The Intellectual Hipster

I work with a 24 year-old girl we'll call the Intellectual Hipster (IH). She is smart. If you ask her if she's a hipster, she will smile shyly and look away. She is very impressed with herself. She works as a legal secretary to "get an idea of what it's like to work in a law firm" before going to law school. She spent a semester in Paris during college, and now says "When I was in Paris..." even more than I say "When I lived in Florida..." and I lived there for FOUR YEARS!

She is vegan, rides her track bike everywhere, recycles her tampons, doesn't dry her hands after washing them so as to not waste any paper ... you get the idea. IH volunteers to distribute reading material on Tibetan culture to prisoners. She claims to never eat anything that she can't see nutritional value in. When the man who empties garbages comes around at 5:30pm, IH always speaks in her phonily perky Spanish to him. She never goes to lunch on time or leaves at the end of the day on time in order to imply to everyone who might be paying attention that she is just so busy and just so important and just so dedicated to the job that she can't possibly find a way to finish at 5pm. She likes to think she's perfect.

IH never wears a watch and is never on time. Ever. For anything. Including work. She is a klutz, and forever trips. She falls over on her bike about once every two weeks. Any time someone does something IH thinks is dumb, she uses the phrase "It just boggles my mind as to how you could possibly..." She argues with the attorneys we work for. Her boyfriend (a bike messenger) works in the same building we do, and any time IH wants him to do something like bring her lunch, she reminds him that she does all the dishes at home.

It's going to be a long fall off that pedestal.

Today I am Sad

I just moved to SF from Florida this past summer. My grandpa still lives in Florida. Today my parents flew into Florida from New York, and my brother flew to Florida from SF, all for a week-long family vacation.

And I am not there.

Attention Storypeople!

I love, love, LOVE StoryPeople.

Now if they would just create some Hanukah cards I'd love them even more.

Holiday Spirit?

We are now thoroughly in the middle of the holiday season. Hanukah has started, Christmas is coming, and snow is being talked about.

At work there is a Christmas tree in the lobby. Nine people work at this law firm. One partner, one associate and one secretary are Jewish. The (Catholic) file clerk took it upon himself to sit down with blue paper, a ruler and scissors, and create a Star of David to put on top of the Christmas tree, all on his lunch hour.

One of the partners ordered "fancy turkeys" to give to people. The vegetarian said she would donate hers to a shelter. The partner gave her a talking to, saying these turkeys are not the type to just be donated (???), and now the vegetarian will be giving it to her mother instead. This partner is the epitome of holiday spirit! NOT.

What are we eating?

Since recently moving from the East Coast to the West Coast, I have noticed some major differences in my eating habits from the people around me.

People in SF seem proud to call themselves food snobs. People in SF like to brag about being open minded enough to be vegetarian or vegan. I am neither.

Meat is my friend. Dairy is my friend. I would buy more organic foods if only they lasted longer. Going shopping every two to three days is not my idea of productive, therefore organic is not practical, unless I am sure I can eat the organic food within one to three days of buying it, which I am not.

Aside from all that, I am a Very. Picky. Eater. And that does not even begin to adequately describe how very picky I am. You do not want to invite me over for dinner if you take pride in your cooking (unless you are cooking baked ziti, lasagna, or chicken). Nothing rude would be said, but your feelings might be hurt when I don't eat your main dish of salmon roasted in carrot sauce served on a bed of asparagus topped with mint jelly.

Here are some highlights of the extent of my pickiness:

I like ice water without lemon. Lemon ruins the pureness of water. If you want a drink so fancy that it involves lemon, then water is not the drink for you.
Salad dressing ruins salad. The only lettuce I like is iceberg.
I have not eaten ravioli since arriving in SF because I cannot find Celentano here and that's the only kind I have eaten and liked in my life.
I have been known to cry in fancy restaurants due to not being able to find anything on the menu plain enough for me to eat. By the way, while we're on the topic of fancy restaurants: TURN UP THE LIGHTS! Candles are not enough. If the purpose of going out to eat is to relax, then why are you forcing me to squint in order to read the menu?
I love filet mignon. If you put onions and mushrooms over it, that was me glaring at you, wondering why you ruined a perfectly good steak.
Spices are not my friend.

I can eat the same foods for breakfast and lunch each day without getting sick of them. For example:
Breakfast: peanut butter and jelly sandwich
Lunch: yogurt with crackers
Duration: Five months

My name is Green, and I like simple, plain foods.