Moving and Crying, Part Two

Here's Part One. This will also be a long one, you may want to refresh that drink. So I am so freaked out at Barrett just walking in the door with me that I beg her to give me five minutes while I go upstairs and tell Wooffers that my friend is coming over with moving boxes. Let me be clear - it's not that I am scared of Wooffers. The fact that I lock my bedroom door at night ... well, whatever man, she's fucking crazy. It's that I don't want to deal with the emails and talks Wooffers will want to have with me. You know, because I'm not "allowed" to have people over without clearing it with Wooffers first. I hand Barrett a pluot for while she waits in her car and run upstairs.

I walk in, Wooffers is taking her woofs out. I ask her if she's just taking them for a walk or if she's headed out for a while. She says, "I can't talk now," and walks out. I shrug and think, "Oh well, I *tried* to tell you." Turns out Wooffers was just taking the dogs out for a two minute walk and when she comes back I tell her that my friend is coming over.

She asks when. I say now - that she generously offered to drop off boxes for my move. Wooffers says that's not convenient for her. I shake my head saying sorry, she's just going to come into my bedroom and since my friend is doing me a favor, I have to work around her schedule, it wouldn't be right to force her to work around mine.

Wooffers then tells me I shouldn't have left the front door downstairs (to the building) wide open. I say okay. Wooffers asks why my friend can't just haul the moving boxes to the door and leave them there for me to deal with. Um, because she's a good friend and a nice person and offered to help me get started packing?

We go back and forth and I ultimately lose it saying, "I can't deal with this right now!" and walk out to go meet Barrett on the street. I tell her what's going on and Barrett's overall response is, "This is bullshit. We're going in." I explain that one of the woofs is problematic and Wooffers believes it's a very real possibility the woof could attack her. If anyone were to sue Wooffers for her woof's attack, or report it, Wooffers has told me she could have her woof training license yanked, and her woof could be euthanized. Barrett does not scare easily.

When we get inside Wooffers and the woofs are in her bedroom with the door closed. Barrett and I go into my bedroom and start putting together boxes and packing. At some point I go into the hallway to get something and Wooffers sticks her head out of her bedroom door. I let her know Barrett and I are in my bedroom with the door closed. She tells me this is not okay, that I should have come and told her that right away, etc. Barrett can hear what's going on and yells, "Green! I need you to come in here RIGHT NOW!"

I say excuse me to Wooffers and run into my bedroom. Barrett just wanted to get me away, she didn't have a packing emergency. I tell her Wooffers is standing there, waiting for me to come back and finish our conversation. Barrett rolls her eyes so heavily I am impressed they did not fall out, and walks into the hallway.

She looks straight at Wooffers and says something like, "You need to stop being an asshole," or "You're being an asshole." At that point I was swallowed up by the ground and was both horrified and fascinated at what was happening. Here's the interesting thing - Wooffers did not look shocked that she'd just been called an asshole. Most adults do not randomly call other adults assholes. Yet Wooffers did not seem surprised at all, which makes me wonder - is that not a new thing for her?

Wooffers tried to tell Barrett this was between herself and me. Barrett argued with her, said Wooffers was intimidating me. At one point Wooffers said that if she was intimidating me I needed to tell her about that. The line from Dirty Dancing where Lisa says to Baby, "I don't 'just gotta' do anything," flashed through my head. So I refused. I don't want to get into a big discussion with Wooffers about ... well, anything really.

At this point Barrett was going to come into the kitchen to help me reach things too high up (all my friends are taller than me) for me, so I left her in my bedroom and went to ask Wooffers if the woofs were staying in her bedroom and Barrett could come in the kitchen, or ...? She said something in the negative I couldn't catch, so I asked her to repeat what she'd said. Wooffers asked me to have Barrett wait until the exboyfriend who has joint custody came to pick up the aggressive woof. The reason I couldn't understand her the first time? Because she was crying, again.

Look, everyone cries sometimes. Like pooping, everyone cries. I'm not making fun of Wooffers for crying. I'm just saying that there is something very unhealthy going on if you cry any time your roommate is going to have someone over, or does have someone over. I went back into my bedroom and told Barrett that Wooffers was crying. She rolled her eyes and marched barefoot into the kitchen and started getting things down off the high shelves. Wooffers tried to talk to us, or me.

Barrett and Wooffers went back and forth. The next fun highlight was when Barrett told Wooffers she is crazy. Using the word "crazy" and everything. Oh yeah. Just like that. Right out loud, to her face. Let me tell you, I stood there clutching my set of cloud bowls so fucking tightly it's a miracle they did not break.

Wooffers tried to "get me in trouble" with Barrett by telling her that she (Wooffers) had asked me to leave (no she didn't, she told me to leave) because I did not follow the terms of the agreement we signed. It was comical. It was insane. Barrett wound up mediating between Wooffers and me, and ultimately got us to agree to communicate solely via e-mail. I am "eagerly" awaiting the e-mail Wooffers will be sending me regarding what happened today. Yes of course I will share it with you.