Snapshots of an Employment Agreement
You will see many things that are wrong. None of them are errors on my part. I am typing exactly what was given to me. Because this is too jaw-droppingly shocking not to share with you guys, especially after all the encouragement you've given me.
Duties: ...You will be asked to make observations on what files can be put away, and periodically ask what other items can be put away. That is one hell of a clunky sentence, am I right? I had to clarify with the lawyer exactly what he meant by the second half. Turns out if I see a random box or a pile of papers, I'm to investigate and overall am in charge of keeping the sunken living room looking nice and orderly.
...We may assign you new or different duties from time to time. Additional duties may be stated in the job manual to employees (I do not have one of these) but to the extent that manual differs from this letter, this letter will control. Will be stated in the manual we will provide to you and a job description when you begin your employment with us. Um, okay? I had to go through this agreement with him today, and it took so much to hold back from saying, "Dude. What the fuck?"
Hours of Employment: 8 hours per day, with sometimes-flexible lunch scheduling between 8:30 am and 5:30 weekdays (with the proviso that you and our office manager f coordinate your lunch schedules so that there is full coverage). ... Asking you to stay any more than that will be something we always try to arrange the prior day. that. On y infrequent occasions you may be asked to work one weekend day.
Overtime: All overtime must be pre-authorized by a partner, so please see me in advance when you feel it is necessary to exceed 8 hours a day. First of all, there are no partners. This lawyer has his firm, and he has ONE part-time associate (the WASP). In order for someone to be a partner, there must be at least one other person to partner WITH, which he does not have. Second of all, he is the ONLY one who ever asks me to stay late. So what he should really say is something like, "Any self-directed overtime must be pre-authorized by me." Or something to that effect.
Sick Days: Paid sick days accrue at the rate of 8/12 day per month. Earned but not taken sick time may be able to be carried forward from one calendar year to the other. On the other hand, payment may be made, at our (who is our? he is ONE guy) discretion, for earned but unused sick days, at each year's end, and will be made at termination.
Vacation: You will have 12 paid vacation days per year, earned as one per month. Vacation days or more than two days must be arranged with the firm at least three weeks in advance, and two days arranged no later than 10 days in advance. Okay, what? Whoever can figure that one out gets a free vacation to Hawaii.
Evaluation: I will give you a performance evaluation at the end of three months and again at the end of six months. This six month period shall be a probationary period, during which either party may terminate with two weeks notice. After probationary period, termination by either party requires three weeks notice to the other party. Please note he switched from "our" and "we" now to "I". You know what has been drummed into me working at law firms for over a decade? Consistency! Even if you are making a mistake, at least make it consistently throughout the document! By the way, California is an at-will state. He can fire me at any time, without giving me any notice, and although it'd be a shitty thing to do, I can leave without giving the standard two weeks notice. Could he sue me in court, telling a judge, "She only gave me two weeks notice instead of the three she agreed to, so I want her to pay the cost of hiring a temp for a week"? Well, he could, except what are the odds of him winning that one?
At the end of the document there's a signature line where I'm supposed to sign. My name is typed underneath the line. As Green Yogurtt. Whoops.
So hey. If you ever wonder what I do all day, I look at documents like these (and I didn't even show you the spacing problems) and fix them before they're sent out to clients. He sends out the most unprofessional-looking shit all the time. Last Friday we sent out a document that was supposed to have about a dozen exhibits. Except since he didn't start working on the document until around 1pm, he ran out of time. So instead of the document saying things like, "In Paragraph 4, Sentence 6 of the attached Engagement Agreement (Exhibit C) Dr. Doodle initials his agreement to blah blah," it said things like, "In Paragraph 4 of the attached Engagement Agreement (see attached) ..."
That's not even the worst part though! The worst is that because the documents referenced weren't referred to as Exhibits, I couldn't use exhibit tabs. Instead, we just used colored pieces of paper to separate each "exhibit" from each other. But wait! We didn't have enough colored pieces of paper that were all the same color. So what we submitted looked like a legal valentine. Pink, red, and purple pages were all shoved in there. Oh, and the "exhibits" were not in the order they were referenced in the document. How unprofessional is that?
Duties: ...You will be asked to make observations on what files can be put away, and periodically ask what other items can be put away. That is one hell of a clunky sentence, am I right? I had to clarify with the lawyer exactly what he meant by the second half. Turns out if I see a random box or a pile of papers, I'm to investigate and overall am in charge of keeping the sunken living room looking nice and orderly.
...We may assign you new or different duties from time to time. Additional duties may be stated in the job manual to employees (I do not have one of these) but to the extent that manual differs from this letter, this letter will control. Will be stated in the manual we will provide to you and a job description when you begin your employment with us. Um, okay? I had to go through this agreement with him today, and it took so much to hold back from saying, "Dude. What the fuck?"
Hours of Employment: 8 hours per day, with sometimes-flexible lunch scheduling between 8:30 am and 5:30 weekdays (with the proviso that you and our office manager f coordinate your lunch schedules so that there is full coverage). ... Asking you to stay any more than that will be something we always try to arrange the prior day. that. On y infrequent occasions you may be asked to work one weekend day.
Overtime: All overtime must be pre-authorized by a partner, so please see me in advance when you feel it is necessary to exceed 8 hours a day. First of all, there are no partners. This lawyer has his firm, and he has ONE part-time associate (the WASP). In order for someone to be a partner, there must be at least one other person to partner WITH, which he does not have. Second of all, he is the ONLY one who ever asks me to stay late. So what he should really say is something like, "Any self-directed overtime must be pre-authorized by me." Or something to that effect.
Sick Days: Paid sick days accrue at the rate of 8/12 day per month. Earned but not taken sick time may be able to be carried forward from one calendar year to the other. On the other hand, payment may be made, at our (who is our? he is ONE guy) discretion, for earned but unused sick days, at each year's end, and will be made at termination.
Vacation: You will have 12 paid vacation days per year, earned as one per month. Vacation days or more than two days must be arranged with the firm at least three weeks in advance, and two days arranged no later than 10 days in advance. Okay, what? Whoever can figure that one out gets a free vacation to Hawaii.
Evaluation: I will give you a performance evaluation at the end of three months and again at the end of six months. This six month period shall be a probationary period, during which either party may terminate with two weeks notice. After probationary period, termination by either party requires three weeks notice to the other party. Please note he switched from "our" and "we" now to "I". You know what has been drummed into me working at law firms for over a decade? Consistency! Even if you are making a mistake, at least make it consistently throughout the document! By the way, California is an at-will state. He can fire me at any time, without giving me any notice, and although it'd be a shitty thing to do, I can leave without giving the standard two weeks notice. Could he sue me in court, telling a judge, "She only gave me two weeks notice instead of the three she agreed to, so I want her to pay the cost of hiring a temp for a week"? Well, he could, except what are the odds of him winning that one?
At the end of the document there's a signature line where I'm supposed to sign. My name is typed underneath the line. As Green Yogurtt. Whoops.
So hey. If you ever wonder what I do all day, I look at documents like these (and I didn't even show you the spacing problems) and fix them before they're sent out to clients. He sends out the most unprofessional-looking shit all the time. Last Friday we sent out a document that was supposed to have about a dozen exhibits. Except since he didn't start working on the document until around 1pm, he ran out of time. So instead of the document saying things like, "In Paragraph 4, Sentence 6 of the attached Engagement Agreement (Exhibit C) Dr. Doodle initials his agreement to blah blah," it said things like, "In Paragraph 4 of the attached Engagement Agreement (see attached) ..."
That's not even the worst part though! The worst is that because the documents referenced weren't referred to as Exhibits, I couldn't use exhibit tabs. Instead, we just used colored pieces of paper to separate each "exhibit" from each other. But wait! We didn't have enough colored pieces of paper that were all the same color. So what we submitted looked like a legal valentine. Pink, red, and purple pages were all shoved in there. Oh, and the "exhibits" were not in the order they were referenced in the document. How unprofessional is that?
Labels: Interactive, Shock and Awe, Temping
posted by Green at 6/13/2011 10:01:00 PM
7 Comments:
"Vacation days or more than two days must be arranged with the firm at least three weeks in advance, and two days arranged no later than 10 days in advance."
Think "of" instead of "or" and it makes sense.
*facepalm*. Sympathies. Any tactful way of letting him know that he sucks at this?
This is a great example of one of the reasons why he needs to hire you. :-)
IMHO, the clause contrary to CA employment law ,i.e. the amount of notice due in an "at will" state, is his laying the groundwork to withhold money due you if you leave without giving the specified amount of notice. While CA law may prohibit this practice, you'd have to sue him to get the money he owes you and most people won't take the time or incure the expense to go to court.
Don't keep us hanging - did you sign this or a negotiated replacement agreement?
OMG. I agree with Anonymous. He probably is only still in business because he at least has the sense to hire people like you.
I would dearly love to know exactly how much money he spent getting his JD. Some of the law school tuition should be taken back from the school and donated to a literacy program.
Vacation days or more than two days must be arranged with the firm at least three weeks in advance, and two days arranged no later than 10 days in advance.
I think this means you must get approval at least 3 weeks in advance for PTO if the PTO is more than two days. If the PTO is two days, you must get approval at least 10 days in advance. What it doesn't say is what happens for a 1 day PTO request. I guess you don't need to get approval.
1. Legal. Valentine. That's just brilliant and the perfect effing description. Gave me fits of giggles.
2. THIS ASSHOLE PASSED THE FUCKING BAR AND I DIDN'T????? Sorry, I just had to yell that. At you.
3. Despite him being an ass and a moron, I'm super excited you have a "permanent" gig, however long you can stand it :)
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