The Wicked Witch of San Francisco

When I was a little girl, my mother let me believe I did the greatest imitation of the cackle done by the Wicked Witch in the Wizard of Oz. I can see myself standing by our ugly wooden basement door, cackling over and over, while wearing the green coruroy pants with the green velour too-tight turtleneck that were hand-me-downs from a family friend. (Yes, it's been a lifelong love of green for me.) I stopped doing that witch cackle by the time I was a double-digit age. LEL cackles when she makes her bad jokes. It makes me cringe.

This morning LEL tried to transfer a call, I think to Cowboy's voicemail, and accidentally made my intercom line ring. I looked over at her. "Loose?" What the fuck?

"Just ignore it please, Green." So I ignored the annoying ringing at my desk for 30 seconds. Then she asked me to transfer the call back to her. Obviously she didn't know how to suck the call back herself. Fine. I transferred the call back to LEL, happy to stop the noise at my desk.

LEL asked me again to transfer the call back to her. "I just did. I heard it ring at your desk." She shook her head, earlobes a'flapping, traveling almost halfway down her jawline. "No. You didn't."

Ahhhh yes. I'm familiar with this one - you can't figure out how to answer one ringing line while you're on another line, so you claim that *I'm* the one who screwed up. Your problems are my fault. Got it. I turned back to my work. LEL frantically pushed buttons on her phone, headset (that Cowboy hates) sliding all over her dyed hair, trying to get the person back. I feel it's time for her soda to spill at this point, so I glance over to see how close it is to the phone.

This is real life though, and not a story, and the glass of soda stays upright for now. Having overheard our exchange, Cat Lady sends me an e-mail.

-----Original Message-----
From: Lady, Cat
Sent: Tuesday, October 31, 2006 9:33 AM
To: Yogurt, Green
Subject: You're wrong

you've always been wrong; you'll always be wrong. This is a decree of LEL.
-----Original Message-----
From: Yogurt, Green
Sent: Tuesday, October 31, 2006 9:34 AM
To: Lady, Cat
Subject: RE: You're wrong

lol, yeah, I know.
-----Original Message-----
From: Lady, Cat
Sent: Tuesday, October 31, 2006 9:35 AM
To: Yogurt, Green
Subject: You're wrong

It takes a lot of ignorance to make such a statement. And since you are wrong, in the future I would throw her words back in her face when she wants you to do something.
How long do you think it will take for her to spill her drink today?

I didn't respond, but I predict there'll be a spill before the day ends. Every secretary has a mini pumpkin on her/his desk today for Halloween, courtesy of the Social Committee. This encroaches on the space for LEL's candy, and her Halloween beanie babies. Something's got to give, and I believe it will be the soda.