Part Two: Out Ya Go!

Here's Part One.

Very nicely, I asked what was wrong, and mentally raced to review the agreement we'd signed to try to think if there was anything in there about not having guests. Wooffers tearfully told me she was upset that my friend (who'd helped me move) had said something about the side table staying in the living room the day before. I reassured her that 1. she was living with me, not my friend, and 2. that I knew the side table couldn't stay there based on our prior discussions, and it would be moved before the end of the day (ultimately the table was out of there less than 24 hours after I moved in).

Then Wooffers told me something about how the apartment was not ready for people to be coming over to see it. I assured her my brother was coming to see me, not to judge HER on the apartment, and that he's moved, and knows how crazy things get during a move.

Wooffers then gestured to herself, saying she was not ready to be meeting people. When Wooffers was saying this to me, she was dressed and had makeup on. I again said my brother was not coming over to judge her, and that anyway, he was just my brother, not like, a king or anything.

After that she said something about having people over and how it affects her sensitive woof, to which I replied that her sensitive woof was out for the day (joint custody) and my brother would surely leave before the evening when it was scheduled to come home.

Wooffers then cried the second time and in all honesty, this startled me so much - that a 40 year old would cry over a roommate having someone over in the middle of the day for a little while - that I asked her if she really wanted me to call my brother and tell him not to come. I was absolutely SHOCKED when Wooffers reply was, "Yes, thank you."

I ultimately waited down in the lobby and had a two minute talk with my brother and Crazy Girl while they were in their car on the driveway. CG said something about how Wooffer's reaction did not bode well for the future. I agreed with her. When they drove away, I was very sad.

Wooffers is my eighth roommate, peoples. Not including the two I had in college. Maybe the way I've done things is very different from everyone else, I don't know. But generally, if you're having someone over and you see your roommate before your guest arrives, you tell them. You don't ask, you tell. If you're having a party, it's more of an ask, but it's really like when I was little and my mother would say, "I'm just phrasing it as a question to be polite, but saying no is not an option." If you're having overnight guests, you ask.

I have never had this problem before, except once when Trixie was having a party and wanted to store furniture in my bedroom so there'd be more space in the living room. Sometimes when a roommate has guests over you don't see them at all, sometimes you say hi and chat for a few minutes, and sometimes you wind up all hanging out together for hours. This entire range of options seems normal to me.

You may know I'm an introvert. In general, I am fine with roommates having people over. I know it's their right, as ... like, humans, to entertain their friends or family. I may bitch about wanting company to go home or whatever, but I know my roommates really do have this right. If I don't want to meet their friends, I just go into my bedroom and close the door, or I leave the house for a while. Wooffers seemed to want me to ask her permission to have people over.

A few days after the whole debacle, when I thought Wooffers had calmed down, I went back and asked her what the "real reason" was that she hadn't wanted me to have anyone over. She again cycled through all the things she'd told me previously. I learned nothing, except that instead of saying "I only want people to come over Sunday through Thursday" or some concrete guideline I could work with, what she wanted was to be asked every single time I wanted to have someone over.

That doesn't work for my lifestyle. Sometimes I meet up with friends out and about, and then they offer to drive me home. Sometimes when they drive me home, I invite them to come in for a while. Or they ask to come in to use the bathroom, or see my place. Or a thousand other things. As a child I had friends over so rarely that I could count every single time it happened, because my mother required me to jump through so many hoops that it was exhausting to get permission. I refuse to live that way as an adult.

I do not personally know any crack whores. My friends are all very nice people, some slightly more quirky than others. They are all capable of politely saying hello to my new roommate. Many of them have done just that in the past.

Last night when I got home from work, Wooffers knocked on my bedroom door and asked to speak with me in the living room. She told me that after not-quite two weeks, she could see this wasn't working out and I would have to leave. She then pointed out that our lease agreement says she has to give me 30 days notice, but she's generously going to give me 60 days. Wooffers reiterated this multiple times, clearly wanting me to comment favorably on her generosity.

Wooffers also encouraged me multiple times to share my feelings about what she'd said. Ding! Somebody's been to therapy. I shook my head. "My feelings don't really matter," I told her. Wooffers insisted they matter to her. I didn't really give a shit what mattered to her after what she'd told me. How I felt wouldn't change her wanting me to leave, and even if it did, who wants to live where they know they're not wanted? That's why my feelings didn't matter. Wooffers kept trying to get me to engage in a conversation with her about how I felt about the bomb she'd just dropped. I refused.

Years ago, I stumbled across a book about business dealings with the Japanese, and one of the things I learned is that Americans are outrageously uncomfortable with silence, and the Japanese know and use this to their advantage in negotiations. Well shit, I can be Japanese - so when I am in a conversation that either I don't want to be in, or that is with a person I am angry at, I will often become silent. It works every time - people talk to fill the silence. (No, I have never tried this with a Japenese person.)

Wooffers babbled on and on about how I had done things that were red flags to her. Like what? Like the bullshit with the side table. Like that I "just told" her and didn't ask about having my brother over. Like that I hadn't adhered to our roommate agreement. At this, I responded. I pointed out that I'd re-read our roommate agreement and the only thing it said about guests was not to have any under the age of 15 (because one of the woofs does not do well with kids).

Then she changed directions and said that when we talked about moving in, I'd said I didn't want her guests using my bathroom. This is true - my bathroom is two feet from the front door, while her bathroom is in her bedroom which is at the back of the apartment. She'd initially asked if it mattered which bathroom guests used and I said it did - that my guests would be directed to my bathroom and she should direct her guests to her bathroom. Wooffers then said that one of my friends (on moving day) had used her bathroom.

I asked her who, because I had not been aware of either of my two friends even going into her bedroom. She named a name, and I told her I hadn't known that, and was sorry if it had happened but had either of my friends asked, I would have of course directed them to my bathroom. Wooffers then changed course and said my friend went into her office (which is the dining room) and left her a note. This is true. My friend knows Wooffers - it was through her that I saw Wooffers Craigslist ad. My friend did poke her head into the office, and saw something she liked, and jotted a quick note to Wooffers about it so she'd see it when she got home.

There is a door between the kitchen and dining room that slides into the wall. Wooffers can close the door if she wants - that would be a clear indication nobody should take one step into the space she uses as an office. The door was open. I can see how this would unsettle a tightly wound person - to know someone went into their space when they weren't home. So I apologized on behalf of my friend.

Wooffers said multiple times that I wasn't adhering to our agreement, but she never articulated how exactly that was. She ultimately said that she just couldn't deal with living with a roommate after all. I told her I wish she'd known that about herself before I spent all that time, money and stress moving in.

I think she knows I'm pissed off. Wooffers said hello to me quite tentatively earlier today.