Sixth Grade Flashbacks
It's not that I want to stop earning money. It's not that I don't like the guys I work for. It's not that I want to attempt to try to get someone else to hire me.
It's just that I just don't want to be in sixth grade again. I was miserable in sixth grade when I was ten and eleven years old, and I'm miserable being back there now, in my twenties. In sixth grade I had no friends. Every day in the lunchroom I had to argue and fight my way into being allowed to sit at somebody's table, since we weren't allowed to skip lunch. On the first day of our music class when I sat on one side of the room, everyone else in the class sat on the other side and for the rest of the year I sat by myself. I cringed any time one of our assignments involved being part of a team or having a partner. I checked my seat each time before I sat down, and removed tacks, clay, mud and signs saying mean things. Nobody ever talked to me except to say hurtful things to me. At one point things got so bad that my teacher created some random errand for me to do that involved going to the front office so she could give the entire class a talk about how they had to be nice to me. On picture day there was a huge standoff because nobody in the class would agree to sit next to me. I could go on and on, but I think you get the idea.
The woman who sits next to me (Loose Earlobe Lady/LEL) at work is recreating sixth grade to the best of her abilities. She is making me miserable. Most of the time I feel very far away from the person I had to be growing up. Since the day I started work the HR guy and the two partners I work for have encouraged me to ask LEL any questions I may have or for any help I may need. Any time I go to ask her anything, she sighs dramatically, rolls her eyes, and in general makes it clear that she's annoyed and disgusted that I'm talking to her.
It's brought me right back to the person I was in sixth grade. I'm quiet, I'm introverted. I'm surprised when people are nice to me. The other day I asked someone how a task gets done, and she happily explained it to me, asking a couple of times if I had any questions, encouraging me to come back if I thought of anything else or had any problems. I was very sad when I realized that my first thought was "I wonder why she's being so nice to me" - I forgot that most people are not like LEL anymore. I forgot that most people grow out of acting like sixth graders.
Tonight I stayed a little late at work because something came up that I needed to deal with. I filled in the associate who sits across from me on what happened. He suggested that I go one step further than I had, and instead of waiting until tomorrow to tell my boss what had happened, I leave him a voice mail right then. I called the Cowboy and left him a voice mail. When I went back to thank the associate for his advice, I told him that he reminds me of my dad, in that his work advice is always right. He got a little embarrassed and apologized for being fatherly or butting in. He said he didn't mean to be stepping on my toes or telling me how to do my job. I assured him that I saw it as a good thing, and greatly appreciated his advice. He told me he'd made some mistakes when he first started working here and wanted to pass on what he learned.
It is very touching to me that there's someone quietly watching out for me, keeping me from accidentally getting on the Cowboy's Shit List. It almost makes me not mind Loose Earlobe Lady. Almost.
It's just that I just don't want to be in sixth grade again. I was miserable in sixth grade when I was ten and eleven years old, and I'm miserable being back there now, in my twenties. In sixth grade I had no friends. Every day in the lunchroom I had to argue and fight my way into being allowed to sit at somebody's table, since we weren't allowed to skip lunch. On the first day of our music class when I sat on one side of the room, everyone else in the class sat on the other side and for the rest of the year I sat by myself. I cringed any time one of our assignments involved being part of a team or having a partner. I checked my seat each time before I sat down, and removed tacks, clay, mud and signs saying mean things. Nobody ever talked to me except to say hurtful things to me. At one point things got so bad that my teacher created some random errand for me to do that involved going to the front office so she could give the entire class a talk about how they had to be nice to me. On picture day there was a huge standoff because nobody in the class would agree to sit next to me. I could go on and on, but I think you get the idea.
The woman who sits next to me (Loose Earlobe Lady/LEL) at work is recreating sixth grade to the best of her abilities. She is making me miserable. Most of the time I feel very far away from the person I had to be growing up. Since the day I started work the HR guy and the two partners I work for have encouraged me to ask LEL any questions I may have or for any help I may need. Any time I go to ask her anything, she sighs dramatically, rolls her eyes, and in general makes it clear that she's annoyed and disgusted that I'm talking to her.
It's brought me right back to the person I was in sixth grade. I'm quiet, I'm introverted. I'm surprised when people are nice to me. The other day I asked someone how a task gets done, and she happily explained it to me, asking a couple of times if I had any questions, encouraging me to come back if I thought of anything else or had any problems. I was very sad when I realized that my first thought was "I wonder why she's being so nice to me" - I forgot that most people are not like LEL anymore. I forgot that most people grow out of acting like sixth graders.
Tonight I stayed a little late at work because something came up that I needed to deal with. I filled in the associate who sits across from me on what happened. He suggested that I go one step further than I had, and instead of waiting until tomorrow to tell my boss what had happened, I leave him a voice mail right then. I called the Cowboy and left him a voice mail. When I went back to thank the associate for his advice, I told him that he reminds me of my dad, in that his work advice is always right. He got a little embarrassed and apologized for being fatherly or butting in. He said he didn't mean to be stepping on my toes or telling me how to do my job. I assured him that I saw it as a good thing, and greatly appreciated his advice. He told me he'd made some mistakes when he first started working here and wanted to pass on what he learned.
It is very touching to me that there's someone quietly watching out for me, keeping me from accidentally getting on the Cowboy's Shit List. It almost makes me not mind Loose Earlobe Lady. Almost.
posted by Green at 10/06/2005 06:18:00 PM
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