$2.10

That's how much a hot chocolate costs at the Starbucks across from my house. To get it, all I have to do is get dressed, grab a magazine, a handful of change from my change jar and my keys and walk across the street. Then I can read, sip my hot chocolate and people watch for two hours. Doing that will help me to not be depressed. Why doing that is SO FUCKING HARD is beyond me. Why it is 5:08pm and I am still wearing what I wore to sleep last night is beyond me. Why I know specific things to do to NOT be depressed and NOT hate myself, yet can't bring myself to do them is beyond me.

Even though I really need to be saving money these days and don't like the idea of wasting $2.10, I made the decision that it's okay to spend that much on myself if that's what it takes to keep me sane and out of therapy and from being miserable.

Today I hate myself. And it would only cost $2.10 not to.