Less Than Two Days Left

For most of last week and all of this week, I'm temping at a law firm, covering for two new-to-the-firm partners whose also-new-to-the-firm-because-they-brought-her-with-them secretary is on vacation for two weeks.

These are like the nicest partners EVER. Seriously, just such a pleasure to work with, they give me plenty to do, etc. I even said something to the female partner today while I was filing in her office about how much I'm enjoying my time here, and hey, has Barb considered retiring? I swear to you it was due to major restraint that I managed not to break into song and dance when the partner confirmed that yes, in fact Barb HAS floated the idea by them.

I sit next to a lovely Italian woman from New York who is the assistant to HR. It is such a breath of fresh air to chat with somebody so direct, with somebody who talks fast, somebody who understands why it's great to find a nearby place for lunch that sells Boar's Head meat.

So far, I have not heard anyone screaming, nor have I seen anyone crying in the bathrooms. Both of these things have happened at other firms.

The desk I have been sitting at is covered with turtles and pictures of cats. On my very first day, I said something to the next-door woman about "I guess Barb like turtles," and she leaned over conspiratorially and as she pointed to the picture of two turtles said, "This is George, and this is Elizabeth. Wait, maybe it's the other way around. Anyway, George and Elizabeth ... ya know ... do it. When Barb puts them together they stay connected for five whole days! And Elizabeth here, she has a delicate bladder, and what with her uterus being right next to her bladder, well you can imagine the problems! So Barb has to be very careful in making sure George doesn't hurt Elizabeth."

Even the staple remover at the desk is in the shape of a turtle. Apparently this firm never hires temps and everyone is confused as to why these two partners need a temp. I can understand this being confusing, especially considering that each secretary (aside from the one I'm covering for) has four or five attorneys (which is too much!).

On Wednesdays this firm bakes cookies in the afternoon. At 3pm they just send out an email saying "Warm cookies are in the kitchen!" and there's a stampede to go get some. On Friday mornings they have bagels and pastries and fruit. Those are the good things. The bad things are the high lawyer to secretary ratio I mentioned, and the fact that you have to "punch in" and "out" on a virtual time clock. I mean, I don't have to, since I'm not an employee. But that can be a real pain in the ass. Say you're coming back from lunch or walking in first thing at the start of the day, and one of your five lawyers sees you and asks you to do something, telling you it's a rush. Of course you just start rushing and 28 minutes later when things have died down you realize it looks like you just took a leisurely hour and a half lunch.

The last thing I'm not a fan of is that this firm has terrible training. There are no instructions anywhere (granted, they never have temps, so maybe there's really no need) on how to do things, office protocols, who gets called for which issues, etc. It's pretty frustrating to come in to a law firm, wanting to appear competent and make a good impression, but then spend 10 minutes away from your desk looking for an envelope, or taking double the time it should take to get a copy made because nobody told you a user number was needed, or which one you should use.

As I said though, everyone's been super-friendly, so I'd rather put up with these frustrations than dealing with lawyers who scream. I hope they plan to hire some new baby attorneys for the fall. You know, like maybe five. Or Barb could just retire and spend her golden years with George and Elizabeth.

P.S. Apple has not said anything to me other than hello and goodbye when I say it to her as I walk past.