazy stomach muscles.
Seriously, it's almost like I never took any time off at all. It was a small class (which made me happy) and the instructor was pretty impersonal which sounds bad, but it worked for me tonight. The only thing that kind of went wrong was when out of nowhere, I could not breathe at all. I actually had to go stand against the wall and sip some water for about two minutes. It kind of slammed into me with no warning - one minute I was sweaty but fine, and the next, there was a distant rushing sound (one of the signs I'm going to pass out) and I noticed I couldn't catch my breathe. I pressed the backs of my arms against the wall; it felt cool. The rushing sound went away, and I hopped back on the mat as if I'd never left.
From then on everything was fine, and I managed not to laugh at all, not even when the redheaded girl across from me toppled over during tree poses. I am on such a high right now - I think it's because I've been pumped up for this since Thursday in an effort to not be too scared to go - that if I can walk when I wake up tomorrow, I may go back tomorrow night.
Too ambitious? Yeah, I was planning on going every other day this week, but shit, if I can do it, why not, right? Seriously, I'm so happy that tonight went well. I truly thought it might suck, especially since I twisted my ankle twice this afternoon while in Marin. But no, it was as smooth as buttah.
Okay so for those of you who do yoga, please comment if you have a mat that's not slippery, and let me know what brand it is. I always use the free ones the place has, but I never remember which one is less slippery and just grab whichever color appeals to me in the moment. The ones they sell there are, at minimum, $50, and I wouldn't want to spend that much money unless I was able to try it out during a class and see how "no-slip-grip" it truly is first. Thank you.
And tonight I went to the first one. I hoped it wouldn't be one of those classes where everyone else can balance on the ball of one foot and I'm the fattie gasping for air and holding onto the wall for balance.
Dude, I can not adequately express just how much of a natural athlete I am, but I will try. The people on either side of me kept checking what I was doing so they could copy me when they weren't sure what the yogi had said to do. For each pose, I remembered all the corrections I was given back in '07, and before the yogi could get to me, I'd have undone my (ballet) turn-out to yogify the poses. I can still do the pushups (that's not what they're called in yogaland, but you know what I mean, whether or not you do yoga) and boat posture (the yoga word starts with an 'N' but I can't remember what it is), which uses crazy stomach muscles.
Seriously, it's almost like I never took any time off at all. It was a small class (which made me happy) and the instructor was pretty impersonal which sounds bad, but it worked for me tonight. The only thing that kind of went wrong was when out of nowhere, I could not breathe at all. I actually had to go stand against the wall and sip some water for about two minutes. It kind of slammed into me with no warning - one minute I was sweaty but fine, and the next, there was a distant rushing sound (one of the signs I'm going to pass out) and I noticed I couldn't catch my breathe. I pressed the backs of my arms against the wall; it felt cool. The rushing sound went away, and I hopped back on the mat as if I'd never left.
From then on everything was fine, and I managed not to laugh at all, not even when the redheaded girl across from me toppled over during tree poses. I am on such a high right now - I think it's because I've been pumped up for this since Thursday in an effort to not be too scared to go - that if I can walk when I wake up tomorrow, I may go back tomorrow night.
Too ambitious? Yeah, I was planning on going every other day this week, but shit, if I can do it, why not, right? Seriously, I'm so happy that tonight went well. I truly thought it might suck, especially since I twisted my ankle twice this afternoon while in Marin. But no, it was as smooth as buttah.
Okay so for those of you who do yoga, please comment if you have a mat that's not slippery, and let me know what brand it is. I always use the free ones the place has, but I never remember which one is less slippery and just grab whichever color appeals to me in the moment. The ones they sell there are, at minimum, $50, and I wouldn't want to spend that much money unless I was able to try it out during a class and see how "no-slip-grip" it truly is first. Thank you.
Labels: Interactive, Yoga
posted by Green at 3/30/2008 10:22:00 PM
7 Comments:
I got one that is great & is not slippery at Target. I think it's Prospirit & comes with a carrying strap. It was maybe about $15.
I don't do yoga... but I've always wanted to. My sister does yoga. I don't know what she uses for a mat, though.
Wow... what a helpful comment.
I hate to ask such a question but does anyone else besides me worry about flatulence during yoga?? I want to take classes but that is my worst nightmare---esp in front of a class of people!!!!
I recommend the original Sticky Mats from Germany: http://www.yogapro.com/mats/mats.html
But my hubby thinks you should rather buy a yoga rug. They are suppossed to be great if you sweat a lot.
You kicked ass in Fucking Yoga! You must feel taller and stretchier tonight.
No more shared mats! Do I need to gross you out with some "MRSA in the gyms" stories? Ewwwww. ***Nag over.***
I think I bought my mat at Target several years ago. It's pretty basic, and purple, and doesn't slide, but no clue what brand it is. No handle on it, which is why I bought a custom-made yoga mat carrier that sort of matches my laptop bag. Because it's important that those two items match, in my head, for some reason.
The feeling of possibly passing out was probably the result of stimulating your vagus nerve. There's a bunch of ways to do that, most of which have escaped me, but bearing down on your abdomen is one. Nurse Jack can elighten us or you can google it.
Congratulations, might have to take the "F'n" of yoga references?
My mat is made by Prana and it is great. No slipping! You definitely need your own mat. Putting your face where someone elses stinky feet were earlier...ew!
Regarding the flatulence, you are not alone!! There is even a move we regularly do (apinasana) which is supposed to move the gas through and out, wonderful.
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