Everything is NOT About YOU
A few days ago, while my parents were in town, we went to see a movie. Two girls were sitting in the row in front of us, and they had their feet up on the seats in front of them, which pushed their seats back. Directly into my knees. The girl in front of me kept throwing her head back every few minutes, further jamming her seat into my knees. I couldn't find a way to sit that was not uncomfortable. Finally I ran out of patience. I leaned forward, and very quietly said, "Excuse me. Is there any way you could stop pushing yourself back in your seat? It's going directly against my knees every time and really hurting me." Her friend barely looked back at me as she responded, "Why don't you move?"
Why don't *I* move? Because I'm not the one doing something I shouldn't be doing which is then causing someone else difficulty! If you want to do something like put your feet up on the back of the chair in front of you that's none of my business ... until you make it my business. After they finished exchanging "She's such a bitch!" looks, and "Oh my god, can you BELIEVE her?" looks, they each got up and moved to the row ahead of the one they'd been sitting in. My knees and I were very relieved. The bruises should be gone by the end of the week.
Yesterday as I was walking home from work, there was a middle-aged plump woman with a bad perm walking in front of me. She was on her cell phone, and walking slower than the average pace. She was also weaving and each time I tried to move around her, she weaved in front of me. My only option besides continuing on behind her would be to step into oncoming traffic.
I chose to open my big mouth. "You keep weaving in front of me each time I try to pass you," I told her. She looked at me, pausing from her phone call. "Sorry ... bitch!" I was a little surprised to be honest. Probably because it was clear she'd surprised herself by calling me a bitch. She didn't have any way of knowing what I was listening to on my iPod, that I was all pumped up from it. That the song, combined with the physical exercise outside after sitting inside all day, plus her calling me a bitch, shot adrenaline through my system in an instant. I was a little amused by the predicament she'd just put herself into, and my lack of fear clearly made her feel she was in over her head. She scurried ahead and then ran across the street. For half a second I thought about staying on her heels just to rattle her, but did the mature thing and hung back, putting some space between our surprising confrontation.
It got me thinking, though. Twice people did obnoxious things that, while not illegal, a little ... dickish, and twice when these people were called out for their dickish behavior negatively affecting someone else, they got angry. As if the person they'd hurt/annoyed should have just taken it and stayed quiet. As if "me" is more important than "you." Why? And when did this happen? Didn't it used to be different? Didn't people used to trip all over themselves to help others?
When I talked to my friend about this, she suggested that nobody ever wants to be called out on their bad behavior. It's not as if someone littered and I tsk-tsked at them. Why are people caring so much about their lives, their comfort, that they don't care if their comfort infringes on someone else's comfort? How do we change things back, to the time when if we realized we hurt someone, we immediately apologized and felt badly about it?
Why don't *I* move? Because I'm not the one doing something I shouldn't be doing which is then causing someone else difficulty! If you want to do something like put your feet up on the back of the chair in front of you that's none of my business ... until you make it my business. After they finished exchanging "She's such a bitch!" looks, and "Oh my god, can you BELIEVE her?" looks, they each got up and moved to the row ahead of the one they'd been sitting in. My knees and I were very relieved. The bruises should be gone by the end of the week.
Yesterday as I was walking home from work, there was a middle-aged plump woman with a bad perm walking in front of me. She was on her cell phone, and walking slower than the average pace. She was also weaving and each time I tried to move around her, she weaved in front of me. My only option besides continuing on behind her would be to step into oncoming traffic.
I chose to open my big mouth. "You keep weaving in front of me each time I try to pass you," I told her. She looked at me, pausing from her phone call. "Sorry ... bitch!" I was a little surprised to be honest. Probably because it was clear she'd surprised herself by calling me a bitch. She didn't have any way of knowing what I was listening to on my iPod, that I was all pumped up from it. That the song, combined with the physical exercise outside after sitting inside all day, plus her calling me a bitch, shot adrenaline through my system in an instant. I was a little amused by the predicament she'd just put herself into, and my lack of fear clearly made her feel she was in over her head. She scurried ahead and then ran across the street. For half a second I thought about staying on her heels just to rattle her, but did the mature thing and hung back, putting some space between our surprising confrontation.
It got me thinking, though. Twice people did obnoxious things that, while not illegal, a little ... dickish, and twice when these people were called out for their dickish behavior negatively affecting someone else, they got angry. As if the person they'd hurt/annoyed should have just taken it and stayed quiet. As if "me" is more important than "you." Why? And when did this happen? Didn't it used to be different? Didn't people used to trip all over themselves to help others?
When I talked to my friend about this, she suggested that nobody ever wants to be called out on their bad behavior. It's not as if someone littered and I tsk-tsked at them. Why are people caring so much about their lives, their comfort, that they don't care if their comfort infringes on someone else's comfort? How do we change things back, to the time when if we realized we hurt someone, we immediately apologized and felt badly about it?
Labels: Interactive, People watching, Personally, Playing in SF, Potential Depth, Pounding the pavement
posted by Green at 6/01/2011 09:48:00 PM
4 Comments:
It's true that nobody likes hearing they've been acting like a jerk, even if it helps them in the long run. My kid wails when I discipline her, even though that discipline is what is going to make her a functional, successful adult. Of course, she's two years old. Teens or adults should have the maturity to handle criticism.
Unfortunately, I think a lot of people just don't mature at the same rate as in past generations. There is a prolonged period of selfishness. Read the comments on any article about how to be a considerate flyer. Countless people post comments that amount to "your presence may annoy me; therefore, if you aren't willing to inconvenience yourself to accommodate my travel style, you should just drive or stay home."
The good thing or what keeps me from hating everybody is that not every person is like that. It just seems like they are everywhere because the decent, thoughtful people aren't such loud mouth assholes.
I believe that people have gotten ruder in the last few years. I blame technology. People hardly communicate face to face anymore. They are either texting or messaging on the computor.
Chatrooms where anything goes, people will say anything because there are no consequences for rude behavior, like getting punched in the face for being a dick, lol.
Your theater incident reminds me of one I had. I was with my family and we had several teenage girls sitting directly behind us. The chick directly behind me kept kicking the seat, and wouldn't shut up. I turned around a couple of times and glared at her, then asked her "do you mind?" She was quiet for a bit, then I felt a tug on my hair, I turned around and she had her stinky ass bare feet at the junction between my seat and the seat beside me, and resting on my HAIR!!! I jumped up and leaned over the seat and got right in her face and asked her what her fucking problem was, and a few other things. I think she pissed her pants she looked so scared, LOL. Didn't hear a peep from them the rest of the movie.
Sometimes you have to remind people rather forcefully that their behavior won't be tolerated, and actions have consequences.
Holy crap, you need to move to Minnesota stat. While we do have some of the famous "fake nice", there are so many people here who think and act the way you do that the cultural climate is just way less... dickish.
I don't think things have gotten worse lately. I think that once a place develops a culture, it's hard to change. When I was a kid in Israel for example, if you gave in to somebody or apologized you were a sucker, a "frayer" - the worst thing you could possibly be. It was a sign that you would be taken advantage of for the rest of your natural born days. I don't know where that comes from, but I was a kid a long time ago.
I had two similar incidents happen today but, of course, since I'm in LA, they both took place while I was in my car with other people in their cars. I was so upset both times for about a minute and then I just decided that it was truly not worth the time and energy to get worked up over it. People are going to be assholes sometimes. Some people more often than others. Some people might just be having a bad day.
I think it's also part of living in the city that makes interactions like this almost inevitable. Too many people, too little space and we just start becoming accustomed to ignoring the mass around us in order to get what we want/need done.
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