Slap a Dress & Bonnet On Me, and Call Me Amish
I may as well be Amish for how technologically advanced I am. Dial-up. The Most Basic Cable You Can Have While Still Having MTV. Never used Netflix. What's Tivo? My friend's three-year-old knows how to use a DVD player, and I don't (maybe she'll teach me someday?). iPod? What's the big deal about the Apple store, anyway? I've had a cell phone since about the end of October, 2001. I didn't fire it up until the beginning of 2002. Just Two Weeks Ago I figured out how to store phone numbers (press the button under the word 'Store') and attach people's names to them. I can finally call Beth One!
Yesterday the Cowboy's college-age son started working with us. And by us, I mean Loose Earlobe Lady. 'Lobes a-flappin, she bustled around all day acting very important and busy. She was so busy bossing Cowpoke around, she only had time to piss off four people today (me, Nice Partner, a Grandma, and one associate). But that's another post.
So Cowpoke is walking past my desk, and he's got .... this little thing open, and he's pressing buttons. I may not know how to use technology myself, but I've seen a lot of it on tv. So I knew he was text messaging someone. But here's the cool thing. When he was finished, he flipped the little thing closed, and you know what it was? His cell phone! How cute is that?!
Now, I always look at these things, like iPods and digital cameras (there's a real reason there are never any photos on this blog) and think "I want that!" But then I think about it a little more, and realize that if I had an iPod, I'd have to get music onto it somehow. Putting aside the whole illegal downloading issue for a moment, let's all think about just how long it would take to download ONE SONG on a computer that has dial-up. Let's consider how I rejected being a paralegal even though they earn more money than legal secretaries because I HATE research with a passion. My brother was actually all set to buy me a digital camera last year for my birthday. Then I realized I'd have to download and upload the pictures. I realized he wouldn't be here to teach me how to use the camera.
Time out for the people reading who are thinking "But it's so easy!" To you, I say FUCK YOU. YOU don't have learning disabilities to the extent that I do. And until you do, don't tell me how easy something is, because you have NO CONCEPT of how hard or easy things are for me. This is my pet peeve. Do not ever tell me anything is "so easy" unless you're trying to make me give you the Look of Death. Things that you think would be way too hard for me I may find outrageously easy. Things you think are common sense will bring me to tears with how complex my brain finds them. Do not even begin to decide for me whether or not something is difficult or easy for me. I will decide for myself. ::delicately steps off soapbox without falling, lest I am forced to blog about my own fall::
So I called my brother and told him thanks but never mind on that camera thing. So I don't really do high-tech stuff, even when it seems super cool. I leave it for other people to use, and talk to me about, and hopefully feel good about explaining to me.
Hey there Whippersnapper, whatcha got there?
Oh, it's just my phone.
You can text message on your phone?
Yeah.
Wow. That looks kind of complicated. How long did it take you to learn?
Well, I've been text messaging since eighth grade, so ...
Since eighth grade??? Shit, I think we still had our Commodore 64 when I was in eighth grade! I still hadn't mastered our VCR except for watching the Dirty Dancing movie. It made me feel very old. I am a decade older than the Cowpoke.
Then I pulled my walker out from under my desk, shoved my stash of prunes and tissues up my sleeve, and my orthopedic shoes and I shuffled off into the sunset, to go to the early-bird special.
Yesterday the Cowboy's college-age son started working with us. And by us, I mean Loose Earlobe Lady. 'Lobes a-flappin, she bustled around all day acting very important and busy. She was so busy bossing Cowpoke around, she only had time to piss off four people today (me, Nice Partner, a Grandma, and one associate). But that's another post.
So Cowpoke is walking past my desk, and he's got .... this little thing open, and he's pressing buttons. I may not know how to use technology myself, but I've seen a lot of it on tv. So I knew he was text messaging someone. But here's the cool thing. When he was finished, he flipped the little thing closed, and you know what it was? His cell phone! How cute is that?!
Now, I always look at these things, like iPods and digital cameras (there's a real reason there are never any photos on this blog) and think "I want that!" But then I think about it a little more, and realize that if I had an iPod, I'd have to get music onto it somehow. Putting aside the whole illegal downloading issue for a moment, let's all think about just how long it would take to download ONE SONG on a computer that has dial-up. Let's consider how I rejected being a paralegal even though they earn more money than legal secretaries because I HATE research with a passion. My brother was actually all set to buy me a digital camera last year for my birthday. Then I realized I'd have to download and upload the pictures. I realized he wouldn't be here to teach me how to use the camera.
Time out for the people reading who are thinking "But it's so easy!" To you, I say FUCK YOU. YOU don't have learning disabilities to the extent that I do. And until you do, don't tell me how easy something is, because you have NO CONCEPT of how hard or easy things are for me. This is my pet peeve. Do not ever tell me anything is "so easy" unless you're trying to make me give you the Look of Death. Things that you think would be way too hard for me I may find outrageously easy. Things you think are common sense will bring me to tears with how complex my brain finds them. Do not even begin to decide for me whether or not something is difficult or easy for me. I will decide for myself. ::delicately steps off soapbox without falling, lest I am forced to blog about my own fall::
So I called my brother and told him thanks but never mind on that camera thing. So I don't really do high-tech stuff, even when it seems super cool. I leave it for other people to use, and talk to me about, and hopefully feel good about explaining to me.
Hey there Whippersnapper, whatcha got there?
Oh, it's just my phone.
You can text message on your phone?
Yeah.
Wow. That looks kind of complicated. How long did it take you to learn?
Well, I've been text messaging since eighth grade, so ...
Since eighth grade??? Shit, I think we still had our Commodore 64 when I was in eighth grade! I still hadn't mastered our VCR except for watching the Dirty Dancing movie. It made me feel very old. I am a decade older than the Cowpoke.
Then I pulled my walker out from under my desk, shoved my stash of prunes and tissues up my sleeve, and my orthopedic shoes and I shuffled off into the sunset, to go to the early-bird special.
posted by Green at 6/01/2006 07:17:00 AM
4 Comments:
Well, see, that's part of the problem that old geezers like you and I face. We were already grown ups by the time this particular technological revolution took place (yes, I had a Commodore 64 in 8th grade, as well).
So let me make two suggestions.
1) You already have cable. Call up and ask what it would cost to get your basic cable service, cable modem, and cable phone service (you don't have to get this last, but it might make everything cheaper). You'll have to buy the cable modem (or rent, but I think it's worth buying in the long run). And it will mean that you can blog to your heart's content without worrying about whether or not someone might need to call you, or whether you'll get bumped offline in the middle of a post.
Because dial-up is just WRONG.
2) If you do this, and if you feel like you want to venture into the world of MP3 players, get an iPod. (Someone else can recommend which one.) I don't have one, but for ease of use, get the iPod and use iTunes. From what I hear, you are their target market. I have a different, non-Apple MP3 that I'm very happy with, but I have extra steps every time I want to download something. With an iPod, you won't have to deal with that, and I think it would be worth it for that reason alone.
Unless you're perfectly happy with your Walkman (I still have mine - don't use it anymore now that I have the MP3 player, but hey, I still have cassettes, so...).
Oh, don't feel bad. I tell people I don't have a cell phone because of how rude people get when they use them, but the truth is that they terrify me, like most technology. I am hopelessly confused by the phones, the plans, the options. Texting, camera phones, networks, ring tones?! AAAAHHHH!!!!
And that's just cell phones. God help me if I ever get a job where I can't use a computer. If I had to buy one for myself and figure out how to get online at home, I'd probably have a breakdown.... Actually, it's more likely that I'd finally get over my internet addiction cold turkey. The DVD player I got for Christmas still isn't hooked up, not that I'd know how to use it if it were.
Then there's iPods and Blackberries and MP3s and other stuff.... I won't go on, but you are not alone.
I'm with you. I don't have cable TV, but I have cable internet access and wireless. DH and A love the Apple store. My take? It's enough to induce seizures. I have had a camera cell phone for almost 2 years and don't know how to download the pictures I've taken.
There are days when I think it would be nice to have an iPod (DH has 2, A has 1) but then I think about having to burn my fave CDs onto my computer, download stuff from my computer, log into iTunes to see what I want to download, etc. So much work.
I think I have to buy a PDA. As much as I hate the thought of learning the necessary shorthand, it looks like it's gonna be the wise thing to do for nursing school/work thereafter. Darn it.
what, pray tell is a Commodore 64?
I got a computer in 96. SO shush up about your elderlyness.
I barely know any of the functions on my cell phone. My best GF is a computer teacher. She is very helpful with my camera etc. I know how to make posts on forums and blog, take pictures and that is it.
It seems you are not ALONE.
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