Forward Thinking

When I was a kid, my father told me to always assume the worst. That way I'd be prepared for anything bad that happened, and if something good happened, it'd be a pleasant surprise. It's a protective way of thinking, and it worked for a long time.

People in San Francisco don't think that way though. They believe in thinking positive, karma, putting out positive vibes, all that stuff.

For the last three years - the last year more specifically - my life has been on a downwards spiral. When I first stopped working I hoped. With every resume I sent out, I hoped to get a new job. I don't know when it happened exactly, but I stopped hoping. It happened over a period of time. With each attempt at networking when people would say "Oh, that's hard, good luck" and make it clear they weren't going to do anything that would help me. With each application I filled out at a retail store. With each unanswered e-mail I sent out. Eventually there was just no hope left in me, and I started waiting to become homeless, or for whatever happens to people once their unemployment runs out and they can't pay their rent or get a job.

I haven't temped since January. A week from Monday I will start a two-week temp job at a firm I temped at last year that I really enjoyed a lot. My hope is that Barb is the secretary I will be covering for, that she hasn't already retired. My hope is that she will have such a nice time on her two week holiday that when she comes back she will give notice that she is retiring. My hope is that the partners will love me so much that as soon as they finish attending Barb's going away party they will insist to HR that they call me up and get me to replace her.