Life Sucks
Mama Nabi totally hit the nail on the head the other day - working makes me happy. I like having a reason to get up and get dressed each morning. I like making my tiny contribution to society. I like having structure to my day. I like earning my money rather than collecting unemployment.
The two-week temp job has ended, and I am sad. This evening I went to look at an apartment in this same neighborhood. It's $985. It's at the top of five huge hills where no buses run. It's a room in an old lady's house. There's a kitchen smaller than my bedroom closet. It's not an apartment attached to a house. It's a bedroom in someone's home. A home that smells like an old woman.
Today I got an email from the City of San Francisco. I applied for a job with them several weeks ago. Apparently I am disqualified from the application process because of something I did not understand. I guess you have to be in a training program, or have taken a specific training, but I didn't, or haven't.
Wooffers had sent me an email earlier this week asking me to respond back that I agree, saying that on May 15th she'd given me 60 days notice. I didn't email her back. Yesterday, at my temp job, I met with a lawyer who does tenant advocacy. Three or four times he said, "I wouldn't pay her any more money."
That is what I walked out of our meeting understanding. That a lawyer advised me not to pay any more rent. Wooffers expects me to pay her $500 on May 29th, representing half a month's rent from June 1 - June 15th. Then my last month's rent that I gave her before I moved in would cover June 16th through July 15th.
When I got home from the temp job this afternoon Wooffers asked me to read my emails and respond. I went to look at the old lady room, and when I came back I told Wooffers that obviously she does not want me here, and obviously I don't want to be somewhere that I'm not wanted, so I want to leave as soon as possible. Which means if I can be out of here by June 15th, I will.
Wooffers reply was that as long as I give her 30 days notice that will be fine. She then told me that she wants me to move out because I do not follow her instructions with her precious woofs. This, even after she has gone out of her way to praise me for ignoring them routinely (which is what she told me to do when I come home), saying that most people can't repeatedly ignore dogs that rush to greet them.
What I understand is that Wooffers wants to tell me in great detail (that keeps changing) how much I suck, and then wants me to agree with her, and THEN on top of that, agree that she is generous to be putting up with me for as long as she is. The cherry on top is when Wooffers all but begs me to discuss my feelings about whatever issues she's raised, which of course I refuse to do, saying my feelings don't matter.
Wooffers, emphatically: But your feelings DO matter, to me.
Thing is, I don't give a shit what matters to her at this point. She wants me to care so much about her delicate emotional state, and that for a couple of days she was in her bedroom with her door closed, supposedly because of me. And I just don't. Wooffers wants me to agree how much she's gone out of her way for me, and I won't.
She has created a world where everything revolves around her. I refuse to revolve around her. The end of this month is two full years since I got laid off and stopped working for Tuna and Nice Partner. I can not sustain myself. I am totally fucking cracking. I can not both be out of work and not have a comfortable place to live.
I am a homebody. I like to putter around my house, reading books, playing online, rearranging my furniture. Right now I can not find my true lefty scissors from second grade. I can not reach anything on the top shelf of my closet. I can not find my favorite bowl. I am not comfortable here. I want to go home, but I have nowhere to go and no money to get there.
Edited to add: Wooffers has told me that it's best I keep my bathroom door closed at all times, because the woofs will otherwise go in and make a mess, eating the garbage and whatnot. I keep the door partially closed, but not completely. I have never even seen either woof so much as stick their nose in there. Also, don't bathrooms need to air out? There's no window that can be opened. Maybe I'm imagining things but I feel like it smells musty and moist. This bothers me. Just wanted to mention that since apparently this is an airing of the grievances.
The two-week temp job has ended, and I am sad. This evening I went to look at an apartment in this same neighborhood. It's $985. It's at the top of five huge hills where no buses run. It's a room in an old lady's house. There's a kitchen smaller than my bedroom closet. It's not an apartment attached to a house. It's a bedroom in someone's home. A home that smells like an old woman.
Today I got an email from the City of San Francisco. I applied for a job with them several weeks ago. Apparently I am disqualified from the application process because of something I did not understand. I guess you have to be in a training program, or have taken a specific training, but I didn't, or haven't.
Wooffers had sent me an email earlier this week asking me to respond back that I agree, saying that on May 15th she'd given me 60 days notice. I didn't email her back. Yesterday, at my temp job, I met with a lawyer who does tenant advocacy. Three or four times he said, "I wouldn't pay her any more money."
That is what I walked out of our meeting understanding. That a lawyer advised me not to pay any more rent. Wooffers expects me to pay her $500 on May 29th, representing half a month's rent from June 1 - June 15th. Then my last month's rent that I gave her before I moved in would cover June 16th through July 15th.
When I got home from the temp job this afternoon Wooffers asked me to read my emails and respond. I went to look at the old lady room, and when I came back I told Wooffers that obviously she does not want me here, and obviously I don't want to be somewhere that I'm not wanted, so I want to leave as soon as possible. Which means if I can be out of here by June 15th, I will.
Wooffers reply was that as long as I give her 30 days notice that will be fine. She then told me that she wants me to move out because I do not follow her instructions with her precious woofs. This, even after she has gone out of her way to praise me for ignoring them routinely (which is what she told me to do when I come home), saying that most people can't repeatedly ignore dogs that rush to greet them.
What I understand is that Wooffers wants to tell me in great detail (that keeps changing) how much I suck, and then wants me to agree with her, and THEN on top of that, agree that she is generous to be putting up with me for as long as she is. The cherry on top is when Wooffers all but begs me to discuss my feelings about whatever issues she's raised, which of course I refuse to do, saying my feelings don't matter.
Wooffers, emphatically: But your feelings DO matter, to me.
Thing is, I don't give a shit what matters to her at this point. She wants me to care so much about her delicate emotional state, and that for a couple of days she was in her bedroom with her door closed, supposedly because of me. And I just don't. Wooffers wants me to agree how much she's gone out of her way for me, and I won't.
She has created a world where everything revolves around her. I refuse to revolve around her. The end of this month is two full years since I got laid off and stopped working for Tuna and Nice Partner. I can not sustain myself. I am totally fucking cracking. I can not both be out of work and not have a comfortable place to live.
I am a homebody. I like to putter around my house, reading books, playing online, rearranging my furniture. Right now I can not find my true lefty scissors from second grade. I can not reach anything on the top shelf of my closet. I can not find my favorite bowl. I am not comfortable here. I want to go home, but I have nowhere to go and no money to get there.
Edited to add: Wooffers has told me that it's best I keep my bathroom door closed at all times, because the woofs will otherwise go in and make a mess, eating the garbage and whatnot. I keep the door partially closed, but not completely. I have never even seen either woof so much as stick their nose in there. Also, don't bathrooms need to air out? There's no window that can be opened. Maybe I'm imagining things but I feel like it smells musty and moist. This bothers me. Just wanted to mention that since apparently this is an airing of the grievances.
Labels: Floating, I'm Hurt, On the Homefront, Rage Against the Green, Wooffers, Work
posted by Green at 5/22/2009 07:10:00 PM
13 Comments:
I just want to kick Woofer's neurotic ass. I really do. Since I'm not there, I hope one of her dogs bites her tonight.
I would not pay her any more money. She can't evict you in SF without a bunch of effort either and that's what she is scared of.
The whole first you move in, then she gives you 60 day notice thing sounds funny- like she needed the couple thousand dollars from the rent to cover something and the whole you suck thing is her way of justifying treating you so badly.
I'm so sorry this has turned out so badly. Don't get sucked into her mental games either. You are so much better than that.
Over the years I've learned to deal with psychos. Smile, nod and do what you want!
Mel
Agree with vivaELvino. Sounds like this bitch already knew she hated having roommates, but needed one to cover her ass somehow. Keep ignoring her as best you can!
RE the old lady's house. Is the old lady nice, at least?
This is so not your fault and so not your problem. Woofer can bite me. I'm over here all angry on your behalf.
Re. the room in the house - that may not be the worst situation, other than the transportation problem (which sounds significant). I have done that, and except for some kitchen disagreements, it worked out really well.
P.S. Don't give her a dime. If she asks, you can tell her that you are talking to your lawyer about a lawsuit against her for the inconvenience she has caused you. Hee.
Judge Judy would Side with You.
xoxo,
TDR
I would do what Things I Left Behind suggests: smile and do what you want to do. Don't even mention a lawyer unless it really gets ugly. Hold your cards close to your chest. Pokerface.
What a pain. What a neurotic idiot. What a mess. I hope you find a much happier home soon, so you can putter to your heart's content.
Meanwhile, you've tried being nice, passive, accepting, caving to her demands, and all she does is act like you're treating her horribly, right? It's obviously impossible to please her, so quit trying - be her worst nightmare, a normal roommate! But be abnormally direct, and be sure to break any rules that are ridiculous. Be courteous, of course - say "Hi!" when you see her, "Have a great day!" when you leave, and "Nice dress!" if it's true, etc, as you would to a normal roommate. And don't do anything illegal or that would justify a normal person in throwing you out and changing the locks. Being normal and direct will torment her. What fun!
For example, she asked you to keep the bathroom door closed at all times? Heck w/that. Leave it open if you think it needs airing out. If she complains, directly but pleasantly say, "Oh, sorry. I showered and it was damp in there. I just wanted to let it air out a bit. You can close it if you like."
She likes to sulk in her room if you say or do the wrong thing? Woo hoo! Be sure to say or do the "wrong" thing at least once a day so you don't have to deal with her! If she's in her room sulking, you can putter happily in the rest of the house!
You ignored the dogs as asked, but she accused you of not following her instructions? So pet the poor darlings when you walk in the door. If she complains, say: "I followed your instructions not to pet them, but you accused me of not following the instructions, so I figured I might as well do what I like. I'll stop, if you'll let up, too." Smile and walk away. Go in your room and shut the door and ignore her.
She asks you to read your emails and respond? Tell her you'll check your email when you want to, and not a minute sooner. If she wants to give you a legal notice, she can write it and hand it to you.
She asks you to tell her your feelings? Tell her you guarantee she does *not* want to hear how you feel right now and you really wish she would leave you alone about your feelings. Say it in a firm "I mean business" voice. If she cries, walk away. If she sulks in her room, enjoy the opportunity to turn up the tv in the living room and watch what you want.
Is it uncomfortable sitting in the living room with her because it's obvious she wants the space to herself and you are trying not to displease her? Get over that. It is not possible to please this neurotic ball of mess. Crank your tunes on your ipod/walkman/ whatever you have with headphones so you can't hear her, plop yourself comfortably on the couch/chair, and read a book or magazine and ignore her.
If you have friends who don't mind conflict, warn them about her and then invite them over for lunch on Saturday. Tell your roommate you have done so. If she gives you a hard time like she did about your brother, say: "I live here too, for the time being, and I will entertain guests in my home at reasonable hours. If you don't like it, you can leave or hang out in your room. Or, you could learn to be sociable and come chat with us. You might even like my friends, if you'd give them a chance." Then cook, eat, and clean up after yourself. Don't be unnecessarily loud or messy, but also don’t try to be quieter or cleaner than you normally would. Chat at a normal volume with your friends while you cook and clean. Make something you like, even if it is smelly while cooking. Offer her some.
She refuses to be pleased, no matter how hard you try, so quit trying. Live your life normally and ignore. It will torment her to no end, which I would think would be fun at this point. And it will be conflict, but at least it will be open conflict instead of all the passive-aggressive BS she's giving you, and the cowering and silent suffering you are doing now. I think open conflict is much more fun. Especially when I know I'm right. Maybe that's why I'm a lawyer.
Or maybe I'm just mean. :D
Oh greenie,
what a horrible nightmare! if lawyer says you shouldnt giver her more money, then dont! pet the dogs!!! have secret treats in your pockets!
hang in there.. i hope you dont crack.
jack
Green,
I've been reading through your blog and your archives...have you ever been told you might have Asperger's? Just curious, with all the food preferences, difficulties with roommates...my son has asperger's syndrome and many things you comment about seem to be similar to the ways he presents.
Good luck finding a new place to live; in these times I wish that landlords would be more lenient about credit ratings and such.
WOW -- I have been away/sick/busy and am finally catching up on blogs. Amazed at what you've been dealing with. I'm not finished catching up yet, but I feel for you.
Also about the city thing - maybe you just need to take a civil service test? Which is an easy, one-time thing you have to do for some states or cities, to work for them.
I like this LegalMist. That's some good advice right there.
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