Now I'll Be Famous

As a little girl, I would put on my Mickey Mouse Disco record in the living room, pretend my gymnastics coaches Ann and Joel were sitting on the couch watching me, and I'd zoom in from my hiding spot behind the dining room table to perform my little gymastics heart out to a Disney-themed floor routine. I wanted to be a gymnast with all my heart and soul. It was a time when Nadia Comanceci was still a household name, and I was going to be Nadia the Second.

I didn't really want to be famous as much as I wanted the recognition of being a great gymnast. As the sun dipped below the trees I would do handstand after handstand and cartwheel after cartwheel while my mother sat on the couch, sipping her iced Coke, giving me directions. Lock your elbows. Point your toes. Despite the fact that as far as I knew, my mother had never done a cartwheel in her life, I was convinced that with her help, she could make me perfect.

It was a long fall, complete with a crooked spine and a crash, when I realized I wasn't going to be a gymnast. To this day, I still cry when I watch the Olympics, because of how fully and totally I believed that was going to be me. And it's not.

It wasn't until I became older that I wanted to be famous. But if I looked more deeply into the reasons behind that want, it wasn't what I really wanted. What I really wanted was to be special. To be treated like I was special. To be liked. To be loved. To have other people want to be me, just as much as I wanted to be other people, anyone really, other than myself. Oh, and rich. I truly thought anyone who appeared on television must be rich. Except maybe the people who comprised the audience of Wheel of Fortune. Those people were just average. But I wanted to be rich too. Rich, and liked and admired. Actually, I wouldn't mind those things now. Except I wouldn't want to be liked because I was rich.

I'm never going to be famous. And I'm probably not going to be rich either. You're going to have to want to hang around with me because I'm introspective and listen well and will redecorate your house when you're bored of it.

This morning I read that Keifer Sutherland has to serve 48 days in jail because of drunk driving. There are tons of non-famous people who drive drunk and also have to serve jail time for it. But Keifer is rich. Really, really rich. I fail to understand why someone who's rich would EVER be driving while drunk. Keifer could hire a driver. Britney should have hired a driver a year ago.

I used to think that people who were famous must be smart, because it's so hard to claw your way to the top. Surely smarts had to play a part in it. Silly me - I didn't realize dumb luck worked for dumb people too.

I've learned a lot of truths since I thought those things. I don't think of myself as being very smart. I suppose that's why I assume that if I know something, of course everyone else will know it too. That must be the reason I'm shocked that a kid will kill people and leave a note saying "Now I'll be famous" as if that's one good thing that came out of taking people's lives. As if there's some special Famous People Heaven that's nicer than the regular one, and he'll get in there and wind up with higher thread-count linens. Never mind what he's famous for. Hey, maybe he'll live next door to John Wilkes Booth.

Being famous shouldn't be seen as a get-out-of-trouble free card, and I think it is. By both the famous and non-famous alike. Being famous shouldn't make you immune to the law. You shouldn't want to be famous just so everyone will know who you are. I don't mean to be all preachy, but what happened to people striving to be good people? To doing the right thing simply because it's the right thing to do?

Al Gore deserves to be famous, deserves to have people line up to shake his hand, to have babies thrust into his arms to kiss for good luck. He's tried to make this world a better place. He's brought awareness to the general public. Who cares that he's wooden and somewhat stiff? You know what I see when you see him not being as comfortable as Bush? I see a guy who just wants to keep his head down and do his work. And that should be fine. I don't need to think the president would make a great neighbor, or would be someone I'd like to be friends with. I just want to think they'd make a good president, would be good problem-solvers, and would represent our country well to other places.

"Now I'll be famous." Yeah, but for what? How many people even remember the name of the Virginia Tech shooter? And that was only seven months ago.