Too Insane To Make Up

ring, ring

Me: Hello?

Church of Scientology:  Hi, can I speak with [name of family dog]?

Me: Who's calling?

CoS: Melissa from the Church of Scientology, is this [name of family dog]?

Me: No.

Melissa: Well, could I speak with her?

Me: No.

Melissa: Ummm.... may I ask why?

Me: Two reasons.  First, she's a dog, and secondly, she's been dead for over a decade.

Melissa: ...

Me: Okay, so bye.

ring, ring

Me: Hello?

Melissa: Hi, may I speak with [name of family dog]?

Me: Melissa, I already told you no and explained why not.

Melissa: Yes, but why would you say that?

head explodes

Me: Because Jesus instructs me to always tell the truth.  Don't call back. Bye.