Team Green
**This post may make very little sense, as I've been awake since 3:27 a.m. Then again, it may be the most brilliant thing I've ever written. I make no promises in either direction.
So I was reading a blog post about having teams this morning. Not teams like, "Shit, I have to take Chandler? But he runs like a girl" teams, but Team Heidi* teams.
I used to think I had a team. Actually, I thought I had teams. But one of my teams, who I used to lean against heavily, totally crumbled. And the weird thing is, the team crumbled when I leaned against it less than I ever had before. It was like I just suggested that someday, I might think of putting my hand against the wall while I fixed my shoe and the wall freaked out and immediately fell to the ground.
Another team got his own team. And while he tries to be on my team when he sees I'm needing one, he's really truly not on it. Part of being on a team means you're always on the team. He's got his own team now; his loyalties have shifted. Like loyalties might if you were born in Boston but then moved to New York. Sox? Yankees? Which team? And then you pick the Yankees at the end. And I'm not angry about it. Sad, yes. But I understand. Everybody wants their own team.
Some friends have said they're on my team. But you know that thing everyone goes through (please tell me everyone goes through it and it's not just me) where they say "If I don't call or write, who will call or write to me?" so they stop reaching out to see who does reach out to them when they're not being reminded to do it? I feel like the people who call and write when I'm not calling or writing them are the true team players. Ummm... and embarrassingly enough, that's only like one and a half people. Which really, is not enough for me.
I've vaguely talked about this with a few friends, and tried to explain. How much it unsettles me that nobody worries if I get home late at night, or not at all. That there's nobody to hold my hand when I have to go to a doctor. That when something awesome happens and I want to turn around to share the good news, I stop myself because I realize there's nobody to get excited along with me.
The people I've shared this with claim they get it. But they don't. They've claimed they'll call to check and make sure I've gotten home late at night when I've had to run an errand in a bad area. But they don't. And that's okay - they have their own teams, and again, I get it and wasn't depending on them.
I just wish I had my own team. And not a lame team, where everyone who participates gets a trophy either. A real team, where big tough guys are moved to tears because the love of the game just overwhelms them sometimes.
*The Hills? Anyone? WTF is wrong with Heidi? Spencer should be banned from sports after the way he's treated Aud...Hei... hell, every female in the game. What on EARTH does she see in him?
So I was reading a blog post about having teams this morning. Not teams like, "Shit, I have to take Chandler? But he runs like a girl" teams, but Team Heidi* teams.
I used to think I had a team. Actually, I thought I had teams. But one of my teams, who I used to lean against heavily, totally crumbled. And the weird thing is, the team crumbled when I leaned against it less than I ever had before. It was like I just suggested that someday, I might think of putting my hand against the wall while I fixed my shoe and the wall freaked out and immediately fell to the ground.
Another team got his own team. And while he tries to be on my team when he sees I'm needing one, he's really truly not on it. Part of being on a team means you're always on the team. He's got his own team now; his loyalties have shifted. Like loyalties might if you were born in Boston but then moved to New York. Sox? Yankees? Which team? And then you pick the Yankees at the end. And I'm not angry about it. Sad, yes. But I understand. Everybody wants their own team.
Some friends have said they're on my team. But you know that thing everyone goes through (please tell me everyone goes through it and it's not just me) where they say "If I don't call or write, who will call or write to me?" so they stop reaching out to see who does reach out to them when they're not being reminded to do it? I feel like the people who call and write when I'm not calling or writing them are the true team players. Ummm... and embarrassingly enough, that's only like one and a half people. Which really, is not enough for me.
I've vaguely talked about this with a few friends, and tried to explain. How much it unsettles me that nobody worries if I get home late at night, or not at all. That there's nobody to hold my hand when I have to go to a doctor. That when something awesome happens and I want to turn around to share the good news, I stop myself because I realize there's nobody to get excited along with me.
The people I've shared this with claim they get it. But they don't. They've claimed they'll call to check and make sure I've gotten home late at night when I've had to run an errand in a bad area. But they don't. And that's okay - they have their own teams, and again, I get it and wasn't depending on them.
I just wish I had my own team. And not a lame team, where everyone who participates gets a trophy either. A real team, where big tough guys are moved to tears because the love of the game just overwhelms them sometimes.
*The Hills? Anyone? WTF is wrong with Heidi? Spencer should be banned from sports after the way he's treated Aud...Hei... hell, every female in the game. What on EARTH does she see in him?
Labels: Personally
posted by Green at 2/25/2007 05:57:00 AM
4 Comments:
I have so been there. Where everyone is no where to be found and you feel like no one cares.
People care, they just have their own lives to deal with and in my experience, everybody's life is hard somehow.
There is also the matter of team building. I feel I am still in that phase, where I call people and work to make connections, but they dont do so as much with me. I feel like I just have to chance it and make myself vulnerable first and hopefully they will follow suit. But not so vulnerable that they are scared away. It is a fine balance. But just in the last 6 months people are actually calling me when I dont call them. It was 5 years in the making (3 of them intense).
Teams are hard to build and maintain.
I have no advice, but I am in the same boat.
Hmm.... somehow this post feels familiar. Now, what I'll say about the Hills is that I want to see that Spencer boy and smack him upside the head. Not for being a jerk (that's not my problem to fix) but for being STUPID enough to act this way on camera. He must be the king of BS, that's for darn sure.
Now in regard to teams... we do have them. Both of us do. But we both want the someone whose sole job on the team is too root for us. I like the idea of "team building"... I may not be able to know when to call to make sure you've gotten home okay but I will definitely hope that your teammate comes soon. Keeping fingers and toes crossed...
I think I understand what you're saying. I agree that it takes some building. But still, it's really nice sometimes to not have to work at it, to feel like you are important enough that people will make an effort to keep you from drifting out of their lives.
I would say that I have two teams. I think that's all I can handle actually. Any more and instead of having a couple pretty darn good teams, I'd have a bunch of crappy teams.
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