Rule One: Just Be Nice

One of the things I always hated about living with my parents is how mean they are. Mostly to each other but sometimes I get it too. Before this visit, the last time I saw them was two years ago. I would have liked to think that since they've had time to adjust to living with just each other (without kids), perhaps they'd have become nicer. Nope. Nothing has changed.

Last night we were at my aunt's house for Passover. As we were leaving my cousin's husband gave me a hug and kiss goodbye. Then he did the same with my mother. Then he shook my dad's hand and patted his shoulder and said "I won't kiss you, but you know..." Clearly his implication was that he loves my father just the same. Men in my family don't kiss other men. That's just how it is. Everyone knows this. My mother gave my cousin a hard time about what he did. Loudly. In front of everyone. She did it in a joking manner but it was obvious she was making both my dad and my cousin's husband uncomfortable. I willed her to shut up to no avail. She does things like this ALL THE TIME.

Today for lunch I had matzah ball soup with two matzah balls. Before dinner my mother was preparing soup again, and she asked how many matzah balls I wanted in my soup. When I said two, she said I could only have one. We won't even go into why she asked what I wanted if she wasn't going to listen. I gave her my Glare of Death and she tried to explain her reasoning by saying that she wanted there to still be some matzah balls left. She has a HUGE bowl of them. Enough to last for days. Why do you make food if not for people to eat? Plus I offered to make some before I even got here. She haughtily pointed out that I didn't make any today. That's when I lost it - I told my mother that I can't win at all with her. She asks, I answer, she disregards my answer. I spent all day hanging around waiting for HER to be ready to leave to do errands (we'd agreed to leave at 10am but wound up leaving after 2pm), so I couldn't have cooked them today. Plus if I'd tried to, she wouldn't have let me, saying she already had them made. SOOOOOO FRUSTRATING!

Tonight at dinner my father yelled at my mother for how she was eating her soup. He then tried to make it her fault she got yelled at by reminding her that she wanted to be told when she did things at home that she'd be embarrassed to do in public.

Then later, I was telling my father that when I'm in S.F., I always think of him every time I remind myself to cut food rather than tear it so the tines on my forks don't become bent, because he used to say that to me when I was little. My mother said to him, "Is that what you want to be remembered for? Tines on forks?" HOW CRUEL! My father said nothing (what the hell can you possibly say to someone when they say that to you?!) and I told my mother that I think of my father for MANY reasons. After dinner when my father had left the kitchen, I pointed out to my mother how hurtful what she said was.

The funny thing is that her intentions are so pure. She really means to be a nice person. It's such a bizzare feeling to be telling a parent to do something they used to always tell me to do. In this case, it's "think about how what you say will make the person you're saying it to feel, BEFORE you say it." In simpler terms, think before you speak.

I love my mother. She has no friends. I am one of the very few people she talks with, and one of the even fewer people she goes places with. I sometimes HATE being with her though.

Friday Nights Are HOT In My World!

The only guys who ever look at me are the homeless guys I walk past on the way to the supermarket. They look at me. Then they spit at my feet. I'm kind of used to it at this point.

Tonight when I got in the elevator clutching my sheets and towels on the way down to the laundry room, there was a hot guy already in there. Not drop-dead gorgeous hot, but if you were having a conversation with him, at some point you'd notice his good looks hot.

He said hi.
I said hi back.
Someone else got on the elevator and our witty repartee came to a grinding halt.
We reached the lobby level (where I was NOT getting off, which he knew because he'd seen me press the button for the floor below that one), and the other person got off the elevator.
I stood there clutching my Tide, expecting him to get off the elevator.
He finally politely gestured for me to get off the elevator before him (how sweet - a mensch!) and I in turn looked down at my laundry and then back at him while I tried to formulate words to the thought "I'm not getting off here, but thank you." which apparently, is quite hard for me to do.
He said "Oh yeah...." and made the universal face for "Duh" and walked off.

Friday nights are HOT in my world! not.

Hurting Hurts

This week I hurt somebody accidentally. The person I hurt has such a big heart and a forgiving nature that it's possible I am more upset about it than she is. I thought she might forgive me because she's just that type of person, but I was fully prepared to not be forgiven at all. I don't think I fully understood what it means to be a forgiving person until she talked to me. I never saw this forgiving someone, and truly doing it, in action before. I am in awe of her ability to forgive. Really, in awe. And I'm quite a jaded person. It's very rare for me to be in awe of anything.

Although I have done everything I can think of to resolve the hurt I've caused, I am still very upset with myself for having caused it in the first place. I wish I had gone with my gut, because my gut knew better.

I cannot remember the last time I was so overwhelmed by a feeling of guilt. I am just so sorry. If I could do anything else to fix it, I would.

Thursday, April 14, 2005 in People | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)

SATURDAY! In the Park....

Okay so today isn't Saturday, but I was at a playground (also known as a 'poohground' to some who frequent it) which is like a park with a friend and her daughter. Such a nice day!

I played soccerball with a two year old who shocked me with her soccer skills. She is the next Mia Hamm.
I got sunburned (not so nice, but it'll fade to a nice tan).
I was happily surprised to meet someone in person who I knew only online!

An Update to Mean, Sneaky Shit

FASCINATING!

http://www.blogger.com/img/gl.link.gif Where's the Jewishness?

This morning I caught the last half of the movie School Ties.

I never list it as one of my favorites when asked to, but I suppose it is. It always stops me in my tracks, and always makes me think. Though I've probably seen it - or parts of it - at least a dozen times, my breath is taken away every time I see the sheet with the huge, black swastika draped over the bed.

When I was a baby my godparents gave me one of these.

At first I would just wear it on special occasions. Then I wore it every day of my life from about the age of 11 to the age of 23 (except for a few months when I was 18 and spending lots of time in a hospital). I even wore it when I went here: http://www.cobleskill.edu/ and I was the only Jewish person on my entire dorm building's floor, and the only Jewish person many of my dormmates had met. When I needed to fast for the day because of this, I was told I MUST attend a mandatory lunch floor meeting by the Resident Assistant on my floor. Even after I told her that I was more than happy to attend, but I could not eat, she continued to give me a hard time. She also managed to tell everyone on my floor I was Jewish. Bitch. I wasn't keeping it a secret, but I also wasn't advertising it. I guess Mary Ellen from Corning, NY didn't care about enforcing this. One night a girl on my floor came up to me and said, "You're Jewish? My grandfather was in the KKK - isn't that cool?!" and she honestly thought it was a cool coincidence that she was going to college with a type of person her grandfather had wanted to lynch. People on my floor were SHOCKED to hear that I did not celebrate Christmas, and were unable to wrap their heads around that concept. They asked what I did on Christmas. DUH - movies and chinese food, like every other card-carrying Jew. Come on - I wouldn't want to get kicked out for breaking protocol. They asked if I celebrated Thanksgiving, since I didn't celebrate Christmas. (There is a reason Cobleskill is not ranked very highly among the other 63 state schools within the SUNY system.) Growing up in lower New York, I had never met people who hadn't met Jewish people before, and I didn't know how to handle it. My mother recalls my telling her that she forgot to tell me how to accept people who don't accept other people. Just one of many reasons I wanted to leave that college after one semester.

When I was about to move to South Florida (where I'd be going on job interviews) my mother pointed out that perhaps I should not be advertising my Jewishness in the DEEP SOUTH and I should not wear my Star of David necklace until I knew who I was working with.

It turned out that the majority of people I worked with and for were either:

A. Jewish; or,
B. From New York (where being Jewish is common), or
C. Both A and B

I grew up in a town in New York where more than half the people are Jewish. Even the kids who celebrated Christmas would bring their lunch sandwiches to school on matzah during Passover. At most seders we would have at least one guest at the table who was not Jewish.

When I was saying goodbye to the General Counsel at my last job in Florida before flying out to San Francisco, as he hugged me he said, "If you ever have any problems, remember that Levi's is Jewish" which I found hysterically funny. I flashed to it being 2am in San Francisco, me being lost in a scary and semi-deserted neighborhood, hailing a cab, and through my tears telling the cab driver to "Please take me to Levi's right away - it's an emergency!" I would then knock on the door of their headquarters, flash my Star of David necklace, and they would promptly welcome me in with open arms, giving me free jeans for the rest of my life. Because you know, all Jews stick together. Membership has its privileges.

Meanwhile I can't find any raspberry hamentashen to save my life.