Please Weigh in on a Fat Problem
(And that will conclude the fat jokes for this blog post.)
You are me. You are friends with someone who lives nearby, and is, shall we say, zaftig. She has invited you to parties she's thrown, you've attended twice and had lovely times (when you are not surrounded by jewish people, to all of a sudden get to hang out with one brings out very good feelings, but that's not the only reason you like her). You have not reciprocated because you have not thrown any parties, but if you had, you would have.
Now you've found yourself volunteering for an event, specifically for zaftig ladies. You think she would enjoy it a lot (I almost typed tons, but then re-read my first sentence). You think of inviting her (to partake, not to volunteer).
Then you realize what you'd wind up saying is, "Hey! You're fat! Wanna go to this fattie event I think you'd dig?" You realize that if the roles were reversed, even though clearly everyone can look at you and see your size, to be actually called out on it would mortify you, and you'd promptly move to the mountains of Kentucky where you know noone. Yet on the other hand, you do realize that you are a delicate and overly sensitive flower, while not everyone else is, so perhaps you should not put your neurosis on others.
You are socially savvy. Tell me what to do.
You are me. You are friends with someone who lives nearby, and is, shall we say, zaftig. She has invited you to parties she's thrown, you've attended twice and had lovely times (when you are not surrounded by jewish people, to all of a sudden get to hang out with one brings out very good feelings, but that's not the only reason you like her). You have not reciprocated because you have not thrown any parties, but if you had, you would have.
Now you've found yourself volunteering for an event, specifically for zaftig ladies. You think she would enjoy it a lot (I almost typed tons, but then re-read my first sentence). You think of inviting her (to partake, not to volunteer).
Then you realize what you'd wind up saying is, "Hey! You're fat! Wanna go to this fattie event I think you'd dig?" You realize that if the roles were reversed, even though clearly everyone can look at you and see your size, to be actually called out on it would mortify you, and you'd promptly move to the mountains of Kentucky where you know noone. Yet on the other hand, you do realize that you are a delicate and overly sensitive flower, while not everyone else is, so perhaps you should not put your neurosis on others.
You are socially savvy. Tell me what to do.
Labels: Branching Out, Cryptic, How RUDE, Interactive, Overthinking, Potential Depth
posted by Green at 3/06/2011 07:05:00 PM
6 Comments:
What exactly is the event? I am a "fatty" and we tend to have fairly thick skin. People say rude things to me all the time, but not intending to insult, just "help"
You just got to laugh it off. Thats how we get that "jolly" attitude. It keeps us from choking a bitch LOL.
Seriously though, It might be something she is interested in. Ask her if she would like to attend and let her make her own mind up. I'm sure she knows shes fat. You won't suprise her if you bring it up.
OT some guy said "wow, are you ever fat" at a bar I was at, and I acted like OMG I'm FAT!?! When did this happened?? I was a size 6 when I left home!! He was so embarrassed, he left.
I gather you make regular conversation with this zaftig person. You know, hey how are ya, whatcha been up to? Perfect opportunity to tell about your volunteer work, and this great event, and hey! you should come too, it'll be fun!
That kinda thing. Telling indirectly.
I tend to err on the side of keeping quiet, but I also dread those moments when I say the absolutely wrong thing and hurt a perfectly nice person. This attitude sometimes seems silly to me as I try not to be offended, embarrassed or hurt as long as there is room to interpret it as genuinely friendly, but awkwardly executed. Surely other people can be just as sensible and understand that I genuinely have friendly intentions even if I am awkward about them?
However, when I read etiquette columns to get a better idea of how to deal with people, all I find is that it's a freaking minefield. Some people will be offended by anything and some people by nothing. I envy people who are good at identifying which category people fall into.
With that in mind, Jennie makes sense to me. You can mention your volunteer job and get an idea how she feels about it. If she is interested, give her more info. If she seems uncomfortable discussing such a topic, drop it.
Also, you could anonymously drop off a flyer or put her on a mailing list or something, especially if it could be included with other events so that it doesn't look like she's being singled out for the one "fattie" event.
I think it's like Jewish jokes...you can make 'em if you're Jewish, but you'd better steer clear if you're not...and especially if you're making them to a Jewish person!
If you were stick-thin and suggesting that SHE go to some event for heavy women...I'd personally join ths group running you out of town on a rail. But if you're asking her to join YOU at this event--something for the two of you together--I can't see where that could be taken badly. (I.e., how can you object to "Hey, I'm going to this event for Beautiful Zaftig Ladies in San Francisco, and I'd love to have some company.")
I agree with TC. Or are you friends on Facebook? You could post about it or send an event invite to people who might be interested, including her. That way she can pick up on it if she wants to - you'll be leaving room for her to join you but not confronting her. (Personally, I'd just invite her in the way TC suggested). Either way, have fun!
I am not socially savvy. As a matter of fact I have just now moved from CT to the Northern VT (instantly) just thinking about this but I sure do appreciate Jenny's approach.
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