Shall We Take Bets?

On how soon I'll be getting fired? The problem with me keeping jobs is people meet me and always think I'm smart. Because they think I'm smart, more difficult things are expected of me. What they don't know is that I have learning disabilities* and although I smile and nod knowingly, a lot of times I have no understanding of what the hell people are talking about.

In regular life that's not too big a deal. But in work situations when people expect a certain level of performance from me and then I can't deliver, they just think I'm lazy or unmotivated or something.

Today one of the guys I work for asked me to do something. He started to explain exactly what he wanted, and then stopped himself by saying "Well you're smart - you'll figure it out." Umm, Dick? Actually, no. No, I won't figure it out. What *will* happen is that I'll do the smile and nod thing, go back to my desk and stare at the papers you gave me and stare at the computer, realize I need to cry, go stand outside of the building crying to a member of my family who won't know what to say to me, at which point I'll go back in and give it all to Word Processing to do for me. When you come to me asking why I gave the project to them for completion, I will vaguely wave at papers on my desk (that I keep there for this exact purpose) indicating that I've become swamped with an urgent task that takes precedent over yours.

Fuck. I really need to get on that winning the lottery project. But of course it's me, so I'd fuck that up somehow too.

*No, I'm not protected under the ADA - that's more for permanent physical disabilities, or temporary mental disabilites. Life's a bitch. Then I get fired.