Sometimes I Need Reminders
1. Got a call from a recruiter that a firm I temped at for a grand total of seven hours wants me to come back for two days.
2. My friend B, who has infinite patience, called me.
3. I got together with someone I hadn't seen in over three years, and she was clearly happy to see me.
This is three more instances of reaching out to me than I sometimes have in an entire week that I had in just one day. So why do I feel so harshly alone that it makes me cry? How many will it take for me to feel loved and wanted? Will anything ever be enough? Why can't I just be content and appreciate what I have?
2. My friend B, who has infinite patience, called me.
3. I got together with someone I hadn't seen in over three years, and she was clearly happy to see me.
This is three more instances of reaching out to me than I sometimes have in an entire week that I had in just one day. So why do I feel so harshly alone that it makes me cry? How many will it take for me to feel loved and wanted? Will anything ever be enough? Why can't I just be content and appreciate what I have?
Labels: Interactive, Overthinking, Personally, Potential Depth, Rage Against the Green, Therapizing
posted by Green at 8/14/2008 10:53:00 PM
8 Comments:
You must learn be your own best friend. Many things you've written about before clearly point to the opposite. You have to be your own best buddy. Obviously it's important to have real friends outside your own sphere too, but they can only do so much anyway.
Love yourself honey, you're all you've truly got!!! That's when you stop feeling alone.
Are you still going to yoga? Doing that kind of thing is one of the ways to reach out to yourself. Does that make sense?
Y'know, if you lived here (I know, *gasp* freaking minnesota!), I'd see you at least once a week. Then you would have had only 2 more than usual.
Just sayin', that's all. And I come and check your blog like a dozen times a day. Even when I know there isn't a new post.
So you know.
What jennie said. Even on our best days, we all feel alone, but I always got the impression you were someone with a constant party going on in your mind, and I like that we sometimes get invited.
It's been my experience that pain, physical or emotional, guides us away from something bad and towards correction. Growth hurts. My guess is that what you seek is within.
On the other hand I could be totally full of shite.
I can't answer any of the questions in your last paragraph. But I do wonder, with as insightful you are regarding children and your enjoyment of (some of) them, have you ever thought about volunteering with them? Or how about with animals?
Getting involved by volunteer work, whether it's direct contact with clients or helping organize a project/event for a non-profit has led me to meet some of the most interesting and kind people I know.
Just food for thought. (((Hugs))) of the virtual kind, not of the tit-squishing, 'oh-my-god this is so personally awkward' type.
I can relate to this post and I'm never alone (I'm a stay at home Mom to two little kiddies). My goal for 2008 was to feel content...still working on it and I've got a long way to go.
I sympathize. I also feel fundamentally inadequate most days, despite evidence to the contrary. Thank you for your post. It reminds me I am not the only one struggling with this issue.
Aw...I'm sorry, Green. *hug*
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