Girlie Dancing (Live Blogging)

Shannon Elizabeth: I think Derek has a bit of a crush on her. I greatly dislike her outfit, the song, and their dance. Shannon needs to go to a salsa club to learn how to move her hips. In addition, Shannon needs to up her cardio game, since she seems incapable of catching her breath. Also, wasn't this a cha-cha-cha? Where the fuck was the cha-cha-cha-ing? However, Carie Ann gave a huge compliment that should not be overlooked when she said, "Nothing shook." (MN, she played the Russian exchange student in American Pie, and was also famous for marrying (and then divorcing) a very ugly guy.)

Monica Seles: I think she will be one of the first women to go home. I'm just putting that out there. Is Monica the one married to Andre? I used to have a HUGE crush on him. Like, whatever you're imagining, triple it. Oh! Look at her shoes - she is not wearing heels! Jesus, this is painful to watch. I give her partner a lot of credit - he has done everything in his power to hide the fact that she sucks. Monica does not suck at acting though. Watch the judges try to be kind in their critique. Awww... she has that look on her face that I recognize - how soon can I get away to cry in private? (MN, she is a famous tennis player.)

Marissa Jaret Winokur: First, I should apologize for confusing her with Nikki Blonsky. At least I got the Broadway show right, right? Second, she had cervical cancer and is recovered now. I just wanted that noted. I also want to tell people who don't know that fat girls can be light on their feet. It has nothing to do with how much you weight; it's all about how you carry yourself. I can float down a flight of stairs next to a 95lb woman who clomps down the same stairs next to me.

Oh my god she looks like so much fun. I want to invite her over and go skipping down the street with her holding hands. And you could tell Tony, her partner, was all, "Shit, I can't believe they stuck me with the fat girl!" but then when he met her he was like, "Wow, she's awesome, I'm so lucky!" And you are Tony. You ARE lucky. Did everyone catch Ricki Lake in the audience? Okay good. (MN, she was the star of the Broadway show Hairspray. Years ago, Ricki Lake played the same character that Marissa played.)

Priscilla Presley: I just want to point out that she is a grandmother. She is this season's Kelly Taylor with the nervousness. It makes me sad when I see someone who can truly dance but they're holding back because of nervousness. I think she has great potential. (MN, she is an actress but is most famous for having been married to Elvis Presley. I believe one of her grandchildren was in the audience.)

Kristi Yamaguchi: I think she's got real potential to win. I'm eager to see if she wears that locket on the red string that she always wore on the ice. Nope, guess she's over that phase. Kristi does not disappoint - in all the places it'd be easy to screw up, I look to see if she is, and she's not. She kept her posture almost the whole time, she didn't drop the back elbow, it was fabulous. Kristi is a major contender. 27! Obviously the judges agree with me. Smart judges. (MN, Kristi is an Olympic figure skater.)

Marlee Matlin: See now I wonder if she would do better (however well she does) by dancing barefoot. I recall reading about how deaf people can feel the vibrations through the floor, which is why I thought of this. There used to be a cute deaf kid on my bus when I was in high school. My aunt had given me a sign language book and I used it to teach myself the ASL alphabet to communicate with the cute boy. Ever since, I've kind of had a soft spot for the deaf community.

Ohh, this is such a great dance song! Though I am not digging this version - it's slightly slowed down. Marlee did great, and I think she will do even better next week (obviously America is not going to vote off the deaf chick) when she's less nervous. You can really tell Marlee loves to dance. (MN, she's an actress who is deaf.)

You'd think with how much I am in love with dancing I'd be voting and calling everyone I know to talk them into voting also, but I have actually never voted for any of these shows. But that doesn't mean you shouldn't vote (for Marissa or Kristi).

Seriously, my heartrate is over 100 right now, and I have to get up early tomorrow morning. There's no way I will be able to calm down enough to go to bed at 11 p.m. Do you think that when I'm like 92 I'll still be hyper?