I Have No Words
My parents were told about my blog. They've seen it.
posted by Green at 2/28/2006 07:56:00 AM
 |
||
|
|
About Me
I'm green. I'm yogurty. I'm awesome. You can find me on Twitter at GreenYogurt. Previous Posts
|
|
32 Comments:
Oh.
Is this a bad thing? Or just a weird thing? Or a thing whose ultimate ramifications are as yet unknown?
Blogging is risky, ya. There is no really secret blog. There is only not caring if people know "the real you" and telling folks "If you choose to read, you get what you pay for" and "I'm allowed to say what I think and think what I want" and other defiant crap like that which doesn't get you over the cringing fear, but can help you stand up to accusations.
Good luck.
if you live the truth-the worst you can be left with is yourself. if you write the truth...just own it.
I'm sorry to hear that. I would say to your family - and I am saying if they see this - that in many ways an anonymous blog is a lot like a journal or diary, and it is meant to be an area to vent or otherwise record the thoughts you were having at any given moment, while still feeling a connection with other people. It's unfortunate if GY is now feeling judged for that.
you are a brilliant thinker, talented writer, most definitely a survivor and a speaker of the truth
the thing you were before all of these was their Daughter
I hope they are able to see clearly all of these things for what they are, and their place in the big picture.
My prayer for you is more words.
I'm sorry you had to get outed this way. I can understand their being hurt, but this blog is about your thoughts and feelings, it's not about them. Remind them that this is an anonymous blog, and no one knows who the heck they are.
And If you don't mind me saying, CG is a vindictive B!tch for doing this to you.
catherine
Ru-Roh
Ohhhhh, no. I can't imagine what you must be feeling, but my heart sank when I read your entry. I have so many thoughts, and want to say everything will be okay, but mostly, I just want to give you a comforting hug.
DUCK AND COVER!!
Have they read the postings BEFORE you took over from that other person? I hope they don't think YOU wrote them.
We all like you better than that other person anyway.
Best of luck, breathe, meditate
Do you have no words at all, or do you have no words that you want to post since there is now a real possibility that your parents (or others who know who you are) may read them?
Or are you just like SOOOO grounded man
Dear Mr. and Mrs. Yogurt,
My congratulations on raising a fine and talented daughter, someone who is obviously a good and decent person, and also entertaining. I hope you enjoy this blog as much as her readers do.
Sincerely,
GreenReader
Don't forget when your site was attacked my the "Good parents" virus that deleted all the wonderful things said about parents. I always thought you were a little over the top on the praise of your parents.
I'm with Catherine. Yup.
And I am *terribly* disappointed by GB. Just so disappointed.
I appreciate the encouragement to keep writing, the understanding of what a difficult situation this is, the questions and deep thoughts, the humor by Steve, all of it. To Anon 2, family was informed by family. To Anon 4, I'm having trouble thinking of any words, and thinking of any words that won't hurt people I've already hurt by having this blog.
You are so very inside yourself.
Get out! smell the flowers. Think happy thoughts.
In case nobody ever told you,here are some life life maxims to keep you safe.
Nobody trusts a gossip! So,
simply state your opinions about things or yourself.
" If you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything!" - or reword it!
About other people, NEVER, EVER put it in writing.
Here's a new one for you. Blogs are only anonymous until someone finds out who you are. More than one someone will. Then you have to live with it.
too bad, so sad ...
Didn't you know that it is not always or only about you?
Good luck in dealing with it. I hope your family can come to understand that a blog, like group therapy, isn't meant to hurt them, but to let you let things out (and possibly find others who understand what's going on in your head) that may hurt you if held inside.
I think going forward there should be an agreement. They will not read your blog, respecting your privacy, just as they would not pick up and read a diary, and you will continue to vent here rather than letting stuff build then feeling bad. Or, they will read, and you will blog only about non-family stuff so that they feel their privacy is intact and vent about family to your friends only.
Really, if they are hurt by past posts, there is nothing to do but apologize and explain where you were coming from as you did with CG. This is tough, but it doesn't necessarily have to be a bad thing. It could be an opportunity to address important issues previously dismissed.
But please don't stop blogging altogether. I've never met you, but I'd miss you.
Hey greenyogurt -
Been lurking for a while, gpt pointed here from a particualr no-longer-a-lawyer in NYC.
I just wanted to give you encouragement that nameless numbers on a stat counter can't give you; I wanted to let you know you have a good read going on; and I wanted to let you know that you are one of my daily stops when cruising the 'net.
Keep a stiff upper lip!
If you have ever been in group therapy you will understand and may be able to explain to "Amanda" that what is expressed during that time, in that place, stays there. Not necessarily true for blogs!
Is "Brandi" sufficiently involved with all the other members of your family that she could possibly really know how close they are with each other and how much they share their thoughts and feelings? Could she truly comprehend the strength of the bond between all of you or the totalness of the trust you shared until recently that has been shattered? Does her disappointment come with an offer of assistance and the means to attempt to put back together the seemingly irrevocable hurt and damage? Does she come from a family as strong and closely knit as yours was until recently so she could really know the completeness of this devastating loss of trust down to the depths of her being? Green, be careful. Watch out that your current misery does not serve as a means to decrease hers, that she has no vested interest in not helping you or preventing you from repairing real relationships with those you love,who mean the utmost to you, who love and without a doubt have extended themselves far beyond all reasonable limits on your behalf all through your life.
I wish you the best of luck with your efforts and a swift return to peace, love and trust within your family. Then your joy will return.
I am so sick and tired of hearing all this whining and complaining. GY, you need to sta!nd up, set some boundaries for yourself and stay on your dime, period! Family is very important, no doubt, but the people that are closest to you, hurt you the most (especially when blood related). You are a push over, and people pleaser. How do you expect to be happy when you're always putting other people first??? If this blog makes you happy, continue to blog. If your family has a problem with it, you can tell them that they don't have to read it. Those are your feelings and your feelings are valid. Grow a back bone!!!!! I say all this in the most loving way...
"Anonymous", I am well aware of what group therapy is, thank you. Revealing the identity of a blogger should be the blogger's decision. Unlike group therapy, there is an archive of previous "sessions." However, I think, like group therapy, barging in uninvited on a family member's session and revealing details and inviting other family members is more of a violation of trust than anything revealed by a patient in therapy.
Since, at least to me, everyone involved is still very anonymous, I don't know how close the family really is, what their history is, what green wrote that was particularly hurtful, or how much damage was actually done. Obviously, though, green felt that there were some things personal to her that she couldn't share with them. That is not unreasonable, no matter how "close" they are or how much they "share their thoughts and feelings." Sometimes it's easier to talk to strangers because they're less likely to judge, throw it back in your face later, or try to make it about themselves.
If green told her family about her blog, fine, she's gotta take her lumps. If her family (the people who love her) snooped and blabbed to everyone about her "anonymous" blog, they should be too ashamed to face her, let alone criticize her.
I agree with Amanda 100% - group therapy is a very good analogy. GY - hope you're doing ok. Obviously the decision whether or not to continue is a very personal one, but I think that you would be missed.
Nicely said, Amanda and Jen.
And, "Anonymous" person who thinks they have any bloody clue about "my" life from possibly hearing snippets here and there... Don't think that you know anything about "me" or my life, because I am SURE that you do not. Absolutely positive, in fact. I'm not even sure that you know the person you are trying to comment to anymore, especially considering that "I" do have a vested interest in Green's happiness. She is one of my closest and most-treasured friends. Close relationships are, most certainly, real relationships even if there are no blood ties.
BTW and for the record: I am, personally and in MY opinon, disappointed in GB because he is a completely whipped, cow-towing baby who went crying to mommy and daddy instead of actually dealing with his sister on a real level and being a man, as well as a brother. Laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaame.
Wow. That anonymous post sounds like the kind of thing cults tell people. Nobody will ever love you like us. You'll never find happiness without us. You are nothing unless you are a part of us. Freaky and misguided. It smacks of the kind of isolation that abusive people impose on their victims.
I think that GY made a grave mistake by using her brother's computer to blog and then not covering her tracks, but the shattering of trust lies solely on her brother, for betraying her confidence to her parents. He knew exactly what the results would be, unless he is completely delusional. She's fortunate that she has real relationships with people who love her without condition, who accept and understand that the frustrations of relationships sometimes need to be exposed and deconstructed in order to be addressed. She's owed an apology, and she's owed respect and the right to her own story.
Green, I am so sorry you are going through this. I think you are dealing with this courageously and - in complete character - with total honesty.
I don't think "anonymous" is right (both of them above - I can't tell whether they're the same person). I think that for every one of us, it is "always and only about us." You alone are touched by your inner world, by those you care about and by what you experience, and that is what you live and feel. And so that is what you write about. You have written about your feelings, which are the central part of your world. You own them. You have the right to express and share and process them in the way that is right to you. You have always been careful not to name real names, or to disclose any information that is "owned" by others. And while it may be painful for others to know how you feel about things (or about them), no one has the right to tell you how to feel, or how to deal with your feelings. If they wish you felt differently, let them take the initiative to open up communications -- not try to get you to change what you feel.
I don't think anything is served by "anonymous" calling your friendships into question or questioning your friends' motives. It seems ironic for "anonymous" to talk about a "devastating loss of trust," when all you have done is to be honest (albeit brutally so). Honesty breedstrust. Honesty strengthens trust. If someone says that your candor has broken down their trust, then I think they have the wrong idea about what trust means. Trust shouldn't mean "I trust you not to break my bubble by revealing your inner feelings and confusing me with the facts"; it should mean "I trust you to be who you are and I accept you for who you are." In that sense, you seem to be as trustworthy a person as I have ever met.
Hang in there. I know this must be very painful. But when the pain subsides - and that will happen faster than you think - I believe you will be stronger and happier.
For the above anonymous 7:36
Professional therapy is expensive, and I don't think GY is exactly rolling in money. GY Has a lot of pain inside her that she needs to get out. She does that by writing eloquent, funny, and sometimes heartwrenching stories about her life.
Writing a blog helps her with feedback, and that people are actually wanting to hear what she wants to say.
I read all her archives when I found her site through Mel, And one must have a very cold heart not to be moved by what shes gone through.
Some of the postings that may have been offensive to her family, were not meant for their eyes. I took it as a rant about injustice, not her saying she loved them any less. If they choose to cherry pick all the offensive posts, and ignore the painful, touching stories, thats up to them. They are the ones missing out.
She writes her posts anonymously and if it weren't for snoopy people, no one would know she was the author. We could pass on the street, and not know who each other was.
GY, I thoroughy enjoy your blog. I look every day to see if you have posted. Please don't give up.
Thank you for giving us this glimpse into your heart. You are a good person who deserves more.
Hugs~~
catherine
For someone with no words to speak, you sure got a lot to listen to. Choose wisely!
GY
Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke. Seriously, hasn't your mother been way too honest with you? Does she not see the hurt? Whatever you've said here probably should have been said a long time ago.
Keep up the good work. You are an inspiration to others.
Caryn
I disagree that one must only speak in pleasantries. Where would the whistleblowers be, where would the civil rights movements be, if no one were allowed to speak anything but "nice" things? Also, we'd all be seething with rage. We do need to vent and to express our opinions and feelings.
Having said that, the best course of action is to say nothing you wouldn't own. I have myself written things on the internet which could get people upset if they encountered them, but I could and would stand by those words. I had good reasons for writing them: I needed feedback on my own actions, and I needed advice on difficult situations, and I got what I sought.
If I could be in charge of this situation, I would tell GY's parents to show her some unconditional love at this time. Tell her that you disagree, but that you still love her, and if you're really upset reading the comments and blog, stop reading it. Delete the bookmark. It's highly unlikely any of your friends or neighbors will ever know that this one nonfamous blog is your daughter's. In the world of daughterly misconduct, this is a misdemeanor if anything. If stepping out of line this tiny little smidgen is enough to irreparably break the familial bonds, then those bonds were overly fragile.
And as for Brandi: I know Brandi. She is a dear friend of mine whom I've known for several years. She has no ulterior motive here; she doesn't build herself up at someone else's expense. She's a supportive friend.
Thanks, Carole. And right back atcha. :)
Honestly, reading through these comments has been so awesome. I am so glad that there are so many diverse opinons being thrown out here and I am glad that GY has lots to think on.
And, Patti... You *rule*.
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Post a Comment
<< Home