Involved
Tunafish is on a reduced hours schedule. That means that he is not required / expected by the firm to put in as many hours as some of the other associates. Why? Because he wants to be able to spend time with his family. He's married with two little kids. Tuna is very clearly a guy who works to live, not a guy who lives to work. It's obvious in the way he calls his daughter each afternoon, to find out how preschool went. It's obvious when he dashes out for a long lunch, to go watch a kiddie ballet recital.
I don't know if this means Tuna is not on the partner track, or he is, but it will take longer for him to get there than it will take others who bill more hours.
Nice Partner has a few young children himself. He gets to the office around 8 a.m. each day and usually leaves after I do, save for one day a week when he leaves at 5 p.m. Nice Partner never talks to his kids during the workday. It's very clear to me that he loves his kids. Yet I can't see him being an "involved" father the way Tuna is. They both have kids around the same age. They both recently had their kids in the office. Tuna stopped working for the most part, and colored with his daughter and played ball with the baby. Nice Partner kept working, and tried to encourage his kid to entertain himself.
Today Tuna, Cowboy and Other Partner were working hard to get a brief filed. (You know you've been in the legal industry a long time when you don't feel the urge to make jokes about the word 'brief'.) According to Tuna, last night he was in the office until 11 p.m, and Other Partner was there until 2 a.m. Then OP returned to the office at 5:30 a.m. Tuna billed 12 hours yesterday.
We were chatting after the brief was filed, and Tuna told me he doesn't know how some people do it. How they can justify spending so much time away from their kids. I shrugged. "You do what you have to in order to get the job done. You prioritize." Tuna pointed at the top of his desk, where there are pictures of a little girl in pigtails and a beach hat, and a baby crawling and happily being held. "These are my priorities."
I don't think the dads who get home at night after their kids are asleep and leave before their kids wake up love their kids any less than the more involved dads, the Tuna-style dads. I think they just show their love differently. Some show it by providing financially, and some show it by showing up.
Of course, Tuna is providing financially. It's not like he's saying "BabyTuna, if you had a dance recital, I would be there because I make the time for you. It's because I make the time for you that we can't afford to send you to dance classes." The Tuna Family is doing quite well. The Tuna Kids will get to take whatever classes they want. Maybe they just won't have a dad who's a partner in a law firm as soon as some of their friends will.
I don't really have a point to all this. It was just an interesting conversation to be having at work. Sorry if that's not translating here.
P.S. I have fond memories of going to work with my dad on Saturday mornings as a little kid, bringing my yellow Mr. Math with me for entertainment.
I don't know if this means Tuna is not on the partner track, or he is, but it will take longer for him to get there than it will take others who bill more hours.
Nice Partner has a few young children himself. He gets to the office around 8 a.m. each day and usually leaves after I do, save for one day a week when he leaves at 5 p.m. Nice Partner never talks to his kids during the workday. It's very clear to me that he loves his kids. Yet I can't see him being an "involved" father the way Tuna is. They both have kids around the same age. They both recently had their kids in the office. Tuna stopped working for the most part, and colored with his daughter and played ball with the baby. Nice Partner kept working, and tried to encourage his kid to entertain himself.
Today Tuna, Cowboy and Other Partner were working hard to get a brief filed. (You know you've been in the legal industry a long time when you don't feel the urge to make jokes about the word 'brief'.) According to Tuna, last night he was in the office until 11 p.m, and Other Partner was there until 2 a.m. Then OP returned to the office at 5:30 a.m. Tuna billed 12 hours yesterday.
We were chatting after the brief was filed, and Tuna told me he doesn't know how some people do it. How they can justify spending so much time away from their kids. I shrugged. "You do what you have to in order to get the job done. You prioritize." Tuna pointed at the top of his desk, where there are pictures of a little girl in pigtails and a beach hat, and a baby crawling and happily being held. "These are my priorities."
I don't think the dads who get home at night after their kids are asleep and leave before their kids wake up love their kids any less than the more involved dads, the Tuna-style dads. I think they just show their love differently. Some show it by providing financially, and some show it by showing up.
Of course, Tuna is providing financially. It's not like he's saying "BabyTuna, if you had a dance recital, I would be there because I make the time for you. It's because I make the time for you that we can't afford to send you to dance classes." The Tuna Family is doing quite well. The Tuna Kids will get to take whatever classes they want. Maybe they just won't have a dad who's a partner in a law firm as soon as some of their friends will.
I don't really have a point to all this. It was just an interesting conversation to be having at work. Sorry if that's not translating here.
P.S. I have fond memories of going to work with my dad on Saturday mornings as a little kid, bringing my yellow Mr. Math with me for entertainment.
posted by Green at 9/07/2006 10:13:00 PM
5 Comments:
One thing my boyfriend and I have spent a lot of time discussing over the last few years in choosing the direction we take our careers and which jobs we accept is the balance of home/family and income/career. We aren't parents yet, but like Tuna, we first will make sure we have time for the people and activities we love, then worry about paying the bills.
But then, neither of us is all that ambitious professionally and we live relatively simply. We just want jobs that will not make us miserable, but will still give us cash to live and play. And like I said, we're not parents yet.
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I think it's important as a form of guilt insurance. When the kid grows up to worship Charles Manson and is caught trying to find Gerald Ford's hospital room to "finish the job", uninvolved dad will have enormous guilt and "If only"ies to deal with. Involved dad can shrug his shoulders and say "I gave it my best shot, she takes after her mom"
I don't plan to return to litigation while my children are young (if ever) because it would kill me to see so little of them. I hope the other partner's wife is able to spend a lot of time with the kids. I personally think that at least one parent should have a low-key career for the kids' sake (e.g., when they're too sick to go to school, a parent should be able to stay with them).
I knew a couple of male associates who, like Tuna, insisted on getting out of the office at a reasonable time to see their kids, and one of them was castigated for that in his review. Sigh.
We used to jokingly call W's firm "The Firm" when he was interviewing because they insisted on meeting me and wooing me and telling me how family friendly they were (we weren't even married yet.) Almost four years later, I'm not quite as bitter as Tom Cruise's wife, but I do feel a little duped. W probably spends more time at home than any other associate, he's home to put the kids to bed every night, and has yet to miss a dr.'s appt. And he still billed 240 hours last month. This job doesn't make it easy on you if you want to know your kids, that's for sure.
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