What I Left Out

There's something I didn't tell you about in the whole Frank story. I wanted to put it in originally because it was funny, but then took it out because it didn't pertain to the story at all.

But you need to know this. Because you know how much I love seeing people trip. Or fall. Or trip AND fall. And I know you know, because you guys email me any time you do either, or see someone else take a spill. Which, by the way, totally makes my day. Sometimes it even makes the next day too. So keep those emails coming.

We'd moved into our first new office. The one where Frank was beyond angry at not having gotten an office. Remy of course, had an office. Remy was fat. He wore pants that didn't fit properly, without a belt. They were always sliding down his ass each time he'd lean over, and not in a gangsta kind of way that could pass for cool in certain areas. But in the "I can see what color panties you're wearing and your fat ass crack too" kind of way.

It was terrible. I was grossed out by the ass crack shots. But Remy didn't seem to care that he was showing everyone his crack. Anyway.

During this whole thing with Frank after we'd moved the first time, Remy decided to go on a liquid diet. For about three weeks. If you're considering doing that, please listen to me and don't do it. It's not healthy. Any diet that makes you actually WEAK is not a healthy diet for you. Plus, it makes you irritable and you'll be bitchy to your secretary who will then almost be driven to tears at her desk because she will internalize her inability to read your mind after you've yelled at her and wonder if maybe she really was supposed to have been able to figure out what you meant even though you hadn't said it.

One day, I was in Remy's office and he was giving me work to do. He'd pick something up off the floor, hand it to me, talk to me about it, and then go on to the next file. It was towards the end of week two of the liquid diet, and Remy was definitely not well. He leaned over to pick up a file. I looked away to avoid seeing panties and ass crack.

And then Remy's chair flipped forward and dumped him on the floor. I did the only thing I possibly could - got up, said, "Excuse me," and ran out of Remy's office down the hall to avoid laughing in front of him!

Not exactly the most professional move I've made in my career, but it was seriously the most professional thing I was capable of doing in that moment. You know, rather than staying and laughing right in front of him.

The whole chair tipping forward / Remy falling thing kept replaying in my head. And so I had to talk about it. Which is why I told the other secretary. Who promptly felt the need to re-inact the scene, complete with fake, "Whoaaaaaa!" noises mixed in. Multiple times.

It was the highlight of my time working there.