Let's Talk About Sex: Hypocrosy
I don't really remember talking specifically with my father about sex. (Whoa. Two words that seem weird in the same sentence.) He was there for the sex questions that came up during dinner. I vaguely remember him telling me something helpful after I'd first gotten my period, when we were in the car headed towards the LIE, and my being surprised that he, what with being a boy and all, could be helpful about girl things such as periods. The majority of sex talks usually happened with my mother, before my father had gotten home from work - maybe that's why he wasn't involved in them. He was the parent who explained a vasectomy to me when I was 15 or 16 though. In a condo in New Hampshire, my parents and I standing near the kitchen.
I do remember sitting on the floor of the den, on the ugly green carpet, while my mother sat on the couch feeling inspired after a particularly good After-School Special, and telling me I should wait until I get married to have sex. But if I wanted to have sex before that, I should use condoms. And if I wouldn't buy them myself, I should tell her, and she'd get them for me. Thanks Mom. In hindsight, I think she should have pointed out that if I was too embarrassed to buy my own condoms then perhaps I wasn't mature enough to be having sex, but whatever. It was a good effort. She made her point. "Here's something to aim for, but if you don't make it, then just aim for this and I'll help if you need me to." Okay.
I also remember coming home from middle school and asking my mother was cum was. It was the only time I recall her ever getting flustered from a sex question. When she told me to give her a minute, she had to go look it up, I was surprised. "You don't KNOW?" I think the truth was she needed to buy time to go collect herself. What she told me was that she knew, but just wanted to make sure she was going to explain it correctly to me. Uh huh.
When I was 18, after my grandma died, my grandfather quickly hooked up with his "girlfriend" and they came from Florida to visit. We didn't like her, and not just because she wasn't my grandma and it was too soon. We had real reasons. Anyway. My grandpa and this woman were sort of living together, and my mother told them they couldn't sleep together when they came to visit. I was 18 and my brother was 20, and I think we both believed my mother said what she did because she didn't like the girlfriend.
My mother claimed it was because she had "impressionable children" living in the house, and two unmarried adults sleeping in the same bed was unacceptable for us to be seeing. Not that we'd be seeing old people in bed. Because ew. But you know. Anyway. This went on for a long time.Four or five years passed this way. My grandpa would come visiting from Florida, girlfriend in tow, and he'd sleep on the bed in the basement, while the girlfriend slept in the guest room.
At this point my brother's girlfriend would frequently come over at night after dinner, and they'd lock themselves in my brother's room to "watch movies" and she'd stay over all night. In the mornings I'd often run into her on the stairs, putting on her sneakers to sort of sneak out of our house. I say "sort of" because she wasn't really sneaking anything. My dad was already awake and in the kitchen, I saw her, my brother certainly knew she was there. They weren't fooling anybody. I think maybe my mother was trying to fool herself.
The whole thing was ridiculous. My grandpa couldn't sleep in the same room with the girlfriend he sleeps in the same room with in Florida, at our house. Because of the impressionable children. One of whom was having his own girlfriend sleep over in the same room.
I love for things to be fair. Always have. Probably why I like law so much. Had I not disliked my grandpa's girlfriend so much, I would have fought this battle. Eventually, my mother caved and let my grandpa and his girlfriend both sleep in the study. I think it was after my grandpa was having a hard time with the basement stairs.
Unfortunately, my mother accidentally sent the wrong message. She meant for the adults to be leading by example, or some shit like that. All that I learned was that when you don't like someone, it's kind of okay to do dicky things to them. Which, if I think about how the world works, kind of does seem accurate, though unfair. I also learned that my mother can be a bitch. I mean, I felt like she was a bitch to me many times before that, but I'd been taught not to believe my interpretation of situations involving me, and this was one that didn't involve me that I felt I was seeing clearly.
Are you wondering where I'm going with this? I know I am. My point is, my parents tried to be honest about sex and relationships. But even when you try, you can still miss.
I do remember sitting on the floor of the den, on the ugly green carpet, while my mother sat on the couch feeling inspired after a particularly good After-School Special, and telling me I should wait until I get married to have sex. But if I wanted to have sex before that, I should use condoms. And if I wouldn't buy them myself, I should tell her, and she'd get them for me. Thanks Mom. In hindsight, I think she should have pointed out that if I was too embarrassed to buy my own condoms then perhaps I wasn't mature enough to be having sex, but whatever. It was a good effort. She made her point. "Here's something to aim for, but if you don't make it, then just aim for this and I'll help if you need me to." Okay.
I also remember coming home from middle school and asking my mother was cum was. It was the only time I recall her ever getting flustered from a sex question. When she told me to give her a minute, she had to go look it up, I was surprised. "You don't KNOW?" I think the truth was she needed to buy time to go collect herself. What she told me was that she knew, but just wanted to make sure she was going to explain it correctly to me. Uh huh.
When I was 18, after my grandma died, my grandfather quickly hooked up with his "girlfriend" and they came from Florida to visit. We didn't like her, and not just because she wasn't my grandma and it was too soon. We had real reasons. Anyway. My grandpa and this woman were sort of living together, and my mother told them they couldn't sleep together when they came to visit. I was 18 and my brother was 20, and I think we both believed my mother said what she did because she didn't like the girlfriend.
My mother claimed it was because she had "impressionable children" living in the house, and two unmarried adults sleeping in the same bed was unacceptable for us to be seeing. Not that we'd be seeing old people in bed. Because ew. But you know. Anyway. This went on for a long time.Four or five years passed this way. My grandpa would come visiting from Florida, girlfriend in tow, and he'd sleep on the bed in the basement, while the girlfriend slept in the guest room.
At this point my brother's girlfriend would frequently come over at night after dinner, and they'd lock themselves in my brother's room to "watch movies" and she'd stay over all night. In the mornings I'd often run into her on the stairs, putting on her sneakers to sort of sneak out of our house. I say "sort of" because she wasn't really sneaking anything. My dad was already awake and in the kitchen, I saw her, my brother certainly knew she was there. They weren't fooling anybody. I think maybe my mother was trying to fool herself.
The whole thing was ridiculous. My grandpa couldn't sleep in the same room with the girlfriend he sleeps in the same room with in Florida, at our house. Because of the impressionable children. One of whom was having his own girlfriend sleep over in the same room.
I love for things to be fair. Always have. Probably why I like law so much. Had I not disliked my grandpa's girlfriend so much, I would have fought this battle. Eventually, my mother caved and let my grandpa and his girlfriend both sleep in the study. I think it was after my grandpa was having a hard time with the basement stairs.
Unfortunately, my mother accidentally sent the wrong message. She meant for the adults to be leading by example, or some shit like that. All that I learned was that when you don't like someone, it's kind of okay to do dicky things to them. Which, if I think about how the world works, kind of does seem accurate, though unfair. I also learned that my mother can be a bitch. I mean, I felt like she was a bitch to me many times before that, but I'd been taught not to believe my interpretation of situations involving me, and this was one that didn't involve me that I felt I was seeing clearly.
Are you wondering where I'm going with this? I know I am. My point is, my parents tried to be honest about sex and relationships. But even when you try, you can still miss.
Labels: Sex
posted by Green at 2/18/2007 09:02:00 AM
3 Comments:
Sometimes it's better to step up to the plateand srike out than to never try. It sounds like your parents tried.
Yeah Green, I am going to give the Parents props for this. Not only did Mom try, so did Dad. I commend them on their progressive stance on safe sex. When they were growing up copulation didn't come with the warning label it did by the time we were doing it. I am glad I paid attention myself, because if it'd been up to my Mom I mightn't hve the fortunate health I have today.
It sounds like your Mom just wanted to protect you and GoldenBoy, which, I think, is a mothers first instinct when it comes to her children. She was having issues with her own parents, which you can certainly understand.
Lastly, I will add that I am glad you have this to blog about and not memories of hearing your grandpa and his girlfriend having sex. That could be far more disturbing =)
I don't remember discussing sex w/my parents, but I do have lots of memories of getting on the LIE.
Post a Comment
<< Home